DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wonderful husband is everything I could want; however, his one flaw is his table manners.

My profession requires me to attend upscale business dinner meetings, and we are asked to join friends for meals as well. Unfortunately, most people we encounter at these events are completely turned off by my husband’s table manners -- which also, for some reason, reflect badly on me. We have lost many friends and I’ve lost business contacts as a result.

I am used to it, but others are not! He likes to eat with his fingers rather than use dining utensils, even greasy foods that get all over his hands and face. If he does use a utensil, it’s a tablespoon to scoop up the food all the faster. He will ask the server for a tablespoon the moment we are seated, even though nothing requiring one is on the menu. He also drinks soup by picking up the bowl and slurping it down, and stares at other people’s plates if they contain food that he enjoys, waiting for them to put down their spoon for a moment and then asking if he can finish the food on their plate.

At one business dinner in a very upscale hotel dining room, we were seated eight to a round table. Desserts were placed before each diner, and after “inhaling” his chocolate cake, he went around to everyone at the table asking if he could have their cake if they weren’t planning to eat it! Most of the diners at the table intended to enjoy their dessert, but at a normal, leisurely pace -- which he assumes means they don’t care for the food placed before them.

The shock on their faces showed that they didn’t know how to respond, and most inched their dessert toward him. He happily sat at the table with six other desserts in front of him, tackling one after the other, while everyone looked on in disgust. Then he excused himself from the table, announcing he had to “go wash up” since the grease of the steak dinner was all over his hands and face.

Needless to say, I lost all further contact with any of my associates who dined at that table with us. Gently suggesting change does not work! Neither do dirty looks or reprimanding statements. Any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Your husband’s behavior reflects badly on you because ... he is your husband. The sole reason for his inclusion at business functions is in that capacity. But even in social situations, you cannot expect to avoid some measure of censure.

His behavior is abhorrent, but you are the one most able to take corrective action. You -- or rather, he -- therefore have two choices: Reform his manners or cease to include him. This will be easier in your business life than your personal life, since you can tell your husband you have to avoid further damage to your career -- ”business people are so unforgiving” -- and you can tell your business partners that your husband was unavailable.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have dinner with a small group of longtime friends who come together once or twice a year to touch base. One person in the group tends to dominate the conversation with greatly detailed storytelling of mishaps and adventures of family members and friends.

I believe I speak for the others in the group as well -- as I recognize the glaze in their eyes and the curious questions ceasing -- that we’d all like a chance to contribute and catch up. For example, I want to hear about everyone’s newest grandchild, latest hobby or how they’re coping with an aging parent, but it’s hard to get past this one long-winded person. Can you suggest a delicate way to redirect the conversation without being rude?

GENTLE READER: Even when a dinner party includes a relatively small number of guests, etiquette allows -- even expects -- many multiple, simultaneous conversations among different groupings. It is natural that at some point in the evening, attention may focus on a single speaker, but not for more than a few minutes.

When your lecturer begins, feel free to start a separate conversation with your next neighbor. If your guests follow your lead, only one or two people need be bored at a time, and this duty can be quietly rotated as you move from pre-dinner drinks, to the table, to after-dinner coffee.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is engaged and I am over the moon. I have more friends that want to throw a party to celebrate their engagement than invitations allotted to the wedding. I have hosted parties for many of their children in the past and I know they want to do the same for me.

What should I do? Do I let them throw a party even though they will not be invited to the wedding, or do I politely decline?

GENTLE READER: How many of these offers were you planning on accepting? Miss Manners agrees that anyone hosting a party should be invited to the wedding, but she assumes that at least one of the prospective hosts is already on the invitation list. Everyone else can be thanked but told that a party is already scheduled.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our family received a save-the-date card in the mail for an upcoming bar mitzvah. Our families’ children attend school together and our family was very excited to be included.

The save-the-date card remains posted in our kitchen, but no invitation was received. The party is now only two weeks away. No calls have been received from the family or their party planner asking if we plan to attend for their final count. What to do?

GENTLE READER: Having been asked to save the date, it is only reasonable of you to assume that an invitation would be forthcoming. Miss Manners would not want you to be accused of not responding to an invitation that was mailed but not delivered, nor for your hosts to feel regret that you missed the event because of a mistake on their part -- either failing to mail an intended invitation or assuming that the “save the date” was all that was required.

You should therefore inquire directly. If the omission was not innocent -- for example, an attempt to solicit gifts without an invitation -- you will find out soon enough.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I announce my second wedding, which will be a tropical destination wedding for two only?

Most of our immediate friends and family know of our recent decision. We made this choice after months of debate over who we could and could not invite to a more intimate local wedding.

The list of invitees was always greater than our budget could afford, and we were also set on taking a honeymoon that neither of us had in our first attempts at marriage. Finally, landing on a destination wedding seemed to make things right by us, yet I need to make sure I don’t exclude all who have shown us love and support over the years and throughout our journey of love and life shared together.

Additionally, many have expressed an interest in making contributions toward our destination wedding, which they can do online.

How do I include such a reference in an announcement, when it will simply be an announcement and not a “save the date” or an invitation? I don’t want to appear needy and/or inappropriate, but I also don’t want to disregard the wishes of those who’ve expressed such.

GENTLE READER: A short vocabulary review is in order.

A destination wedding is one in which the guests are invited to a location that is chosen for its charms to the couple, rather than for any association with them or their families. If no guests are invited, it is called an elopement.

A wedding announcement cannot be confused with an invitation or a save-the-date notice because it is sent after the wedding -- its purpose being not to herald an event, but to announce that one has taken place.

Miss Manners hopes that this is helpful because she refuses to assist you in soliciting funds for your trip. People who have expressed the wish to contribute deserve to be thanked individually, which is when you can tell them how to do it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a small dinner party for a group of folks who know each other well. Some of these folks had been to my place before, and others had not.

I announced at the outset that cold beverages were in the refrigerator and that wine and glasses were on the counter, and that I hoped that all would consider themselves at home, and to feel free to help themselves to anything that they wanted.

This seemed to surprise some. Was I too forward? Could you just respond with a short answer such as, “You are the host; act like one,” or, “Very welcoming”?

GENTLE READER: All right: You are the host; act like one.

But Miss Manners is reluctant to leave it at that, because of course a host should be welcoming. It is just that the warm and well-intentioned directive to “Make yourself at home” is not taken literally by polite guests, nor should it be.

You wouldn’t want your friends to rummage in your bedroom drawers as if they were at home. And they do not want to rummage in your refrigerator. Acting like a host requires treating them as welcome guests.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)