DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I attended a housewarming party at a friend’s new condo, we weren’t surprised when we were asked to remove our shoes at the door. But we were surprised when told that we could not open the bottle of red wine that we had brought to share with others.

When asked why, the host replied that new carpet had just been installed. We were even more surprised to find a sign in the restroom telling male guests to sit, not stand, when using the facilities. Would you have been surprised?

GENTLE READER: Little surprises Miss Manners these days.

Dispensing etiquette lessons to your friends is rude -- and doubly so if the infraction has not yet occurred.

It sounds as if your friend has patronized one too many theaters or restaurants, most of which now routinely post etiquette injunctions such as, “Silence your cellphones during the show” or “Throw discarded paper towels in the trash can.” They do this in the vain hope that the patrons will refrain from antagonizing one another, at least on the premises.

Your friend has no such justification, and you are right to be surprised -- unpleasantly so -- at being admonished not to soil the carpet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a professional job interview at a restaurant, where I was told “we could have an informal interview while we grab a bite to eat.” Thinking that eating a meal might be part of the interview process, I agreed.

At the restaurant, I ordered a small salad and an iced tea. The man interviewing me asked all the expected interview questions, and I felt I managed them all -- as well as all etiquette requirements.

At the end of the meal, the interviewer figured my portion of the bill, plus tax and tip, and asked for it in cash. I was flummoxed, and soon realized the “interview” was just a ploy to get reimbursed for his “business expense.”

I never heard from the interviewer again, even when I called to inquire about the job. I did pay my share of the bill, but had to dig into my rent money to do so. What should I have done? What can I do to avoid this in the future?

GENTLE READER: That you evidently have nothing more to expect from the interviewer is disappointing, but it makes it easier to address your specific complaint.

Write to the interviewer’s boss, reviewing the facts of your application and your interest in the company. Your stated purpose in writing will be to learn if the position is still available, since you assume, from the lack of follow-up, that the interviewer is either no longer on the search or no longer employed by the company.

You may then say that you were surprised that the interviewer asked you to pay for an interview lunch, but assume that is not regular company policy. In future, it should be straightforward to avoid scheduling interviews at meal times.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I believe that when one is hosting a large party, it is his or her responsibility to greet each guest. Does the guest also have a responsibility to say goodbye when leaving?

Over the years, I’ve attended many weddings, showers and graduation parties, and after I’ve had my share of polite mingling with both the host and other guests, I usually slide out inconspicuously.

However, recently I was on the flip side of this scenario, and am now questioning my etiquette. I recently hosted an open house for my daughter to celebrate her graduation. Both my daughter and I made sure to greet each guest, but a few left without saying goodbye.

I was a little sad that I didn’t have the opportunity to thank them again for coming. This left me wondering if I’ve been rude all these years by sneaking out of social events. What is the guest’s responsibility?

GENTLE READER: Funny how it requires experiencing what you call the “flip side” to make you realize how flippantly rude you have been all these years. Had you no previous empathy for those who were kind enough to entertain you?

You say that you only want the opportunity to thank your guests for attending. What about the more crucial courtesy of guests thanking the hosts?

Miss Manners hopes that as you have discovered how unpleasant it is to have one’s guests wander in and out as if in a public facility, you will now broadly apply the test of “How would I feel if ...”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct response when someone answers your invitation with “We prefer to be alone that evening”?

GENTLE READER: “Actually, that does sound like a better idea.” (And Miss Manners has toned that down from “Actually, that does sound like more fun for us all.”)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best way to express to a host known for good cooking, or to a restaurant owner, that the food is delicious?

I find that if I say, “Your food is delicious,” I may be implying that I have the right to judge, which I don’t. I tend to say “I really liked your food” or “I really enjoyed your food,” but that seems to be less of a compliment.

What can I say to convey that I thought the food to be delicious, while letting the host know that I am not in a position to judge, and can only judge with my own palate and tastes?

GENTLE READER: That many people seem to think that using their judgment is rude has always puzzled Miss Manners.

It is rude to offer others your insulting opinions of them. It is rude to offer even flattering opinions if it is not your business to size them up -- personal compliments in a workplace, for example.

But how you can construe it to be presumptuous to voice appreciation of a friend’s hospitality, Miss Manners cannot imagine.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it proper for a man to shake a female’s hand firmly?

GENTLE READER: Define “firm.” It should not crack the stone in her ring.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m 62 and have been divorced for 26 years. I’ve been dating the love of my life for 15 years -- obviously not in a hurry to tie the knot, though I gave her a beautiful engagement ring over the summer.

A couple of times in conversations with other people while my fiancee is present, I have told an amusing story (different each time) that involved my ex-wife or a past girlfriend. My fiancee later tells me that that was rude and it offended her.

I have since been quite careful never to go there. Until yesterday.

While we were eating at the bar of a casual restaurant, I struck up a conversation with the couple next to me. The gentleman stated he was from a neighborhood I was familiar with. I then proceeded to tell him that 22 years ago, I played a humorous prank on my child on the way over to my then-girlfriend’s house in that same neighborhood (it involved the geography of that neighborhood). I’m a social drinker and was having fun making the couple laugh.

Needless to say, I caught heck on the drive home for mentioning an ex-girlfriend. I told her she was being childish and that it’s history -- adding, however, that because it offends her, it’ll never happen again. In my head, I’ll just have to think really hard and use generic terms like “friend.” I’ve just never had to analyze anything before I say it. I’m not purposely being rude.

Is she oversensitive? I told her even if, in your opinion, she’s wrong, I will still never go there.

GENTLE READER: The only relevant rule here is: Don’t annoy your fiancee. Not that Miss Manners fails to understand what a pleasure it would be to tell the lady that she is wrong, but that you are humoring her anyway.

Can you imagine how complicated it would be to have a rule about whom one can and cannot mention from one’s past? (Still, and between us, Miss Manners does think it odd for people in midlife to pretend they had no pasts, even benign ones.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was enjoying a bowl of soup at home recently, and I remembered what I believe to be your advice about using the side of the spoon. However, this particular soup contained rice and small meatballs. In delivering the meatball to my mouth using the side of the spoon, I slurped the liquid.

As my primary goals were to deliver the soup without spilling or slurping, I delivered the next meatball by itself with no liquid using the tip of my oval spoon. Is this the correct method when a soup contains morsels of solid food?

GENTLE READER: Why does Miss Manners have the feeling that she is being blackmailed? That you are suggesting that if she doesn’t lift the rule, there will be soup all over the tablecloth?

Neatness first, if she must choose. But you really ought to ask the cook to make smaller meatballs.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)