DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter was accepted into a small, prestigious performing arts program in New York City, instead of a traditional college. From the time she was a small child, she has never wanted to do anything else with her life other than pursue her art.

She received wide recognition locally and at her high school, and all of her teachers and mentors have told us that she has the passion and the talent to be successful. We proudly provide the financial support she needs to take this next step, and we are all well aware of how difficult it is to “make it” in the performing arts.

How do we deal with people who seem to view all of this as amusing folly? People constantly ask her what she will do “to support herself” if she can’t find work in her field. They advise us to “make” her switch to a “real” school. When they ask about an alternative career path, we say there is no Plan B. And then they say things like we’ll be supporting her forever, be ready for her to boomerang back home, etc.

The arts elevate us in good times and soothe our souls in bad times. Everyone wants to live in a place with good culture. So why aren’t people more supportive of the artists who are striving to bring beauty into the world? Not everyone can be an accountant or a software engineer!

GENTLE READER: Indeed. And that would be a charming and deflective response to nosy dissenters. But while Miss Manners commends your passion, she urges you to focus your energies on your daughter’s contribution to the arts, rather than efforts to convince the world of its significance. With any luck, your daughter will eventually be able to do that by example.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A young woman I know is six months pregnant and wants to announce it to the family when attending her uncle’s wedding. This will be the first great-grandchild, and is a big deal in this family of five siblings. Do you think the pregnant niece should tell the bride?

GENTLE READER: At six months, she likely will not have to. As the family is already gathered, it seems a good time to give out family news.

Miss Manners suspects that your real question is whether it will upstage the bride. But if everyone cannot figure out which of the two women is the bride, there is clearly a greater problem.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My neighbor at work files her nails fairly often. It is a truly intolerable noise to me, and I have asked her to refrain. She obliges, but then forgets and starts again.

Is there anything I can do besides repeatedly asking her to stop? I am sometimes reduced to running to the supply closet to look for paper clips I don’t need in order to avoid hounding her on the issue. Does that sound really not bother anyone else?

GENTLE READER: Very likely it does. But for maximum result, Miss Manners suggests that you act as though it is your problem, not your colleague’s: “I am so sorry, but I have extremely sensitive ears. I wonder if you might be able to do that in another room.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For a “scarf party” for someone who has breast cancer and is undergoing chemo, the invitation read as essentially a bridal or baby shower: Come and bring scarves, hats, frozen meals, etc. to make life easier for her.

While this is unconventional, I was thrilled to shower the recipient with love as she faces serious medical problems.

When the party turned to opening her gifts, the hostess sat down with a pad of paper to take notes on who gave what (presumably for the recipient to write thank-you notes). I told the hostess, “Oh, don’t make her write thank-you notes!” To which she replied, “All right, I’ll write them.”

Ordinarily I wouldn’t think this is an acceptable alternative, but because of the special nature of the occasion, it doesn’t seem right to say, “Hey, let’s throw a party to make you feel loved and try to make your life a little easier!” but then, “I know you are going through a lot, and have limited energy, but you’d better write out all these notes!” Of course, if the recipient wants to write them out during her treatments, that’s another matter.

It was a lovely occasion and many tears were shed. I feel like it really gave her a boost halfway through chemo. Unfortunately, another friend has been diagnosed with breast cancer and will start chemo very soon. I would like to throw a similar party for this friend, but wasn’t sure how to thank everyone.

GENTLE READER: While well-intentioned, you put your hostess in the impossible position of pointing out that she is burdening the gift recipient with writing thank-you letters, and then condemning her for the suggestion that she do it herself.

If you can delicately suggest to your guest of honor that you are happy to help or have her dictate them to you, that might be a good compromise. But Miss Manners entreats you to do so in a way that does not either deprive her of expressing her gratitude (which she might find a pleasant distraction) or nag her. That would most certainly add to her burden.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to my niece’s wedding and look forward to attending. The reply card for the reception dinner (for over 300 people) offers a preference: Check one, either “filet” or “salmon.”

For the past year, I have been a vegetarian. I don’t expect my family to remember that, nor do I wish to add another task to the arrangements. How would you suggest I reply?

GENTLE READER: With a new card. The proper response to a wedding invitation is a handwritten reply, not a checked-off menu list, even if it was solicited and provided.

Miss Manners suggests you ignore the menu question and send your response to the more important one -- “are you attending?” -- without the reply card. (Oh, all right -- if you must, you may stuff your own stationery into the pre-addressed and stamped envelope.) If questioned later or at the wedding itself, you may say that while you are a vegetarian, you are sure that there will be plenty for you to eat.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a family social media group, what is the proper response if two of your adult grandchildren call you by your first name, intentionally and without permission? It had been “Grandma” before; we’re estranged but I’m included in the family social media page.

GENTLE READER: The electronic age has given rise to many inexplicable gray areas, to which Miss Manners will now add “estranged but included in the family social media page.”

Relatives usually become estranged when misbehavior reaches a level where one or both sides can no longer tolerate social interaction. If excessive familiarity was central to the original estrangement, then the social media page may serve as an invitation to resume hostilities. If not -- or if there is the possibility of redemption -- then a polite request to resume your former designation may be enough.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband became the owner of the small business he has worked at for more than 30 years. Our daughter is getting married this spring, and we are wondering if it would be appropriate to invite his employees to the wedding.

Several years ago, when my husband was not the owner of the business and our son was getting married, we only invited one of his fellow employees, who has known our children since they were infants. This employee still works for my husband, and now her daughter does, as well.

We naturally feel inclined to invite them both, and the other employees as well. However, my husband does not want any of them to feel obligated to attend now that he’s the boss. (If he were not “the boss,” he’d probably not hesitate to invite everyone.)

I say they are free to decline if they do not wish to attend, and there will be no hard feelings. I am concerned that if we invite two of his employees and not the others, there will definitely be hard feelings.

My husband feels he should verbally let them know they are not obligated, but I feel that this will send the message of, “We feel obligated to invite you but we would rather you decline.” I feel we should just invite, express regret if they decline and joy if they attend, and get back to business when it’s all over. Am I being realistic? Or are we just overthinking things?

GENTLE READER: Would-be guests are usually free to decline invitations, but suggestions from the host that they do so are bound to be misconstrued.

Miss Manners nevertheless understands and agrees with your husband’s concern. Invitations from a person in a position of authority are more difficult to decline -- hence the term “command performance.” He is right to worry that an employee would feel compelled to accept.

The solution is not to qualify the invitation, but not to issue it. If the mother and daughter are friends, and not just employees, invite them on that basis. An employee who feels left out has a less legitimate gripe than one who thinks he had to give up his time off to preserve his job.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)