DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been working for a very small family company as a receptionist for nine years now. Their daughter, whom I saw grow up, just got married. However, I am still irking over what they did to me.

I was invited to the bachelorette party, where I brought a gift, of course. I was invited to the wedding and to the general cake reception. I was told that the full reception, to be held later that night, was for close friends and family only, so I was not invited to that.

I was asked to pick up, set up and serve cake for the general cake reception, which I did, and once I cleaned up everything, I went my jolly way home.

Later that night, I see the videos posted on social media by everyone from the full reception, and it was huge! Everyone was there. All the employees of the company, and even one that only started working there three months ago!

I am still irking about that and I am considering quitting because I feel like a complete, unappreciated fool. Or should I let this go? Am I being envious and too petty because I did not get invited to the full reception?

GENTLE READER: “I enjoyed your daughter’s wedding so much that I am happy to waive any overtime I accrued for working at it. I hope that she will also enjoy the silver vase I sent.”

If the family does not have the good grace to be embarrassed by this, Miss Manners hopes that they will at least hesitate before posting their next party on social media.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable polite behavior to ball up a paper napkin and put it in your dirty plate when you’re done eating?

GENTLE READER: As opposed to pocketing it for later? While cloth napkins should be placed to the side of one’s plate once used, paper ones are meant to be disposed of. And Miss Manners finds a dirty plate more acceptable for that than a clean hand.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker with whom I worked closely in the past, but we are currently in different areas of the same school building. When I worked with her, she was experiencing infertility issues; however, she recently announced she is expecting a baby girl.

I am thrilled for her and proceeded to hand-make a few special items. I try to make something for each mother/ child that I work with. In a recent conversation, she expressed her plan to have a baby shower in the near future. I would like to be included in the invitation list, simply because I would like to celebrate this happy occasion with her. How do I mention the subject of an invitation without overtly inviting myself, or putting her in a position to feel obligated to invite me if her plans did not include former co-workers?

GENTLE READER: “I have a small present for the baby. Please let me know when a good time to give it to you would be.” This prompts the expectant mother to realize that inviting you might be worth her while if she was not already planning it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a polite way to call attention to a stranger’s shoe odor?

When my wife and I went to an afternoon movie, a couple came and sat down next to us, the man on my left. After a few moments, he crossed his left leg over his knee, putting his left foot closer to me.

Within moments, I was besieged with a truly horrible odor from his sneakers. I moved to my wife’s right, leaving an empty seat to her left. After a minute, she, too, said enough is enough, and we moved together to a couple of rows back, with little inconvenience, in that it was a lightly attended show.

Would there have been a polite way to let this person know of this issue?

GENTLE READER: Even if there were, you would then likely have to endure either an unpleasant conversation or witness his trying to fix it -- with more of a social obligation to stay put whilst doing so. Removing yourself from the situation solved your problem. Let us leave it at that.

Miss Manners suspects that once this man realizes that there are consistently empty seats surrounding him in public places, he will take measures to solve the problem. Or enjoy all of the newfound extra room.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About seven years ago, a family who was friends with our family moved halfway around the world. They return to our area once or twice a year, and we usually get together with them and their other local acquaintances.

They have contacted us about plans for this summer. They invited us to a catered barbecue, and asked us to commit to attending and paying $33 per person for hot dogs, hamburgers and potato salad.

We feel that inviting us to a party and asking us to pay for our food is rather tacky, especially as this family is probably wealthier than all of their local friends combined. Moreover, my wife is vegetarian and my son would probably eat no more than a single hot dog.

We would like to see them when we visit, but have no intention of spending nearly $100 for backyard food under the circumstances. I suspect that most of their other friends in this area feel the same way, and their party may turn out to be a bust.

What is the most polite way to let them know that, while we and our other friends would love to see them, we don’t want to pay for their party?

GENTLE READER: This is a sales opportunity, not an invitation.

“It sounds like a lot of trouble to arrange catering for the whole neighborhood, and I am afraid that we are otherwise occupied that day. Why don’t you join us for a more informal gathering at our house later in the week?” And then Miss Manners recommends that you show them what real hospitality -- and not a paid event -- looks like.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I went to a restaurant on my birthday. A sign at the door advertised a special reward when paying the bill if you were dining on your birthday. So, I mentioned to the waitress that it was my birthday, in anticipation of the reward.

When it came time to order dessert, the waitress brought a large dessert of the restaurant’s choosing to my table with a showy sparkler stuck into it.

I was appalled. This was not a dessert that I could share with my wife, as she didn’t like it, and I was hugely embarrassed as I do not make a big deal out of my birthday. Now everybody in the restaurant knew it was my birthday.

I didn’t want to hurt the feelings of the waitress, so I feigned delight and ate the dessert. I really wanted to share a dessert with my wife, but because of the actions of the waitress, I was cheated out of this opportunity and I’m not very happy about it.

How should I have handled the situation better? Should I have sent the unexpected dessert back and ordered what we really wanted? And why do people do stuff like this on birthdays without asking the celebrant first if it’s what they really want?

GENTLE READER: People generally do not do things like this, but companies do. And no matter how many times the restaurant assures you that they are all about people, or people are their business, or people come first -- what they are doing is running a business.

Miss Manners does not object to this; in fact, she is sympathetic. She mentions it to explain her lack of surprise that a restaurant that no doubt prides itself on “tailoring their service to your every need” in fact establishes rigid policies for their employees that do not always fit a given situation.

Someone in the head office thought it would be nice to do something special for the birthday boy or girl. They told someone, who told someone, who told the staff. You ordered the special reward, and out it came. A more astute wait-person would indeed have noticed that you had not ordered your dinner from the children’s menu, and may have been able to adjust the reward accordingly. But as it was free, Miss Manners agrees with your accepting it with reasonable grace -- and not asking about the free pony ride.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife passed away suddenly, two years ago, at the age of 48. My son is getting married this year, and I’m struggling with inviting friends that my wife did not approve of. Would it be disrespectful of my wife’s memory if they were invited to my son’s wedding?

GENTLE READER: It is said that the good we do lives on after us -- while the bad dies with us. Making this happen sometimes requires the active participation of the living. Your wife may have had good reasons for disapproving of some of your friends, but disapproval is not a flattering thing for which to be remembered. Miss Manners recommends that you conveniently forget why she felt that way, issue the invitations, and dwell on more uplifting memories.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)