DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a large department store, I noticed a woman wearing a particularly attractive blouse. As I walked by, I said, “Nice blouse” and walked on. She immediately caught up to me and said, “That was a VERY personal remark.”

I told her that I was sorry she was offended, but she continued on about how inappropriate the remark was. I didn’t apologize for the remark, but truly was sorry she was offended by it. Was I wrong?

GENTLE READER: Any suggestion that you were wrong would bring on the defense that you meant your remark kindly, that the recipient of it was rude, and that the world would be a better place if we occasionally said pleasant things to one another. And Miss Manners acknowledges all that to be true.

Nevertheless, she believes that you should be aware of the discomfort that this might cause to some people. A man making such a remark to a strange woman might seem lewd, and anyone commenting on someone in professional circumstances would seem to be valuing her appearance above her work.

Nor is it necessarily pleasant to think that one’s looks are being evaluated, even favorably, when going about one’s business in public. We have the fiction that we can move about anonymously.

Miss Manners hopes that this does not discourage you from spreading goodwill, only perhaps you might do it a bit more selectively.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it good manners to refer to oneself in the third person? It makes most people uncomfortable, which seems to be the best way to judge whether a particular behavior is proper etiquette.

GENTLE READER: You talkin’ to HER?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a seasonal intern for a company at which I would like to have a career. I get complimented all the time, with people saying, “You do such a good job,” and “You’re the best intern we have.”

My go-to response is, “I’m just doing my job,” to which they respond, “But you do a great job.”

I feel as if my response is worn out and meaningless. How do you recommend I respond to these compliments?

GENTLE READER: You have the perfect answer, should you be acclaimed for doing something truly heroic and which is not absolutely required of you. For example, should you come up with a way to placate a client who is threatening a million-dollar lawsuit, that is what you should say.

But in fact, you are simply doing your expected job, Miss Manners gathers, although doing it exceptionally well. You should therefore accept the compliment with gracious thanks. And it wouldn’t hurt to add that you love doing it and feel lucky to work with such fine people.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is appropriate for ex-spouses at funerals?

GENTLE READER: Refraining from any behavior that could lead to another funeral, or the hope for one.

Whether that means the former spouse should keep in the background when paying respects, or that making oneself known would be comforting, is probably best known to the former partners themselves, Miss Manners would think.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While I was at an outdoor gathering, another guest arrived, and began walking towards me to give me a customary kiss and hug. On the way, he passed by the buffet table, grabbed a handful of food and proceeded to shove it into his mouth. Only, not all of it managed to find its way in. Much of it was left on his lips, around his mouth and, of course, on his hand.

As he approached me, I backed away and begged off the kiss and hug. He seemed quite offended so, as politely and gently as I could, I informed him that he had food all over his mouth.

He then proceeded to wipe his mouth with his arm, said “There! All better now!” and moved towards me again.

Well, it was NOT all better, but merely smeared around. When I tried to escape him once again, trying very hard not to say something foolish, he became even more offended, then cursed and walked away. I avoided him for the rest of the get-together and he, me.

I still cringe when I think about it. I feel badly for offending him, but cannot help but think how offensive it would have been for ME to succumb to a messy, icky kiss.

Is there any way I could have handled the situation better? Or should I just hope that I do not have the pleasure of meeting up with him again -- unless I’m ahead of the buffet table?

GENTLE READER: Please permit Miss Manners a moment of “eeewwww” before she pulls herself together and offers the polite sacrifice she might have made. Artfully suppressing her gag reflex, she would have offered her own handkerchief to the gentleman, holding it up in front of his face and, if necessary, offering to help.

However, not everyone is a martyr to courtesy, and, regretfully, not everyone carries a pocket handkerchief nowadays. But you could have backed away with a smile and said, “Let me get you a napkin.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend recently attempted suicide. His neck is now covered in very visible scars that cannot be easily concealed. He is concerned about unsolicited statements or comments regarding his physical appearance. These comments may be unintentionally hurtful.

You have suggested countering intrusive questions with “How kind of you to take an interest in my personal affairs.” But how might this gentleman respond differently under the circumstances? He does not wish, of course, to explain or engage in this line of questioning.

GENTLE READER: The phrase you quoted, while often useful, is intended to be directed to those who offer unsolicited criticism or officious advice. Miss Manners agrees that it is a bit harsh for those whose probing questions were intended as concern.

Nevertheless, they must be discouraged from inquiry. A firm “Thank you, but it’s nothing you need worry about” should do it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate for men to trim their eyebrows?

GENTLE READER: It is certainly preferable to having them careen around, bumping into the furniture.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A woman of my acquaintance has a strange habit at funerals: She asks when the reading of the will is to take place.

I think it is vulgar, but perhaps I am mistaken. Is it OK to ask, or should one wait to be contacted by the executor or legal professional involved?

GENTLE READER: From how many deceased is this woman expecting money?

She should be told that you are sure “the pertinent parties will contact you if your presence is required.” Then Miss Manners suggests you place yourself between this woman and any open caskets.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My teenage son left his driver’s license at an airport restaurant. A worker there returned it to him in the mail. My son did not even realize it was missing, as he had other forms of ID.

I have asked him to write the sender a thank-you note, but he does not seem to think it is necessary. I have advised him that this person did a kind thing, and it would be nice for the sender to know the license was actually returned. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: Surely your son’s flippancy about having other forms of ID would have turned to panic the next time he got pulled over for speeding.

It is a simple enough gesture to write a thank-you letter for an act of kindness, especially one without which he could have found himself in much deeper trouble. Miss Manners acknowledges that this is not the point, but if the principle of kindness and reciprocal gestures does not resonate, abject fear might.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We often have friends over for casual dinners and they reciprocate regularly, which is very nice. When setting the table, we put out what most people will normally use for a meal: utensils, napkins, serving implements, salt and pepper shakers, and glassware for whatever beverage is being served (usually water, iced tea or wine).

Often we are told, “That’s too much stuff on the table,” and we politely ignore such remarks. When we go to the homes of others, we regularly find absolutely nothing on the table other than a single fork at each place. Platters of food are presented with no serving utensils.

Invariably, someone will ask for a knife, a napkin, butter, a glass of water, etc., and then there is another frantic search of the kitchen for the requested item, with the hosts having to jump up and down frequently.

Whatever happened to “setting the table” -- a very basic household chore that most of us learned at an early age?

GENTLE READER: What, indeed -- especially since Miss Manners has no doubt that these same people registered at their weddings, birthdays and housewarmings for all that stuff they now deem excessive.

Rude observations of your correctly appointed table may be greeted with, “Maybe it’s strange, but we like to have all the eating implements we will need at the table so that we can fully enjoy your company.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)