DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an attractive female in my late 60s. I happen to be tall and large-boned. More than once, I have had men of all ages pass me by while making noises such as grunts, groans, clearing their throats or purposely coughing. This really annoys me that someone would do this. What are they saying?
GENTLE READER: Such noises are generally not considered lascivious, but indications that something requires your immediate attention -- something that it would be rude or embarrassing to name explicitly, perhaps a missing button or an abandoned shoe.
That this is happening repeatedly would give Miss Manners herself pause, as the number of possible problems requiring such attention must surely be limited.