DEAR MISS MANNERS: A professor in our department took leave in order to give birth. When we heard the happy news that a baby girl had been born, I commented, “I wonder if she plans to bring her in?” It is always exciting to see a new baby.

One of our colleagues replied, “She already HAS brought her in,” clearly meaning that the lady had come into the office while still pregnant.

This colleague is known to be the only fundamentalist Christian in the building. I’m not sure if he was trying to be funny or to make a political statement. I was stunned into silence. Is there anything one could possibly say to something like this?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette does not go looking for infractions. This would be true even if she did not already have her hands full with the infractions that find her.

The proper response is therefore to treat the comment as well-intended, even if you suspect it meant more. If Miss Manners did not object to infants at work, she would have lightly told your co-worker that it is more fun to interact with a baby who can grab one’s finger and gurgle.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the protocol as to who sets up the luncheon or the dinner -- the outgoing board or the incoming board?

GENTLE READER: By “sets up,” Miss Manners assumes you mean, “Who asks the staff to issue the invitations, reserve the location, arrange the meal and welcome the guests?”

The answer is that it depends upon the purpose and timing of the event. Technically, only the sitting board is in a position to issue invitations. But a meal meant to thank the outgoing board should be given by the incoming board, while one meant to welcome the new board (and introduce them to their duties as hosts) is thrown by the outgoing board. The same rules apply if the “set-up” includes cooking the food and washing the dishes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law is bringing her dogs camping with us Friday. Her dogs all have fleas, so I feel she should stay home with them so my animals don’t get them, too. But she won’t leave them.

Now I feel I need to stay home with my dog and miss out. How do I tell her it’s rude to bring them, and that sick kids and dogs need to stay home? Am I wrong?

GENTLE READER: You are not wrong, but neither can you tell her she is being rude. What you can tell her is how sorry you are to have to stay home, as you were looking forward to it, but you feel that you owe it to Woofie.

Miss Manners might even add that you know that “of course she will understand,” all evidence to the contrary -- so long as you stop at the close quote. Your declaration may or may not change her decision, but it will spare your family any lasting souvenirs of the vacation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This might ruin your day, but here are some puzzling greetings (or non-greetings) that my friends have received:

My friend’s cousin messaged her half-dozen least favorite cousins on Facebook, telling them that they would not be invited to her wedding, apologizing, hoping they would not be hurt -- and directing them to her gift registry. My dear friend was baffled, and confessed that she would never have known that she wasn’t invited had it not been for the social media message.

Another friend was accosted by an acquaintance telling her not to expect a Christmas card because she had only purchased 25 and needed to send them to other people. When my friend replied that the non-greeter needn’t worry, she would just refrain from sending a Christmas present, the non-greeter begged her to wait and promised she would find a card (somehow) and send it. My friend kindly refrained from asking what number she was, if she didn’t make the cut of 25.

GENTLE READER: Yes, it ruined Miss Manners’ day.

Sadly, she was not unaware of the egotism that characterizes these examples -- the urge to tell people they are not in favor enough to receive invitations or presents. But she finds particularly appalling the notion that there is some sort of social obligation to announce “nyah nyah” to the excluded.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The issue of workplace kettle refilling is a contentious one at my office. Some believe that refilling and boiling is the courteous thing to do; others argue that merely refilling is necessary, as boiling without immediate use is a waste of resources; and still others forgo refilling altogether because they prefer freshly once-boiled water and would dump out the kettle contents anyway.

What would you suggest is the proper “kettiquette” to follow?

GENTLE READER: Do you folks have any work to do? In that case, Miss Manners would suggest ending this admittedly fascinating debate by investing in a kettle that stays plugged in, offering unused hot water to everyone, and getting back to work.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have received an invitation to a bridal shower honoring the future daughter-in-law of a close friend. The invitation includes the address where the event will be held, but not only are there no instructions on how to RSVP, but also the hostess is not named. There is a return address on the envelope, but again, no name.

I suppose the hostess felt there was no point in including this information because she supposes no one would respond. However, I feel awkward showing up at a stranger’s home this way.

I assume that to be correct I ought to reply to the return address? If I do, however, the hostess may feel that I am the strange one.

GENTLE READER: It is possible, as you gather, that whoever is giving this party simply does not know how to write an invitation. But Miss Manners finds equally disturbing the presumption that it is futile to expect responses. She is delighted that you, at least, intend to do the right thing -- as soon as you find out to whom you owe your response, from your close friend.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At the end of a boozy company party at a fancy hotel, my wife and I found ourselves tending a co-worker who had overdosed on martinis. While my wife went to summon a janitor, another co-worker asked her (in the politest terms a drunk can muster) to spend the night with him.

Although I was in earshot, I pretended to ignore it. My wife is upset that I didn’t “defend her honor” by punching him out. What do the rules of manners dictate?

GENTLE READER: Well, not adding violence to an already volatile mix. And for many reasons, it is an especially bad idea to hit a drunk.

However, Miss Manners might have forgiven your wife if she had delivered a smart slap when the indecent proposition was made (however politely). That is the traditional response of ladies to cads.

What you might have done was to take hold of the offender to steer him away from your wife, and say insistently, “I think we’d better get you home. You can apologize to Miranda when you feel better.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the last few years, a new form of fundraising, coined “crowdfunding,” has allowed people to raise funds via the internet for things such as startup businesses, or as charity for families who have suffered devastating illness or loss. But this reader has noticed an increase in crowdfunding pleas on social media outlets for money for things such as summer study-abroad trips, dance lessons, and even college tuition.

Is this an appropriate use of these fundraising websites? Should it not be the responsibility of the participant and their families to fund these experiences themselves?

It seems most of the people asking for funding are very capable of earning extra income through a part-time job, or a small business or scholarships -- and not by asking for handouts from family, friends and strangers.

GENTLE READER: Everyone is free to beg, Miss Manners supposes, and few solvent people seem to consider this beneath their dignity.

What disturbs Miss Manners is that crowdfunding depends on social embarrassment to work. She cannot imagine that many people want to spend their philanthropic resources providing luxuries to others, but when asked, they seem to feel they have to.

No, they don’t. Unless they are confronted in person -- in which case they should say, “Sorry, but I have other charities I support” -- they needn’t respond at all, any more than they would to an unrelated solicitation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a buffet where mashed potatoes were served. The potatoes were stuck to the serving spoon, and would not come off. I just put the spoon back down, without taking any potatoes.

Was that all right to do? What is the proper etiquette for this situation?

GENTLE READER: At a buffet table, it is fortunately not necessary to take everything that is offered. Miss Manners would think you should take advantage of that to spare yourself having to eat gummy potatoes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)