DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette when an elevator’s doors are closing and someone is walking towards it?

Are the people inside obligated to press the “open door” button? Is it improper for the person trying to get on the elevator to stick their hand in and stop the door?

I think once the doors are closing, one must wait for the next elevator, and should not expect the passengers to open the doors. And that passengers should be annoyed (as I am) when someone sticks their hand in and delays my trip!

GENTLE READER: Would you allow a regular door to swing closed in someone’s face? Miss Manners trusts not.

Etiquette demands a reasonable effort to accommodate elevator late-comers, which means visibly reaching for the “open door” button. Whether actual contact is made with the button can be judged in relation to the distance of the late-comer from the door and how close the door is to shutting.

Etiquette absolutely prohibits swatting away hands that have been inserted into closing doors -- for reasons of both social comity and safety.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 15-year-old son wishes to participate in an after-school activity that lets out at 4:30 p.m, but my husband and I cannot always get to the school by then because of work.

A friend of his who lives down the road is participating, and I told my son he should see if he can hitch a ride home with him and then walk home from his friend’s house. He feels this is rude, and I cannot convince him otherwise -- you are the final word.

I offered to talk to the parents, but he thinks that’s rude. Is it rude to ask your friend, or for me to ask the parents, for a ride?

GENTLE READER: Asking a favor is not rude so long as you and your son understand that the friend is under no obligation to comply, you are gracious no matter the answer, and you are prepared to return the favor when opportunity arises.

The question of who should do the asking gives Miss Manners more pause. The parent of a young child is responsible for his transportation and care, while an adult child shoulders the responsibility himself.

In this case, etiquette allows the request to be made by parent or child, but since the child is unwilling, it will have to come from the parent. And there is another parental duty to be performed first: namely, convincing your son that he need not be embarrassed to receive the ride.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Friends frequently make donations in my name to organizations or charities that they support, but I don’t. I never know how to respond. It seems rude to say that I don’t support or subscribe to the group getting a contribution in my name. Should I just not mention it?

GENTLE READER: Although she agrees that third-party donations are not proper gifts, Miss Manners does not believe it is polite to ignore something given in good faith. You may, however, temper the enthusiasm of your thanks, expressing delight that while you had never heard of the charity, you are pleased and grateful on their behalf.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is dining etiquette different when on an airplane? Should I wait for everyone in my row to be served before eating, as though they are my dinner companions, or should we all politely ignore each other?

What other rules can be ignored, or should be amended, when drinking or eating on an airplane?

GENTLE READER: There are many courtesies that you owe your seatmates on a flight, but pretending that you are at a social event is not one of them. If it were, it would be rude to fall asleep while the others were awake.

The fiction that should be observed is that you are each enclosed in your own space, however sparse that is. Therefore the dining rules require not intruding on others’ space with spills or smells.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife, son and I have been invited to my sister’s club for pasta/pizza buffets for the past few years, and always have a great time. This year, my son, after having made a few trips through the buffet line, got himself some dessert (ice cream with toppings) from the dessert table while everyone else was still having entrees.

Nothing was said at the time, but on the way home, my wife informed him that he should’ve waited for everyone to have finished their entrees before getting dessert. I disagreed with her, saying it was OK to eat at his own pace.

GENTLE READER: Apparently your wife wants to teach your son how to be a guest at a communal meal, to which others have kindly invited him. You, in contrast, seem to believe that the manners for eating alone will be enough to carry him through. Miss Manners considers that your wife’s approach is more considerate, not only of the other guests, but of your son.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have lung cancer, even though I never smoked. My prognosis is not good; basically I’m on treatment to just extend my life, but it can’t cure me. People who know I have lung cancer see me out on my infrequent public outings and always say, “You look great.”

What should be my reaction? Yes, I look good. But I have been told by doctors I may have a year, maybe two. I’m disabled, can’t taste food, get out of breath if I walk more than a block without resting, etc., due to the cancer and its treatment.

What do I say, and why do people base everything on how I look?

GENTLE READER: Would you prefer their saying, “Considering that you’re on your last legs, you look pretty good”?

Miss Manners can sympathize with your being raw about any comments about your tragic state, but there is no cause to blame people who are only trying to say something nice -- and apparently true, as you acknowledge that you do look good.

Your response should be a mere “Thank you.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What does one say to a person who gives unasked-for advice or pseudo-compliments, without being equally rude in return? Others must have this problem and dread events as much as I do because of it.

GENTLE READER: “How kind of you to take an interest in my personal affairs.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several times, friends, acquaintances and family members have apologized to me (face to face) for their not having written a sympathy or thank-you note.

I did not know how to respond to, for example, “I heard that your father died, and I should have sent you a note, but I didn’t and now I feel bad about it.”

I’m afraid I said something like, “Yes, there was lots of sorrow all around,” but I really feel doubly offended.

And many times I have heard, “I loved the (party, lunch, gift) you gave, and I should have sent you a thank-you note.” How would Miss Manners respond?

GENTLE READER: “That’s quite all right. I didn’t expect it.”

Miss Manners is not sure that the All About Me Folks -- you lost your father, and therefore they want you to console them -- will understand. But it should make you feel better.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate for a mother-to-be to send thank-you cards for the baby shower gifts?

GENTLE READER: Unless the baby is going to do it. Or the father-to-be, which may be even less likely.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the matron of honor in my sister’s upcoming wedding. My husband is also in the bridal party as a groomsman.

As is customary, my sister is planning to have the bridal party share a first dance, each attendant with their partner. My mother is insisting that, as matron of honor, I must dance the first dance with the best man, and likewise, that my husband should dance with his corresponding attendant.

Personally, I’d rather share the first dance with my husband, since he’s also in the wedding party, and I will be several months pregnant with a sizable baby bump at the time (read: awkward for dancing).

Does wedding etiquette dictate that the maid/matron of honor and best man MUST share the first dance together? I will be exiting the church and entering the reception with the best man. And of course, I’m happy to do whatever my sister wants. But I’d appreciate your advice on the formal etiquette.

GENTLE READER: You would be shocked to know how little etiquette cares who dances with whom.

While it is customary to have the bridal couple dance first together and then with their parents, the hope is that this leads to the guests’ doing so, rather than an exhibition for them to watch. It is useful to have the bridal party take to the dance floor to encourage others.

What your sister is suggesting is an orderly pairing, not a romantic one. Miss Manners would not object to your dancing with your husband, but neither does she see this as precluding your doing so for the rest of the evening.

As for the baby bump, that is rather charming at a wedding. In any case, it will maintain your distance from your non-husband, if you think that necessary.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)