DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law (wife of my husband’s brother) has declined the last five invitations to events either thrown by me or in my honor, each time with a not-entirely-convincing last-minute excuse (i.e., traffic was bad, her child was tired, etc.).

How many times do I allow her to decline before I remove her from my guest list entirely?

GENTLE READER: How important are the relationships with the rest of the people involved?

The easiest solution is to continue to keep her on the list so as not to provoke ire amongst her and the rest of the family. But if you are feeling bold and can maintain a polite tone, Miss Manners would recommend that you enlist your brother, saying, “It seems that our parties always seem to fall on times that are inconvenient for Sophie. Would she rather that I not burden her with them?” This will likely either force her into a confession or encourage your brother to press the issue privately.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I live in a small apartment building and he works from home. He is also a very gregarious person, and it is hard on him, having no opportunity to socialize during the day.

Now that the weather has improved, he’s started working on our back porch. In the afternoons, as he finishes up, he greets every neighbor and passer-by and ends up inviting many of them to “stay awhile.” And they do.

Three or four days a week, I get home from my job to find a crowd around the door with my husband liberally dispensing wine and snacks to all and sundry. These guests then stay, and stay, and stay -- sometimes through the dinner hour, and oftentimes until bedtime or later. Weekends are just as bad.

These are not my good friends. These guests drink all my wine, eat all my food, never reciprocate and never leave. It feels rude to walk away from the party, but there are other things I’d like to do in the evenings or on the weekend, like errands or housework or cooking dinner. Sometimes I just want to engage in my hobbies or read a book.

But I’m trapped by guests that I haven’t invited. Is there a polite way to disengage from the party, or do I just need to accept the hit to my time, wine rack, grocery budget and sanity and wait for winter to come around again?

GENTLE READER: Yes, about the groceries and wine. These are your husband’s guests, and presumably his shared larder. But without prior knowledge of their presence, you may politely excuse yourself, citing work or other obligations the next morning.

However, there is a more important conversation that needs to happen with your husband -- and soon. Without completely curbing his fun and occasional right to have impromptu guests, you may negotiate reasonable limitations. Time restrictions, for example, may be set -- as well as maximum volumes and grocery limits. And if violated, requests that the party continue at someone else’s house --or a local pub or cafe -- should also be instigated by your husband.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a co-worker who likes to sample our beverages without asking. She will just grab the drink and take a few big gulps directly from the straw. Sometimes, she’ll remove the plastic lid of the drink and slurp from the cup itself. The first time it happened, we were shocked, but now it’s become an almost daily activity for her.

The co-worker it most often happens to once blurted out quickly, as the beverage thief was about to sip her drink, “Oh, I feel like I may be coming down with something ... you don’t want my germs!” To which the offending co-worker replied, “Oh, that’s OK. I have a really strong immune system” then proceeded to slurp away.

The catch? We all work in the health care field! We’ve tried being totally direct with the beverage thief by saying, “Stop drinking our drinks!” But the beverage thief just laughs it off like we’re joking. Honestly, it’s such a strange issue to have as professionals in our 40s, but we are really at a loss here.

Aside from outfitting our beverages with sophisticated alarm devices, keeping our drinks by our sides at all times (not feasible at our job, as we move around quite a bit and are not stationed in one place throughout the day), or lacing our beverages with pickle juice, we don’t know how to handle this situation.

GENTLE READER: If you are willing to consider lacing beverages with pickle juice, then Miss Manners infers that you are willing to surrender a few drinks to solve the problem.

Very well. Next time the co-worker helps herself, give her the drink. When she protests, politely refuse to take it back, explaining that you are probably overreacting, but your training about the spread of germs is so ingrained that you just cannot overcome it. You may even resort to leaving the area, without taking the drink, as a way of indicating that it is now hers. Eventually, the message will sink in.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I see two service providers fairly regularly. In one instance, the provider canceled an appointment due to a family emergency. In the second instance, the provider had an obvious injury.

My reaction on greeting each at the next appointment was to proceed with business without calling attention to the emergency or the injury. My feeling is that we are not friends, and they most likely do not wish to share personal information with every client they see.

I do, however, feel that I may be perceived as cold to not inquire into their well-being. How should I handle a situation like this in the future?

GENTLE READER: Whether your providers are in the habit of sharing personal information with every client, the first provider has done so with you. It is therefore not a question of respecting privacy. Miss Manners sees no harm in the civility of a polite follow-up inquiry -- assuming that your provider will not take it as an invitation to use the appointment to discuss his problems instead of yours. By contrast, the injured provider has not invited personal inquiries, and you are therefore right not to inquire.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Does etiquette have any guidance for the chronic mistake-maker?

I am 40 years old, and I have spent most of my life losing items seconds after they leave my hands, making wrong turns, forgetting names, and being lost for words when polite replies are most needed. These things inconvenience others and cause me embarrassment.

I nearly always apologize when others are affected, but when taking an extra 20 minutes to leave the house because I am still searching for my keys and wallet becomes a daily occurrence, is there a position I can hold in regard to the most frequently affected parties other than that of a constantly apologizing person?

GENTLE READER: Apologizing is etiquette’s way of making mistakes right, but there is no provision for a bulk discount.

This is not an oversight. There is no good way to announce your intent to inconvenience your friends and relatives on a daily basis without implying that you have given up trying not to do so.

Miss Manners appreciates that you have not made a quasi-medical excuse for what you admit to be mistakes, but you do seem resigned. If you cannot correct the behavior, then an apology is a minor additional commitment of time. The recipient will appreciate the gesture -- and also understand if the apology is not extensive.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Sometimes, when calling on the phone for some kind of customer support, I am connected to a person who can barely speak English, and it is almost impossible to understand what they are trying to say. What would be a good way to request another person to speak to, without being rude? This happens more often than not.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette demands that you make a reasonable effort to be patient with someone who is trying, in good faith, to be understood. But you cannot be expected to read minds. After the second or third request to repeat what was said -- and perhaps an apology for your own difficulties in understanding -- Miss Manners gives you permission to ask, “Would it be possible to speak with someone else? I’m having some trouble understanding what’s being said.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don’t have anything against animals. In fact, my husband and I generously support our local humane society. I just don’t want pets in my house. This seems to offend some of my friends and family members, who take their dogs with them wherever they go. Am I wrong not to want dogs on my furniture, rugs and scratching up my hardwood floors? Please give me some advice as to how to convey my feelings without offending them.

GENTLE READER: However reasonable Miss Manners may agree that it is that uninvited guests not scratch up your floors, it is the contrary opinion of your guests that is causing problems. What you can both agree on is the importance that their pets be protected from harm. Explain with great concern that pet safety is not something you can guarantee in your home as, not being a pet owner, your house cannot be made adequately pet-friendly.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)