DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was seated in an aisle seat on an airplane, where the controls for each seat’s individual TV screens were at the very front of the armrest -- a place it is easy to avoid accidentally touching, as arms normally rest somewhere in the middle of the armrest.

It was a five-hour flight, and I was trying to watch a movie. The passenger in the middle seat, with whom I had exchanged pleasantries before we both went on to our individual activities, repeatedly turned my movie off or changed the channel by placing her arm over the controls.

Finally, I said “Excuse me, I am sure you don’t realize you are doing this, but you are accidentally turning off my movie here on the armrest.”

We both laughed, and she apologized, and then continued to do it for the rest of the flight. After this happened about 20 more times, the TV was now on the fritz, unfixable by the flight attendant. I read a book instead.

Once I started reading, friends of hers, including friends with children, started to come up to visit with her. She then began to reach right over my book, blocking my view with her arm, nearly elbowing me in the stomach or knocking over my soda, so she could point at the children, or pretend to pinch their noses while talking to them.

This time I said nothing, but every time it happened (perhaps 10 times during the remainder of the flight) I quietly steamed.

Is there a polite way I could have asked her to refrain from reaching over my seat? I was always polite and accommodating when she wanted to get up, and never gave her any cause to mistreat me that I can think of -- she simply seemed oblivious to the impact of her actions on others. She had had a couple of vodkas, but it did not seem as if that was the problem.

GENTLE READER: Well, they probably did not help.

Miss Manners commends your patience -- and is surprised that you did not need to hit the (tiny) bottle.

With the latest infraction, you could have said, “It seems that you all want to spend time together and I am clearly in the way. Why don’t we switch seats?” If the woman declined, you could have enlisted the help of the flight attendant. Fresh off of her television defeat, she might have been all too eager for a situation that she could easily fix.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I invited a casual acquaintance to my Bunco group, which I started. She is from New York and the rest of us are from the Midwest.

The other ladies feel that she doesn’t fit in, and would like me to uninvite her. How do I do this without completely hurting her feelings?

GENTLE READER: As your friend’s only crime seems to be where she is from, blaming her state may be your only recourse. Miss Manners dearly hopes that it is worth the civil war that may ensue.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to swish wine or water in your mouth in the company of others?

GENTLE READER: Only if you are at a wine-tasting -- or your own bathroom sink -- and there is a suitable depository at the ready.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My longtime companion and I have been making a couple of trips each year to visit his daughter and her controlling husband, who live 400 miles away. We always stay in a hotel, but are invited to their home for dinners.

After our last visit, I stated that I would never go to their home again. The daughter is a nice person, and she and I get along great. The problem is her husband. I’ve put up with his repulsive manners, but I no longer wish to subject myself to his belligerent rudeness.

On our most recent visit, while I was in the kitchen alone, the husband strolled in and paused as he came near me, then proceeded to let out the loudest belch I have ever heard in my entire life. It was definitely deliberate and apparent it was directed AT me.

I felt that he was daring me to say something, but I acted as if I hadn’t even noticed what he had done. But inside, I was fuming! To me, it was the same as saying “F.U.” Am I being unreasonable in refusing to visit them in the future?

GENTLE READER: With your most sincere and concerned voice, say to his wife, “My dear, I am afraid that there might be something medically wrong with your husband. He makes the most extraordinary sounds and I fear that his digestive system is failing him. You might want to get him checked.”

If your companion’s daughter does not choke on her own food with laughter, Miss Manners feels that she will take the hint and address at least that specific problem -- if not his rudeness altogether.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am looking for guidance as to the best way to deal with a deceased father of the bride in an upcoming wedding.

The bride’s father committed suicide 10 years ago, and the devastation to his children and family is still very apparent. The wedding is being paid for by the bride’s mother and her now-husband of seven years.

They did not put the deceased father’s name on the invitation, and the paternal grandparents, aunts and uncles are livid. We are in the midst of writing a wedding speech for the mother of the bride, and are wondering the best way to mention him in the speech and honor his name in spite of how he passed.

GENTLE READER: “Harvey would have so loved to have given this wedding with me, and to be toasting our daughter today ...”

This honors him, while also pointing out the obvious to his relatives: that the deceased simply cannot issue invitations. Miss Manners further assures you that unless one of the guests is an autopsy reporter, details of the death are never necessary at a wedding.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a bartender at a small neighborhood bar. I have a great rapport with many customers, who have told me they come in specifically on my shifts for the good conversations. I am grateful for such comments, and also for my patrons’ generosity.

Most of my customers, while friendly, do understand that there’s a line between us, and don’t try to extend our good relationships outside of the bar. But lately, I’ve been struggling with a patron who very much wants a friendship outside the bar.

I do not, under any circumstances, want to be friends with this man. He’s never said or done anything terrible; I just simply don’t find his company very interesting and I don’t want to feel like I’m at work during my free time.

I’ve tried a number of polite responses in an attempt to defray the conversation. He does not take the hint. I’m at a loss as to how to communicate that I don’t want to hang out with him while also maintaining his patronage. Honestly, it wouldn’t bother me so much if he stopped coming on my shifts, but I don’t want the bar to lose a valued customer because I’ve offended him.

GENTLE READER: Some professions, by their nature, risk blurring the distinction between the professional and the personal.

It is natural to think that your doctor’s interest in your health is greater than that a scientist feels for a lab rat. And the teacher who spends extra time to make sure you understand the subject can be forgiven for developing a more than professional pride in your accomplishments.

But everyone needs time off, for which reason those professions cultivate distancing mechanisms, from the doctor’s lab coat to the now-disappearing habit of referring to the teacher by last name.

Such professionals, when approached outside the office and the classroom, are trained to refer the client to a colleague who is on duty. While this might work in your case, Miss Manners has her doubts. Your problem is, she cannot help noticing, at least partly self-created.

Bartenders in general, if not you in particular, increase their business by intentionally posing as pseudo-friends. That makes it easy to understand customers’ confusion. You can clarify the situation by saying, “I’m always happy to chat with you here, but I have a strict policy of separating my work from my private life.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My girlfriend and I were at a comedy show with another friend. At one point during the performance, both my girlfriend and I got up to go to the bathroom, which was just outside in the hallway. When I came out of the bathroom, I went back inside to our table. My girlfriend said I was supposed to wait for her by the ladies’ bathroom. Am I in the wrong?

GENTLE READER: The only applicable rule is one you both broke, namely, agreeing in advance on what to do. Miss Manners will accept any decision that does not involve one party forlornly standing outside a bathroom waiting for someone who is back at the table laughing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)