DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was out on a double date, my date and the other couple used a knife and fork to eat pizza and nachos. I thought that these were literally finger foods.

GENTLE READER: These people should not run for public office. Not only are nachos finger food, but Miss Manners has trouble imagining how one could eat them with a fork and knife. A spoon, perhaps.

How to handle pizza will depend on the formality of the restaurant. There is no ban on being more formal, but it seems unlikely that three people made that choice independently. More likely, someone started and everyone else followed.

If so, it will be important to know whose idea it was before you open the conversation at your second date by poking fun at the other couple’s pretensions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother is 61 and refers to women of all ages as “girls,” and even worse, calls seniors “old girls.”

I’ve tried for years to get him to change how he describes women, but to no avail. No amount of wincing or obvious discomfort on my behalf has any effect on him.

Besides, he says, these terms were not considered disrespectful when he was growing up, and he refuses to change and be “P.C.”

How do I react when he speaks this way in groups in which we are both included? I’m resigned to his ways in private, but not objecting to them when others are around may sound as though I’m complicit with his terminology, and I certainly am not. We may be siblings, but we do not share the same perspectives.

GENTLE READER: Having herself been around in the old days, Miss Manners can assure your brother that calling men “men” and women “girls” was never a sign of respect, even when no one objected.

Even if your brother’s memory were correct, it would not justify current rudeness. Rather than wince in private and contemplate speaking up in public, you would do better to speak up in private and wince in public.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Most of our family cookouts are potluck style. Since we have the biggest, most kid-friendly yard, we end up hosting most of them.

We supply the meat and several other dishes that won’t travel well. Usually, other family members will commit to bringing other things, like salad or sweets. This is always appreciated by me and everyone else.

One kind and somewhat older relative brings a whole watermelon and expects me to cut it up so everyone can enjoy it. But after cleaning my house before the cookout and running around making sure everyone has fresh drinks and what-not, I really don’t feel like excusing myself and attempting to cut a whole watermelon! It’s a tedious and messy job, and to do it while trying to host? No thanks!

I would rather this person not bring anything at all. Is there a polite why of expressing: Either bring a fruit salad or something else that is ready to go?

GENTLE READER: Family potluck cookouts are not, as a rule, formal affairs. Miss Manners therefore offers a simpler, less confrontational solution: Locate the nearest strapping young relative, hand him or her a knife, and ask that person to do the honors outdoors.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am planning a 100th birthday party for my late grandmother’s recently reconditioned piano. The guests will be other classical musicians and singers.

As usual, when we all get together and there’s a piano nearby, some people like to play or sing. I’ll engage a pianist, too. (No tip jar!) As hostess, I’ll refrain from singing unless we all get silly and, as a group, sing “Happy Birthday to Miss Wellington-Cable!”

Now I know one should never encourage or discourage gifts in an invitation for a person. But as this type of party is (hopefully) unique, I think many people may wonder whether to bring a gift for an inanimate object.

I’m leaning towards keeping to the usual “no gift mention at all” rule. However someone tells me I need to make an exception “because nobody will know what to do for a piano’s birthday!” I figure I can say something when people reply, as they usually do in the South, with, ”May I bring anything?”

Am I leaning the right way or am I “out of tune” here?

GENTLE READER: Re-examining the reasons behind etiquette is always welcome, never more so than when new situations arise.

In this case, however, the original reasoning still applies, namely that it is impolite to assume one is going to receive a present, and therefore one should not provide instructions on the point.

Miss Manners would not wish to presume that given your piano’s age, you will not be sending follow-up questions about wedding plans and baby showers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will be moving soon, and would like to send out moving notices to friends and family. However, part of why I’m moving is because I’m also getting divorced.

Now, of course, my family and close friends know this already. There are several friends, however, who may not know.

Is there any way to convey this on the moving notice without it being, for lack of a better word, weird? Do I just list my name and my two children on there and hope that gets the message across?

GENTLE READER: There is a logic to using a single stamp when announcing all the things you are leaving behind, but a divorce and a move are not similar enough to share an envelope -- no matter how much you loved the house and how little you loved the spouse.

People with whom you are close enough to share personal information will need to be told explicitly about the divorce. For others, Miss Manners agrees that a card with the names of those making the move satisfies the requirements of etiquette. But be prepared for one or two follow-up questions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend whose spouse and three children call her several times a day. Although she has made plans with me, she will answer the phone in the middle of a lunch/dinner date, coffee visit, etc.

I have explained I think it is rude to interrupt a conversation to accept a call or text. She insists it could be an emergency, every time. What else can I say?

GENTLE READER: “Was it an emergency?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would you please address in your column the misuse of “gentleman” and “lady” as synonyms for “man” and “woman”? I find it offensive when these terms are used by newscasters to refer to criminals.

GENTLE READER: Address it? Miss Manners is herself guilty of it.

You are quite right that these names should be reserved for those who have earned it. Unlike as in class-stratified societies, where these designations depend on birth, American ladies and gentlemen are distinguished by their behavior.

But Miss Manners uses the terms, sometimes with a dash of irony, in the hope that they are aspirational. For the same reason, she addresses those who are kind enough to consult her as “Gentle Reader.” They may not all be gentle, but she cherishes hope.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the one who has people to my house for all holidays, including providing the food and alcohol. I bring hostess gifts -- flowers, wine or both -- WHEN and IF I ever get invited to other people’s homes to reciprocate for my hospitality.

We used to throw lavish New Year’s Eve parties and Fourth of July parties that upwards of 100 people attended. We quit doing that to end the days of planning a perfect party, stocking the liquor cabinet, and cooking food for everyone, only to receive maybe one bottle of wine or a cheese ball.

We didn’t do it for the gifts, but are our “friends” just clods? We wanted to party with them, too! I felt these were our friends, since we saw them at ballgames and other events around town regularly. I wished, I guess, that inviting them to my home for a get-together would nudge them to invite us back ... but no.

They drop into our house regularly for dinner, uninvited, eating and drinking their way through whatever meal we whip up to accommodate more company (we never turn anyone away at mealtime), and know where our liquor cabinet is. They drain it regularly.

But never do we get an invite to their homes for a meal or a barbecue, let alone a full, all-out party. Ever. I am sad, and a little disappointed, but after 20-plus years, have resigned myself to just get over it. These people always have a BIG hello, hugs and kisses in public when we run into each other, and are friends with us on social media, and yet I am tired of not getting anything in return.

Am I right, should I just get over it? I miss having everyone over, but I want something in return!

GENTLE READER: More cheese balls?

Miss Manners was about to explain, although not excuse, the lack of reciprocal hospitality. Many people nowadays do not entertain, particularly not on the scale that you do. What you could reasonably expect is to be invited to share their normal social lives, whether such events are held at home, or in restaurants, at ballgames or on other recreational excursions.

But then Miss Manners got to the part about their dropping in uninvited and raiding your liquor cabinet. Yes, your friends are clods.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)