DEAR MISS MANNERS: My hair is long and quite thick, so it takes several hours to dry after I wash it. Usually I wash it at night so it’s dry by morning, but occasionally I have to wash it shortly before going somewhere.

What is the etiquette about going in public with wet hair? I wouldn’t go to a formal event that way, and I imagine that actively dripping hair would be universally frowned upon. However, is visibly damp hair OK otherwise?

GENTLE READER: Couldn’t you just walk faster, creating some wind?

Barring that, and as this is a relatively short-lived problem, Miss Manners will overlook the occasional wet head -- and hope that onlookers will have the grace to do so, too.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife’s parents are lovely people and I’ve enjoyed a wonderful relationship with them for decades. However, they are longtime members of a private country club, which is unofficially “restricted,” having no members of certain races and religions.

I’ve always found this abhorrent, but over the years have agreed, for harmony’s sake, to attend functions there as their guests. The club is the mainstay of their social life now, and they claim that they are not bigoted or prejudiced, but simply joined innocently long ago when such exclusionary practices were routine.

As times have changed, I’ve finally reached a tipping point, no longer willing to be complicit in attending a place that discriminates against others. However, my absence from family events like birthday parties, receptions and the like at the club will be awkward for my in-laws, as well as bring me ill will from the rest of the family.

My mother-in-law and father-in-law understand my position, but they are elderly and, after all, we’ve all shared many good times together there over the years, even as I grudgingly attended.

How do I balance my conscience, which I can no longer ignore, with the feelings of these very close family members, which I am bound to injure by my actions?

GENTLE READER: Family loyalty and social conscience are often in conflict, Miss Manners finds. It is the stuff of great literature and mediocre television movies. Perhaps you can suggest that you give some of the family events at your home, or find another place to have them. Admittedly, this would be only an occasional solution -- but it might make your absences at club events less noticeable.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband accepted an award for being an outstanding football coach, he received a standing ovation at the reception.

I am so proud of him that when everyone stood, I, moved with emotion, jumped up and applauded as well. Then I suddenly felt foolish, and wondered if it was inappropriate for me to give my own husband a standing ovation.

However, had I remained seated, I think I would have felt awkward as well. What is the correct response when a close family member receives a standing ovation?

GENTLE READER: To be overwhelmed with emotion and excitement and stand up with the others. No decent person could fault you for being overcome by spousal pride. Staying seated in the face of everyone else’s enthusiasm, Miss Manners notes, would make a stronger statement.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am currently seeing my ex-husband, and we are at a loss as to how to introduce each other to new people.

GENTLE READER: As you and your ex-husband have agreed to make a fresh start, the same courtesy should be extended to the people you meet. Miss Manners leaves up to you whether that means introducing him by name or as your suitor or fiance.

If anyone knows enough to ask if you were not once married, you can then acknowledge that you were. But when doing so, it would be best not to look perplexed, as if the fact had somehow slipped your mind.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My aunt and uncle had a graduation party for their son, my cousin, who supposedly graduated college. Several family members and friends had given monetary gifts.

Come to find out a few weeks later, my cousin is short several credit hours and didn’t actually graduate, even though he was somehow allowed to walk across the stage. However, he didn’t waste any time cashing everyone’s checks! What are your thoughts on this? Should he return the money?

GENTLE READER: The school administration -- who know more about your cousin’s record than anyone -- presumably allowed him to participate in graduation because they felt that any shortcomings were either slight or would be quickly remedied.

This is good enough for Miss Manners. While she agrees that presents should not be accepted under false pretenses, she counsels against being too literal. The consequences would be both dire and tiring. Divorcees are not expected to return the wedding gifts (assuming they can find them), and children are not expected to give back, years later, any toys they have outgrown.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am writing to learn if there are better forms of greetings for more somber occasions. For example, I am a veteran with 23 years of service, and I am uncomfortable with the traditional “Happy Memorial Day” greeting that the news and entertainment media have foisted upon the public.

However, I do not know what is actually acceptable to use in its place.

GENTLE READER: Reasonable people can disagree about whether it was the media who crafted vapidly happy greetings for every occasion.

It seems to Miss Manners that it is a byproduct of the American tendency to commercialize every holiday: an activity at odds with a somber (or sober) demeanor. The horde of candy bunnies that infest grocery stores around Easter would support the latter conclusion, as one would expect a certain amount of dignity to be associated with that holiday, irrespective of the ultimate conclusion.

What, then, to say? As the phrase is intended as a greeting, the most neutral option would be “Memorial Day greetings.” But as you are not selling anything, it is not necessary to name the holiday every time you open your mouth.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have shoulder-length hair that I wear up in a simple twist style. At least several times per week, an acquaintance asks me, “Why don’t you ever wear your hair down?” or exclaims, “I’ve never seen you with your hair down!” They then follow up with, “You should really wear it down more often!” or even, “Will you wear it down to the event I’m hosting?”

What does one do with these types of comments and questions? Frankly, I find them insulting. I’m tempted to reply with such sarcastic retorts as, “I do wear my hair down, but only at intimate moments,” or “And I’ve never seen YOU naked!”

How can I politely tell them that it’s really none of their business, and if they don’t like my hairstyle, they need not look at me?

GENTLE READER: The etiquette infraction you describe is known as being “overly familiar,” and has itself become all too familiar.

Miss Manners’ solution is to balance it with increased formality. Think of it as taking a step back when someone gets too close:

“Why don’t you ever wear your hair down?”

“I do.”

“I’ve never seen you with your hair down!”

“Oh?”

“You should really wear it down more often!”

“I prefer it this way.”

“Will you wear it down to the event I’m hosting?”

“We’ll see.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a “save the date” for the wedding for a family friend, a young man I used to baby-sit and have watched grow up. Unfortunately, I will be out of the country on the big day.

Should I send my regrets now, to save them the time and trouble of sending a formal invitation, or wait for that formality?

GENTLE READER: As the “save the date” card is not, technically, an invitation, you are not, strictly speaking, required to respond. Before she is deluged with letters by irate brides, Miss Manners adds that it would nevertheless be both courteous and considerate to express your regret.

Readers have alerted Miss Manners to an inexplicable practice of subsequently neglecting to invite all the recipients of “save the date” cards, but she trusts you know your friends well enough to be confident they will not respond by telling you who will be taking your seat or how much money you have saved them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I had dinner with a friend who lives in a retirement community, a female friend of his stopped by our table to greet him. I reflexively stood, as I was taught to do for a lady older than I. I resumed my seat as we all chatted for a while and then, as she took her leave, I stood again. Nothing odd in this -- at least not for someone of my generation -- but it occurred to me that, in the context, this might have emphasized to others that they are unable to stand (not least to my friend, who is currently wheelchair-bound).

GENTLE READER: Ladies remain seated when people join the table, as do those for whom rising would be a hardship (or an impossibility). Miss Manners trusts that no one will be offended by your rising, so long as you do not suggest that you are doing so as the youngster at the table.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)