DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister was invited to a neighbor’s house for a pig roast. The neighbor said he had access to a live pig, and asked my brother-in-law to kill and butcher it for him.

This seems a bit much to ask of an invited guest. In a spirit of neighborliness, my brother-in-law acquiesced, but I feel the neighbor went too far in even asking.

GENTLE READER:: Your brother-in-law knows how to kill and butcher a pig?

Surely the neighbor must have known this. One would not turn over such an animal to any willing person who might have a penknife.

Still, it is a large favor, and should have been phrased in the form of a question, as to whether your brother-in-law knew who could do this. But a direct plea could have been answered with a recommendation, rather than agreement to do it himself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I lost my husband to cancer two years ago. I had my diamond engagement ring resized to fit on my right-hand ring finger, next to my pinkie. Is it proper to wear it this way?

Since I am looking to date again, what kind of message does this send to men? Would they think that I am divorced and wear the ring to remind me that I was married before? I want to honor my husband’s memory, but do what is right.

GENTLE READER: Despite what busybodies keep telling widows, there is no right or wrong here.

Nor is there discernible symbolism, other than for rings worn on the left-hand ring finger, which indicate that the lady is married or a widow.

A ring elsewhere could be from widowhood or a divorce, but it could also be inherited, purchased or otherwise acquired. Miss Manners would consider a gentleman who spends time pondering this, rather than taking his chances by inviting the lady out, to be too silly to be worth dating.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I issue a casual invitation in conversation (i.e., “I’d love to take you to this exhibit in the next few weeks if you’re interested,” or even, “Let’s get together for coffee!”), I’m hoping my friend expresses interest by collaborating on a day and time. Is this appropriate?

It seems that, if the person isn’t interested, vague enthusiasm will be expressed and the subject dropped. I might remind the friend of the suggestion again at a later date, and if still no definite plans are made, I’ll drop the idea altogether.

I hear often enough, “Oh, I wish you would have reminded us!” that I wonder if I should persist, but sometimes feel that if I do, I’m creating an obligation where none was wanted.

I hope you’ll forgive me if this seems a matter of “common sense.”

GENTLE READER: Well, it sort of does, although Miss Manners of course forgives you.

You made a suggestion without naming a date; your friend failed to take it up; your friend then backpedaled by claiming that he would have liked to go. And then blamed you, which was not quite nice. Next time, name a date and ask for a yes or no.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What pronouns would Miss Manners advise using when referring to people who do not identify as either male or female?

I work with many young people in a community where a good number identify themselves as “gender fluid.” Using “it” to refer to their friends in this category is seen as offensive, as it equates a person with an object, so my patients refer to such friends as “they,” even while talking about one person. As in, “Then Jordan told me they were going to visit their grandmother in Wisconsin.”

I want to be respectful of how people choose to refer to themselves, but the grammarian in me cannot tolerate using “they” or “them” to refer to a single person. Thus, I find myself sticking to the person’s name only, as in “How long will Jordan be in Wisconsin?” Does Miss Manners, in her sagacity, have any suggestions for a better gender-fluid pronoun?

GENTLE READER: You are kind to believe that Miss Manners can solve this problem, but this is a rare case in which she would like to appeal to her Gentle Readers for help.

You have stated the ground rules:

Be respectful of others. In this case, it means not using masculine or feminine pronouns for those who object.

Do not refer to a person as “it.”

Resist using plural pronouns when referring to a single person.

So far, the solution has been to go around the problem: Make the subject plural, when possible, to use “they” correctly, or use “he or she” with single nouns. But this is getting tedious and doesn’t cover everybody. What we need is something simple that can be easily learned, so that no one is confused or insulted.

So would someone please come up with a solution?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate way to address a couple who are technically engaged but have no plans to marry?

For example, one couple I know has been engaged for many years (including a ring), but have subsequently moved on with all significant milestones outside of marriage -- home, children, major life changes, etc. No mention of marriage arrangements have come up since the initial engagement. So is it still appropriate to refer to them as one another’s “fiance(e)”?

Or does using the term “fiance(e)” run the risk of sounding insulting, since it seems to highlight an unmet promise?

GENTLE READER: What did they promise you? A weekend of lavish festivities?

It seems to Miss Manners that such a couple alone can define the relationship. If they are affianced, they must mean something slightly different from the term now available to committed but unmarried couples, who call themselves partners. Meanwhile, the rest of us should look for our champagne elsewhere.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do salad and dinner forks go on top of the napkin, or between the plate and napkin on the table itself?

GENTLE READER: The latter. As the first thing to do when sitting at table is to put the napkin on one’s lap, Miss Manners would not run the risk of someone’s not noticing the flatware and sending it crashing to the floor.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve been driving for one of the taxi services that people call with an app. My main goal is to get them safely to their destination. I don’t want to portray myself as a know-it-all driver, but I want them to understand that sometimes, traffic happens.

Passenger perception is pretty important, as my driver rating is based on how they feel and not on the quality of my driving. Most interactions are pretty good. I don’t need to “tune out” any passengers, barring making sure I’m attentive to the road.

My trouble is how to respond to backseat or passenger-side drivers. I’m not against suggestions from passengers in general, especially if they know where they’re going and know it includes a weird turn or other pitfalls.

Sometimes, however, the route takes me through streets that are full of fast-moving cars, and I’ll have to adjust my position quite quickly to avoid danger from unaware drivers. In this case, passengers occasionally start to make suggestions on how I should proceed or how I should have proceeded. Often they don’t take into account key details, such as things I can see through my mirrors.

I wouldn’t be incorrect to simply tell them this, but I feel it’d be dismissive and won’t calm their nerves. How can I politely assure passengers that I have their safety in mind (and well in hand)?

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, Miss Manners finds, this is the problem with making ride-sharing an amateur event. Everybody feels equally equipped for the task.

“Thank you for your help; I assure you that I am very much invested in the safety of us both,” should quell any concerns. Adding, “Are you a driver as well?” would further illustrate the point that if the passenger wanted to do it instead, they easily could.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve become an enthusiast of taking various vitamin supplements several times a day, and most of these are supposed to be taken with meals. How do I respond to someone who sees me taking pills and inquires what they are for? Does the answer depend on my relationship with the person?

I don’t generally like answering these types of personal questions, but have trouble answering with, “Thank you for taking an interest in my private business” for what most people seem to think is an innocent question. I have thought of going to the bathroom to take my pills, but I can’t exactly bring a beverage with me to the loo.

GENTLE READER: Perhaps. But unfortunately, a fistful of pills at the dinner table -- no matter how necessary or practical that may be -- is likely to produce a minor spectacle.

However, Miss Manners sees nothing wrong with answering any questions by saying, “Oh, they’re just some vitamins. I won’t bore you with the details.” Which, if these are new acquaintances who are at a loss as to how else to react, could well be the result.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)