DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband works at an institution where there is a chancellor and a president. What is the correct title to use for the wife of the president?
I would have thought “first lady,” but isn’t that how you would address the wife of the chancellor?
GENTLE READER: Even the wife of the president of the United States has no official title, no matter how often she is referred to as first lady. That is something that President Kennedy’s wife tried in vain to avoid, pointing out that “First Lady” sounded like the name of a horse.
And with the ersatz title, expectations have arisen about what duties a first lady -- of whatever job her husband holds -- should perform, regardless of her inclinations, skills or other priorities. That many generously comply should not make it compulsory for all.
Miss Manners urges you to drop and discourage the notion of such wifely titles. If the wife of your chancellor or president is a professor or a doctor, use that title in addressing her. Otherwise, the correct protocol at all levels is to address her as “Mrs.” or “Ms.” with her surname.