DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boss tucks his shirt into his underwear so that you can sometimes read the underwear brand on the elastic in the front. Is there anything to be done?

GENTLE READER: A lady does not discuss a gentleman’s underwear -- unless she is his wife and is letting him know that she is throwing it out. If a gentleman co-worker is available, Miss Manners recommends you enlist his help in pointing out the problem -- as long as he promises to do so discreetly.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece and her husband were married nearly two years ago, and we have been made aware that they never sent thank-you cards for many of the gifts they received. This breach of etiquette was made known from guests inquiring of us about whether we knew if the couple had received their wedding gifts.

Now they are expecting their first child, and I know they will want the Aunties to host a baby shower, as is our family custom. Frankly, we are embarrassed and reluctant to send out invitations to another gift event for them, knowing how hurt/ignored many felt not to have their previous gifts acknowledged. I know of no polite way to tell my niece that this is a problem, and yet I really don’t want to host and thereby sanction their rude behavior.

GENTLE READER: As loving Aunties -- and soon to be Grand-Aunties -- you are in the unique position to help this couple maintain goodwill amongst friends and family.

“We would love to host a shower for you, but want to make sure that you have the time to acknowledge presents if the guests bring them. Perhaps we can help you gather addresses and facilitate letter-writing.”

If this plan is met with resistance, then Miss Manners authorizes you to defer hosting the party, saying that you simply do not have the time -- perhaps politely pointing out that it is likely the same excuse the couple had for not sending those thank-you letters in the first place.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I invited my sister and two cousins out to lunch. When it came time to order, I ordered first, and then the waiter asked for my guests’ orders. Later, my sister said she was mortified, because the hostess always orders last.

Did I commit a social faux pas? Usually I will order first so as to set the tone of the price.

GENTLE READER: Proper manners would be for the host to ask their guests what they wanted first, and then to order for the table. But Miss Manners has noticed that this has gone out of favor, particularly when it is abused by menu-splainers too eager to show off their culinary knowledge and ignore their guests’ tastes.

However, making recommendations and setting the tone for, if not price, then certainly the breadth of the menu, is an excellent idea. It helps cue guests that three courses may be encouraged, but ordering carryout for the week is not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have a 2-year-old son and are currently expecting another baby. My husband’s younger brother and his wife are also expecting their second child, due a week before ours.

We are very blessed to have friends and family who were ecstatic over the birth of our first. My dear friends threw me a lovely baby shower. We have everything we need for the new baby and I’m grateful to have friends who wouldn’t dream of throwing a second shower. I’d be mortified if they did.

My sister-in-law’s family is unfortunately the very type to throw a second baby shower. At her first shower, they charged $5 at the door for “lottery tickets,” with the money ostensibly going to the parents-to-be to cover certain costs associated with the baby. This was in addition to the shower gift I’d brought AND being asked to bring a pack of diapers to help the parents.

Her family is also highly competitive, and is sure to make very pointed remarks when they ask me about my own impending baby shower and I answer that there won’t be another.

How should I handle those remarks? I don’t want their false pity, nor do I wish to hear disparaging remarks against my friends and family for not throwing another shower. Clearly it’s not polite to point out that she shouldn’t be having a second shower, but what is a polite, firm way to deflect?

GENTLE READER: “We are very excited to attend Margo and Larry’s shower. Do you think they’ll have another boy?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a bar for a work-related dinner meeting and ordered soup. I peppered said soup before tasting it and was castigated by one of my dinner companions.

Is the etiquette in a bar the same as what should be practiced in a more formal setting?

GENTLE READER: The peppering of one’s food is not subject to degrees of formality. Nor should they be your dinner companion’s concern -- unless that person also happens to be the chef.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An elderly parent died a couple of years ago. Now another elderly relative has passed. My husband and I received condolences on both occasions. We were very moved by the numerous cards and handwritten notes we received.

I was astonished that we both received condolences by email as well, and found myself greatly offended at that. I don’t expect flowers or memorial donations to charity or food, just a simple card or a handwritten note. But I would rather not hear from someone at all than receive an email condolence. It seems as though the elderly person was not worth any more effort than a mere mouse click.

Am I wrong and petty? Or has custom changed to where an electronic condolence is acceptable?

GENTLE READER: It has not. But Miss Manners has admittedly weakened her stance, since any correspondence at all is often rare. She does not condone the emails, but as you received so many letters from people who addressed them properly, she suggests you not let it ruin the relationship with the senders who did not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On the occasion of my daughter’s graduation from college, my friend, an avid scrapbooker, gifted my daughter with the promise of a scrapbook of her college years. For this project, she asked my daughter to go through four years of photos and mementos, organizing them by date, occasion, milestone, etc., including explanatory notes to make the journey clear to my friend so that she could scrapbook it. She suggested that my daughter have copies made of social media pictures that would be included.

My daughter privately expressed her dismay at having to complete that extensive task just as she was concentrating on finding a job in her field and moving to another city.

This all happened two years ago. I am so grateful to my friend for offering this service as a gift, but frankly, it isn’t going to happen. My daughter has no interest in taking the time to do this. She wrote a lovely thank-you note to my friend, saying she was looking forward to gathering the material when she had time.

Now my friend is asking me about it, and I believe I hear an edge to her voice. Is there a kind way to let her know that this isn’t going to happen? And is it ever appropriate to “gift” someone with a service that requires a lot of work on the part of the recipient?

GENTLE READER: Whether they are proper or not, such presents are dangerous -- if you hope to instill gratitude, rather than annoyance, in the recipient.

Your daughter’s letter of thanks expressed the proper gratitude, and gave the proper warning. Your friend, unfortunately, did not take the hint.

Miss Manners fears that your daughter will now have to do one more thing she may not wish to do: She will have to let you apologize to your friend and explain just how busy she is. Your apology will imply that your daughter is failing to accomplish a reasonable task (“But what can one do?”). This is neither true nor fair. But on the bright side, it will save her from sneezing over old swim-meet ribbons.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son passed away, unexpectedly, eight years ago. He was 21 at the time and dating a very nice young lady. We kept in touch for a while following the funeral, but then things tapered off.

Because of the mutual friends she shared with my son, I now see that she is getting married in a few weeks. Would it be weird for me to send wedding congratulations? I wish only happiness for her as she begins her married life.

GENTLE READER: Friendships that outlast the loss of the relative -- or friend, boyfriend or spouse -- who brought you together have a special status, particularly when they cross generations. They honor the person you both lost, but they also demonstrate a generosity of spirit in caring about someone who was dear to someone dear to you.

Far from being weird, Miss Manners thinks it would be lovely of you to reach out to her to wish her well. Not everyone finds themselves able to do so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)