DEAR MISS MANNERS: One thing I love about my husband is that he loves people. He and a few of the men at our church usually refer to their wives as “Mama” when talking about us: “Oh, Mama’s hungry; you better go feed her.” “You better check with Mama first,” etc.

Because we are a very close group of friends, it doesn’t bother me. My husband also tends to call other women Mamas as a term of endearment, but for the women who have been in his life a long time and the women in the family, I don’t mind.

But it really bothered me when we went to lunch and he said it to a complete stranger, our waitress, as he thanked her for simply doing her job. Immediately he looked at me to see how I would react. I played it off as if I didn’t hear or it didn’t bother me by not acknowledging it.

He typically doesn’t do this in front of me to complete strangers, but now I feel he does it when I’m not around. Do you think I’m wrong to be bothered by this?

GENTLE READER: Has he considered that the ladies he so addresses might be bothered by this? If he loves people, surely he wouldn’t want to offend any.

True, many probably accept it as a kindly meant colloquialism. Some might consider it patronizing. But one day he is going to say “Mama” to a stranger who has suffered a miscarriage, who will burst into tears.

It will be difficult to curb this, but Miss Manners suggests saying lovingly that you regard it as an intimate term of endearment, and hope he will keep it in the family.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are part of a group of about 20 who have been invited to the same home, by the same host and hostess, for a New Year’s Eve dinner and celebration for about 40 years. Good friends, good food and great stories. There are occasional neighbors or newer friends of the hosting couple, but the core is the old crowd from our childhood and their spouses.

Now one of the crowd called and said that they felt that each of us should bring the hostess a small gift to show appreciation for all the years of her having us to their home. I was a bit taken back, as we are all so close and entertain each other at our own homes a few times a year, although the New Year’s party is this couple’s only group gathering.

Knowing them as I do, they will be embarrassed, if not upset, with the gifts. We will go along, but only with a donation to a very needy charitable organization.

GENTLE READER: But why will you go along with something you feel will embarrass your friends?

You are old friends of the others, and should have felt obligated to tell them that their well-meant gesture was likely to have an effect opposite to their intention. Miss Manners is afraid that people often shut down their judgment when generosity is suggested, for fear of looking cheap.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love to dance, and take classes three times a week. We learn new dances and also repeat old ones. There is a woman in one class who just stands still and gets in the way when we move around; it is impossible to keep up when someone keeps blocking one’s way.

It was so bad during the last class that I had to keep stopping to avoid running into her, which was very annoying, so I moved to the other side of the room. To my chagrin, she followed me to the other side of the room and continued to block my way!

When I complained to another dancer afterward, he told me that this woman can only see shadows, and that she was staying close to me to try and follow what I was doing.

Going blind must be awful, and I think it is great that she’s attending a dance class in spite of this challenge, but there are lots of other dancers to try and follow besides me. I don’t want her to keep following me around, since she obviously cannot see what I’m doing, or she wouldn’t keep blocking me. Is there a kind and tactful way to handle this, short of dropping out?

GENTLE READER: One choice would be for you to inform the leader of the class, and to request that arrangements be made to instruct this student in dancing without your having to participate.

Another choice would be to feel flattered at this lady’s admiration of you, and to use part of your time to guide her in dance steps more directly, thus learning something in addition.

Miss Manners probably needn’t tell you which she would prefer.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been giving consumable gifts for Christmas and birthdays in the past few years, partly because people always complain about having too much stuff around, and partly because that way I can provide something enjoyable on a student’s budget. I have given food, bath things and tickets, depending on the tastes of the “give-ee.”

The problem is that I have no way of knowing if the gift was enjoyed or if I should go in a different direction the next time. My friends and family tell me that they enjoy the gifts and thank me for them, but they are polite enough to do that even if I gave them something dreadful.

I know that I should not ask if people liked gifts after I have given them, but I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, and I can let it go if need be.

GENTLE READER: The charming custom of exchanging presents -- as opposed to the decidedly uncharming ones of exchanging shopping lists or payments -- has to involve informed guessing. You note people’s tastes, as you say, and hope that they will be pleased (and express gratitude either way).

Miss Manners agrees that you are not going to get critical feedback from polite people. But you have another year to observe what they serve at home or order at restaurants, and what shows they see -- if not their bathing habits.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I guess I did a novel thing: I decided my friends on social media should be my actual friends.

So I unfriended that guy from high school that I don’t even remember sharing a class with; the woman I was barely acquainted with when I worked at that one company I left 20 years ago; the local real estate agent who sold a house to me, like, 17 years ago, etc. Basically, I’m only friends with people I know and would enjoy having a cup of coffee with now.

Well, I ran into the real estate woman at the hardware store yesterday, and the first thing she said to me was, “I don’t see you online anymore -- did you unfriend me?!?”

And I stammered that I didn’t think so, and then changed the subject. Later, when I was home, I saw that she was trying to friend me again, which so far I’m ignoring. She’s perfectly pleasant and I’m happy to make small talk the next time I run into her, but when that happens and she asks again about “unfriending,” what do I say?

GENTLE READER: That is the problem with public declarations of acquaintanceship disguised as friendship. Miss Manners suggests that you say, “I am afraid that my social media use was getting out of control ...” and not finish that sentence, leaving it up to the listener to infer whether you discontinued it altogether or only in regards to them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have signed up (and paid for) a 90-day nutritional program at my gym. The coach has given each of us specific calorie goals and nutrition guidelines. I am also participating in the “no alcohol” part of the program.

My husband and I enjoy going out for dinner after work, oftentimes with friends, and I anticipate that I will be ordering off-menu when we go out, likely asking our servers many questions.

I am inquiring about the best way to be “that person” while not being rude or overly demanding. I would like to stay true to the promises I have made to my coach and myself, but I would also like to have a nice meal with my friends when we go out, without being left with, “I’ll have plain grilled chicken, steamed broccoli and water, please.”

GENTLE READER: Call the restaurant first, or look up the menu online. When you make the reservation, ask if they would be willing to take any special requests in advance.

Miss Manners feels certain that any reasonably accommodating restaurant will be just as eager and relieved as your fellow guests not to have to go through a lengthy list of ingredients and swap-outs during a busy mealtime. If, however, they are not amenable when you call, perhaps you could describe that scenario in painfully graphic detail.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)