DEAR MISS MANNERS: What do you get two conservative Christian Republican men who have sprung out of the closet and announced they are getting married?

I’m really confused. But as I have social and business ties with them, I must attend and not offend.

GENTLE READER: Was offending them otherwise your plan?

Your confusion as to this couple’s union seems highly irrelevant in selecting a present for them. (And certainly, you do not really need Miss Manners to explain to you how any two people could possibly fall in love and get married.)

If you have social and business ties to them, then you probably know something about their tastes. If you do not, then ask someone who does.

But please do not create a theme (like “How could this happen?!”) where none is warranted. This would hardly be the first couple whose guests wondered at the suitability of their match -- but under no circumstance is it anybody else’s business.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I invited a friend to a dinner party, she asked if she could bring some berries for guests to put in their salads, and whatever was left over, I could keep. When I saw the large amount of berries she brought, I was looking forward to making a pie.

After the main course, when everyone was sitting around and conversing, she went into the kitchen and brought out the bowl of berries. She told everyone how good they were for you, scooped up handfuls for herself and her husband, and insisted others try them.

I quickly offered homemade dessert if anyone had room for it, but everyone declined. I did eventually bring my dessert out and it was barely touched.

Was I wrong for feeling my guest should not have taken over my menu? I spent time and effort making a lovely dessert, which no one touched except my husband and myself. I was also disappointed with the diminished “gift,” which was only enough for topping my bowl of cereal the next morning. What could I have done differently?

GENTLE READER: Not much. You were duped. Your clever friend brought the berries under false pretenses by making a reasonable offer that you -- and then your guests -- could hardly decline.

Next time, Miss Manners suggests that you politely demur, stating that you have your menu already planned. And if your friend brings the berries anyway, you have every right to omit them from the meal and proceed with your plans: to take them, bake them and put ‘em in a pie.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am wondering if it is tacky to give a lovely, wrapped birthday gift, but forgo the birthday card?

I find that cards are increasingly expensive, and have opted to give nice, thoughtful and beautifully wrapped gifts with a simple tag (given in person, at a gathering to celebrate) rather than adding a $6 card to go with it. Is this acceptable?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Printed wishes from the giver are optional. Written thanks from the receiver -- and therefore the aforementioned tag that ensures their proper destination -- are not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who shows up every morning with her two toddlers, whether I asked her to or not. She doesn’t understand that I don’t have children and am a little slower to wake up in the mornings. I think it’s rude that just because she texts and I don’t answer, she feels she can just show up.

Am I wrong? What should I do? I tried to explain my situation to her but she just got offended and left.

GENTLE READER: Thereby, it seems to Miss Manners, solving the problem. However, if you would like to keep the friendship and mend fences -- while also keeping them firmly in place -- you could say, “I am so sorry, but I’m afraid that I was half asleep and do not remember your visit. Please forgive me if I was brusque, but perhaps we should just stick to making plans in advance instead of spontaneous visits, so that I do not again act rashly out of sleep deprivation.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have one sister and no other siblings. She has two sons. One had a birthday a few days ago; the other’s birthday was a few months ago.

I am only invited to their house for holidays. When I extend an invitation to them, it is always declined. Because of these spread-out holiday celebrations (Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas) I brought birthday gifts for both nephews to the Easter celebration, at which much of my brother-in-law’s family was present along with me. I presented the nephews with their gifts.

When they were opened in front of the family, my sister exclaimed, “I don’t know why you got them that. They’re not going to like it. I don’t know why you didn’t buy what I told you to buy. Now I have to spend my time returning them.”

She then directed the nephews to put the gifts aside so she could return them. She also stated that she didn’t know why it took so long for me to get their gifts to them when I could have easily mailed them.

To say that I was humiliated and embarrassed is an understatement, though I said nothing. What type of response, if any, is appropriate in such a situation? I don’t want to cause an irreparable rift in the family.

GENTLE READER: While you are correct not to take out on your nephews the appalling behavior of their mother, clearly you are not going to impress upon her what it means to give a present. “My intention was to please them,” is all that you need say.

After that, Miss Manners suggests that you quickly develop a separate relationship with your nephews so that you can have direct communication with them about their (reasonable) likes and dislikes in the future -- without your sister acting as go-between. This may well have the added bonus of driving your sister crazy.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are there any social processes or general rules of conduct specific to guests who are hired to perform? I ask this because I am unsure about the line between a professional artist in preparation for a show and an amiable guest who’s also an artist.

GENTLE READER: There are -- beginning with the rule that guests are not hired to perform.

An artist engaged to perform is there in a professional capacity, and is presumably being paid, though charitable organizations on occasion profess confusion on this nicety. Participating in other aspects of the event may or may not be part of the arrangement, and most artists prefer not to be treated as the hired help even if they are.

Guests who might gather everyone around the piano are in an even more awkward position. They are allowed to refuse when asked to donate their services after a heavy meal and two or three drinks, a fact of which Miss Manners wishes hosts would take more notice. The guest who commandeers an audience without being asked has only himself to blame for whatever happens.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If an individual sends a text message on a topic that could be considered controversial, and a recipient is hurt upon reading it, does the author owe the recipient an apology? Mind you, the author did not intend to hurt the recipient. It was the recipient’s interpretation of what was written that caused the hurt.

GENTLE READER: This sounds to Miss Manners like a group email -- possibly on a political or social topic -- gone wrong.

If so, none of the following will excuse you from responsibility: “It was an email, I didn’t say it to your face”; “I sent it to a lot of people and was not thinking about you specifically”; or, “I didn’t write it -- I was just forwarding what someone else wrote.”

Even if you can clear these hurdles, the recipient was offended. If you wish to retain the recipient as a friend, try to understand what was considered offensive -- and apologize.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone has visited and they leave to go home, is it appropriate for the visitor to call and say that they arrived home OK? Or does the host call the visitor to ask how their journey home was?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette generally says goodnight at the door -- in this case, the host’s door.

Other arrangements may be made if there is concern about the return trip -- airports were known to be backed up, or the guest took a cab because of having had such a good time as to be in no condition to drive.

Miss Manners notes that as a practical matter, it is up to the guest to initiate the call in these cases, as the host would not know the arrival time. If the guest cannot be trusted to make the call, then more drastic measures than a cab may be needed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)