DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an “airport boredom-relief kit,” consisting of crossword puzzles and an iPod loaded with novels, for use when I am traveling alone. When I arrive at my destination’s airport, I take public transportation to my final stop.

Is it considered rude for me to listen to a book, using headphones, during the ride from the airport?

GENTLE READER: The person who would have sympathized with your problem most was Miss Manners’ own dear mother. She claimed that her own mother had so impressed upon her the need to entertain others that if no one on the city bus was talking, she felt she ought to get them started.

You will be relieved to hear that she did not act on this, and that you carry this responsibility no more than she did. On public transportation, it is polite to allow people to amuse themselves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several years ago, I suffered a significant injury to my left arm that has left me with limited dexterity in my left hand and wrist. This is not outwardly noticeable to others in most circumstances, and has not presented me with social problems until recently.

Last year, I accepted a job with a multinational firm that has me rubbing elbows with many foreigners, especially Europeans, who exhibit much more refined table manners than most Americans are accustomed to using.

However, I’m finding it incredibly difficult to hold and use a fork in my left hand. I tried switching the fork to my right hand and using the knife in my left hand, but I have similar difficulties. I continue to practice nevertheless, but I do not feel I am able to make much progress.

I also feel it isn’t proper to announce my physical limitation just for appearance’s sake. What should a person such as myself do in this situation, where it is important to make a very good impression at fine meals with colleagues?

GENTLE READER: If you want snazzy table manners, you should continue to use the ones you have.

Mind you, etiquette is not heartless, and allows some leeway to people with genuine difficulties. But that is not necessary in this case, because using the fork in the right hand was the older European method -- before things sped up there, with the fork kept in the left hand after being used with the knife to cut.

General use of the fork came late to most of Europe, and when people ate only with spoons -- or, even less attractively, with their knife points -- those implements were held in the right hand. When forks became common, people used those in the right hand as well.

And that was the method that was exported to America. It remained the custom while Europeans learned to shovel their food in faster.

In any case, Miss Manners urges you not to succumb to the self-deprecating view that American customs are inferior to foreign ones. As in this case, they may even be more traditional.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was evacuated from my home due to the wildfires in California, a friend of mine opened up his home to me. I got deathly ill and ruined the sheets I was sleeping in.

I’m still recovering from my illness, and haven’t had a chance to go to the department store to replace the sheets. Today I received an itemized list of all the items that need to be replaced and how much I should spend to replace the sheets and other items. I’m totally insulted by his behavior. How do I proceed from here without having any ill will?

GENTLE READER: Suppressing a feeling of ill will, toward someone who sends you a bill when you are homeless and ill, will not be easy. Yet Miss Manners urges you to try.

This was someone who was generous enough to take you into his home. Have you no clue as to what made him change?

In any case, you still owe gratitude for the hospitality he did show, as well as an apology and restitution for the damage. A stiff note and a check will do it, but Miss Manners hopes you can bring yourself to be gracious, to encourage the good side of your erstwhile friend’s split nature.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I wanted to honor my older sister’s memory on the anniversary of her death by sending flowers to her husband and family. They live in another state and we only see them once in a while. She died of lung cancer after a long and bitter fight to stay alive. We are all still grieving her loss, and her husband has had a very hard time adjusting to being without her.

My younger sister hesitates to send flowers, as she thinks it will stir up more grief and upset them. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That they are already upset -- which is to say still grieving, as you are. And that they are also aware of the anniversary, which would be an especially difficult time. Your choice, Miss Manners believes, is in letting them suffer through that with or without you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I entertain guests who consider alcohol sinful (imagine that!), I put the gin, bourbon, etc. away and offer only soda, juices, etc., even though they know that I partake of such accoutrements. However, when I am a guest at their home, they fail to offer me an alcoholic beverage.

I realize I’m being polite at my home, but I feel like I’m being played for a sucker. What is your knowledgeable opinion?

GENTLE READER: That those who consider alcohol to be a necessary ingredient of hospitality should stick to bars.

Miss Manners is glad that you know enough not to offer your guests refreshment that they consider sinful, although you may consume it yourself. But she is puzzled that you fail to realize that they cannot be expected to stock their house with sin.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone. I found out through a mutual friend that this past Sunday, my doctor’s daughter passed away at the young age of 18. The last time I saw him, he had spoken of his daughter fondly (this was while she was still alive).

He is my gynecologist, and I am currently pregnant, so I will see him again very soon, and very often, for the next few months. I feel almost guilty about the upcoming birth of my child while he grieves for the loss of his.

I want to write him offering my condolences and maybe somehow mention the beautiful thoughts he had shared with me on my last visit. Any ideas how to approach this?

Also, I’m unsure of how and how often to bring her up in my upcoming appointments, if at all. How do I ask how he is doing without sounding like I feel sorry for him? How do I share my joy without stomping on his pain? Should I suppress it? Should I comment on it?

I have no idea how to move forward with this. I want to let him know that my thoughts and prayers are with him and his family without suffocating him with my condolences.

GENTLE READER: That is the beauty of the condolence letter. It allows the sender a forum purely to express sympathy without requiring a response from the mourner other than thanks. Write a letter, including, as you stated, how touched and affected you were by the stories your doctor shared with you.

Miss Manners suggests that you do this before you see him next. Then at appointments, keep it professional and ask the questions that you would normally ask. He is your doctor, and a gynecologist. He will surely have realized that he will be around expectant mothers -- and figure out for himself how to manage that. If he wants to talk about the situation, he will. Your only duty is to make his job as easy for him as possible.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I sat down at an public picnic table, joining some friends. A lone woman already seated there -- not part of our group -- asked my husband to move because she didn’t like his cologne. There were many empty seats available.

We did move to the other end of the picnic table. Who is responsible to find another place if a person’s fragrance is disliked?

GENTLE READER: There is a logic to placing the burden on the newcomer and the fragrant, both of which would be your husband.

But the price of such logic is high, namely the rudeness of telling your husband that he smells bad. Miss Manners would have counseled the lone woman to act only after giving serious thought to moving upwind herself, or to enduring.

By relocating, you made the gracious assumption that the woman had considered the alternatives, and found them impossible. A tight-lipped compliance on your part would be the best way to indicate the likelihood that that assumption is dubious.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)