DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper response when an acquaintance or stranger says “She’s beautiful” about your child?

Even if I were my teenaged daughter’s biological mother (I’m not), I think “thank you” is a little strange because her beauty isn’t my accomplishment. Should the answer be different depending on whether my daughter is present?

GENTLE READER: Compliments are an expression of admiration, and sometimes also of gratitude, flattery -- or merely an attempt to move things along. Miss Manners expects that anyone who has toasted the host at a boring dinner party or been on a first date is aware of this.

Because compliments are not recognition for work well done, you need not worry about not having earned one. The proper response is “thank you,” meaning for having thought and/or said something charming. If the compliment is given to you about your teenage daughter in her presence, your daughter will have to be gracious about not being addressed directly, an approach more suited to a small child.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and his new wife were married last year, with a wedding shower the month before. We have never received thank-you cards for either event, nor have any of the other guests.

This is very rude of my son and my daughter-in-law, in my opinion. Should I say something to them about getting busy writing, or just let them be rude? Is telling them to write them rude as well?

GENTLE READER: It is not rude when you are in loco parentis -- and even less so, if there can be less than no rudeness -- or when you are the actual parentis.

Miss Manners does suggest that when you raise the issue, you talk about the other guests’ not having received thanks, and leave your own grievance to the side. There will then be no way to confuse justifiable parental nagging with whining.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I both wear wedding bands with carved designs. My ring has no diamonds or jewels of any kind. I don’t have an engagement ring. I respect other women’s preferences, but I did not want my husband to spend unnecessary money on jewels. Our bands were not expensive and they are comfortable to wear.

Some people seem to think that a lack of jewels is an indicator that the husband is not truly devoted. One person even implied that an inexpensive ring means that there was a “shotgun wedding,” for an unexpected pregnancy.

We have been married for seven years, are financially comfortable, and we have no children by choice. How should I respond to people who ask why he didn’t buy me a diamond?

GENTLE READER: As if someone had questioned the value of one of your most treasured possessions.

Miss Manners is not advising a counterattack of the “I do not waste money on baubles” variety. The sentiment-vs.-expense point can be made more subtly. Your face should convey surprise, hurt and vulnerability, as you explain that your husband knows you so well that he guessed that this ring would mean more to you than any rocks would have.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I go out to dinner with another couple, he thinks it’s petty either to request separate checks or to calculate afterward how much each couple owes. He believes the check should always be divided equally, and this is what we do with most friends.

The difference in price between what each couple orders is usually only $10 to $20, meaning that the couple who spent less only contributes $5 to $10 for the other couple’s food.

However, we are friends with one other couple who has always declined to pay for more than they ordered (for the record, my husband and I have always been the ones to order more), and my husband has always grumbled afterward to me about “Tony’s” stinginess.

Last night we had dinner with them, and my husband and I ordered $40 more worth of food and drinks than Tony and his wife. When Tony calculated how much they owed, my husband got angry and confronted him, saying that these calculations had always annoyed him, arguing that paying a little extra is the cost of going out with friends.

I don’t think friends are obligated to subsidize my husband’s and my appetizers, wine, dessert, etc., especially not when it’s $40 worth. Also, I think it’s OK to request separate checks.

GENTLE READER: This problem is likely to solve itself when you find that you are the only person left willing to go out for dinner with your husband.

Funny how his idea of polite sharing always seems to work in his favor. Miss Manners notices that he is not paying that “little extra cost of going out with friends”; he is charging them for the privilege of going out with him.

It is true that it would be petty to grudge the cost of offering hospitality. But this is not the case in a restaurant, where it is agreed that each of you is buying a meal. There is nothing unfriendly about requesting separate checks, which would be a good idea if you want to have any friends left.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Recent wedding-planning discussions have gotten my friends and me thinking about the new rules for wedding gifts.

Most couples of my generation (that fuzzy one between Gen Y and the millennials) have been living together for years, or have been on their own long enough that a wedding registry is seemingly pointless -- just a way to fill one’s already-cramped apartment with more junk.

However, since there is something deeply ingrained within us, asking for cash often comes off as either greedy or crass. What are some ways to avoid the confusion, hurt feelings and duplicate blenders?

GENTLE READER: The way to solve both these problems is to realize that giving and choosing wedding presents -- or, as you think of them, junk -- is up to the prospective donors, not the recipients.

Miss Manners considers the fact that couples often get married fully outfitted to be a good reason to drop the custom, rather than to devise other ways to extract money from guests.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a gentleman who is required to wear a necktie at my job. I love my job, but hate wearing a tie.

Most of my morning commute is spent riding the subway in the metropolis where I live. I leave my house with my tie around my neck and under my collar, but not tied. I know the correct point on the subway to begin tying it, so it is in place when I reach my stop.

My wife opines that this constitutes going out in public “not fully dressed.” I believe that because I am wearing a shirt, pants, and shoes that are appropriate for my job, and that each is correctly buttoned, fastened and/or closed before I leave the house, then I meet the standard of being fully dressed. Perhaps not fully accessorized, but certainly fully dressed.

Is this a matter of manners, or of fashion? As long as I don’t inconvenience (e.g. elbow) anyone else in the process, is it rude to wait until I am riding the subway to knot my tie?

GENTLE READER: When was the last time your wife rode the subway? You might take her for an outing, just to show her the modern definition of not being fully dressed.

If that doesn’t persuade her to approve your current practice, Miss Manners advises you to leave the house while she is otherwise occupied.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the rule for giving out thank-you cards for Christmas gifts you have received? I have a co-worker who complained in general yesterday that she hasn’t gotten any thank-you cards for the gifts she’s given out.

My thinking is that if Jane Doe and John Doe both give each other Christmas gifts, that’s an even exchange and therefore no formal thank-you is needed. It’s like there is balance and understanding within that relationship. But if Jane gives John a gift and doesn’t get one back from John, a formal thank-you would be in order from John to acknowledge that he appreciates the care and time that Jane has taken on his behalf. What is the rule on this, or is there a rule?

GENTLE READER: Yes, there is a rule, and Miss Manners knows that you know it, or you wouldn’t go to such lengths to try to subvert it.

Gratitude and reciprocation are related, but one does not cancel out the other. Your expression of thanks is not a gift that relieves you of the necessity to reciprocate, and the receipt of a present does not excuse you from expressing gratitude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to an event that I am unable to attend. I sent my RSVP as requested, and then I received, by return mail, not only an acknowledgement of my response but a clearly cutting comment on my inability to attend.

I have never before received a response to an RSVP, except verbally (along the lines of “I was sorry to see you can’t join us”). I’m wondering if, all these years, I should have been sending something formal in response to the response, though presumably not something quite as cutting as I received.

GENTLE READER: What did your host respond? “Good, we didn’t really want to see you anyway”?

The rules have not changed to allow insulting -- or even interrogating, which is more common -- those who decline invitations. “We’ll miss you” is allowed but not required.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)