DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have three friends who, at times, refuse to talk at all in social situations. I am going to visit one of them as her houseguest.

I suspect that the reason she does not chat or respond to remarks is solely due to her being hard of hearing, but she attributes it to the custom in her family. She does not even respond to practical questions or remarks. I have sat through dinners in total silence.

I suspect that she relies almost totally on lip-reading, hence she chats only when we sit down in a quiet place and she can face me. She will not discuss her hearing without extreme shame and upset. Is it OK if I read, go online, sleep or watch TV (depending on the situation) as I would if I were alone?

The second friend loves to go out for cocktails, but will sometimes sit in silence, barely responding to my questions and not bringing up any topics. I brought along a book to occupy myself during the usual two hours of silence one day, and she remarked angrily, “If I knew you were going to read, I would have brought my book.” I didn’t want to start a fight, so I put the book away and started to talk (that seems to be my job).

The third friend, also on vacation, refused to talk at all at meal times, saying she had to concentrate on her chewing. We were childhood friends and until recently had always chatted during meals. So I turned on the TV and brought a book to the table. She was extremely angry, but still refused to talk.

I am not able to force people to talk, so is it reasonable and polite for me to occupy myself as though I were alone?

GENTLE READER: Apparently your friends, who may well have hearing problems, do not think so. But rather than deal with that difficulty, they seem to consider it reasonable and polite to remain silent while you perform monologues for them -- so perhaps they are not the most trusted sources. Miss Manners also has to wonder how people who argue that they prioritize chewing over conversation have remained friends for this long.

If you are a houseguest or on vacation, the situation emulates an extension of being in one’s own home. You could say, “It seems that you are tired and I do not wish to burden you with conversation. Perhaps you wouldn’t mind if I read or turned on the television, unless there’s something that you particularly wish to discuss.” Or you can claim your own fatigue and retire to your room.

Unfortunately, when you are out in public together, it is not considered polite to otherwise occupy oneself, even if the conversation is strained. Although that has clearly not stopped most of the electronic device-carrying world.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I find myself in a unique position of wanting to return a gift to the person who gave it. It was a cookbook given to my late partner, just before his death. It was a very caring and thoughtful gift that I wish the gift-er could or would use for another person.

GENTLE READER: This is a rare occasion where obvious regifting is not considered impolite -- if, Miss Manners notes, it is done kindly and with sensitivity. “My partner adored this gift and used it often,” you can say. “I am sure that he would want you to have it, since you shared such an enthusiasm for cooking.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have two male coworkers who insist that men do not need to wash their hands every time they use the bathroom, but only if they are making a number two (shall I politely say) or if they are going to lunch.

I say, everyone should wash their hands every time they use the restroom, for proper hygiene. Not just for themselves, but for every other person in the office.

GENTLE READER: Not being a medical professional, Miss Manners’ insights into hand-washing are of limited value. The hygiene-of-the-office conversation, however, is her area, and on this she has a definite opinion: Inquiries into the bathroom practices of co-workers are decidedly unsanitary. If such issues must be addressed, management can do so through posted signs.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A very dear friend of mine recently married, and his wife and I have struck up a friendship as well. They often invite me to their home for dinners or visits.

Several times, I have been horrified by the hostess placing her bare feet on the dinner table, so much so that it’s hard to have a conversation with her while it’s happening. She has never done it WHILE we are eating, but it’s impossible to eat without thinking about her habit.

It is her house, and I can’t say anything about how she should conduct herself in her own home, especially when she’s hosting me. However, it makes me terribly uncomfortable and seems rude on her part. Is there any proper way to address this, or should I simply keep silent? I have no idea what I would say if I could say anything at all.

GENTLE READER: That it is rude to correct the manners of another person, does not mean you are entirely without options. Find a moment, in a private discussion with your friend, to mention how much you adore his wife, after which you may express amusement over how shocking some people no doubt find this particular habit. Ideally, your friend will deal with the situation himself. But Miss Manners realizes that it is also possible he will be equally amused and confess that this is what made him fall in love with her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My good friend and I simply adore book signings. Recently she had a baby, and when I invited her to a book signing, she responded that it’ll be “the baby’s first signing!” It will be right at the baby’s bedtime, and I don’t want to be rude to other attendees. Is it rude of me to try to discourage her from bringing a 6-month-old to a book signing?

GENTLE READER: Whether or not it would be rude, Miss Manners questions if it will not be ineffective and unnecessary.

As someone who has attended one or two book signings, she recognizes that they generally provide more ways to escape or take aside an unruly infant than, say, a sit-down dinner. She recommends presuming that the mother will contain unwanted outbursts. But if you cannot make that presumption, express concern that the baby might not find it as interesting as those who have already learned to read.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband tends to be much more fastidious in terms of cleaning up than I am. I am by no means messy, but do sometime leave a dish or two in the sink to come back to later. I work at home and often I am eating quickly, and will place my breakfast or lunch dishes in the sink to deal with when I am done working. Or I may finish a snack and then want to do a load of laundry, finish another task, or even just finish the chapter of the book I am reading before washing the dishes.

My husband, on the other hand, is someone who washes a dish IMMEDIATELY after using it. He even washes all the dishes used to prep dinner before sitting down to eat, resulting in cold food.

There are times where I will leave a few dishes in the sink, with every intention of coming back to wash them later. In the interim though, my husband will have his own few dishes to wash, and he will wash those but leave mine in the sink. He claims that it is rude of me to assume someone else will clean up after me, which I have explained is never the case!

I feel that it is a bigger slap in the face, and intentionally rude, to wash his own plate but leave mine in the sink. Yes, I left it there with every intention to wash it myself later, and will, but would it really kill you to just wash the cup that happens to be sitting in the sink too? If he ever happens to leave something in the sink, I wash it, no problem, since I feel that is just the polite thing to do.

I know you’ll tell me to just wash my dishes as I go, but am I really being rude and selfish? Or is he being rude as he tries to prove his point to me?

GENTLE READER: Were the dishes capable of independent thought, it would be to them that Miss Manners would extend her sympathy, as they are the only innocent party in the room. “We just, please, want someone to wash us,” they plead.

But no, Miss Manners, is not going to tell you that you must clean every dish in your own home as soon as you have finished using it. Whether your husband has found a way to indicate his disagreement at this arrangement, Miss Manners does not know. It is not rude to leave the occasional dish -- assuming, as you assert, that it was not your intention to thereby leave the task to your husband. But if you do not mean him to do it, then you cannot chastise him for not doing so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are your thoughts on someone throwing a retirement party and selling tickets to attend?

GENTLE READER: That invitation recipients might think there is a more rewarding way to spend their entertainment budget.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)