DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have friends (a couple) who bring their dog with them everywhere, including to my house for dinner. On a few occasions, one half of the couple has “shared” some of the appetizers with their “best friend”; the second time around, I commented.

The remark was met with a chilly response. I feel that they can do as they please in their own house with their own food, but at my house, it’s out of line and rude. They also let the dog out for potty breaks, which I’m left to clean up the following day.

Am I being defensive? It is, after all, my home, and I am paying out-of-pocket to entertain. We do have fun, but the hound wasn’t invited to dinner; they were.

GENTLE READER: Invoke the children-at-weddings rule: “Yours are so well-behaved, but then everyone would want to bring theirs, and I am afraid that we are not equipped to accommodate dogs.”

Note that Miss Manners says nothing about the particulars of the dog’s behavior, the modifying of which is a losing battle. Much like the rule with children, better to make a blanket statement about their attendance and leave the specifics of how they are reared to their minders.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have wonderful in-laws who visit from out of state several times a year. Each time they stay at least a week and insist on doing all the cooking and cleaning. They insist that I stay out of the kitchen so that I can rest and enjoy time with the kids. (Both my husband and I work full-time.)

While this is greatly appreciated, the problem arises when they leave. For weeks afterward, I struggle to locate dishes, silverware and other cookware. Sometimes I only discover a particular piece has been put in the wrong place when I am in immediate need of it (for example, needing to quickly drain a pot of pasta only to discover my colander is not where it is supposed to be). And all goodwill I have from their visit disappears when I am elbow-deep in hot, soggy pasta.

When they are here, I do slip into the kitchen as often as I can, but they insist on doing the dishes and putting everything away. How can I let them know politely that while I truly appreciate their efforts, I do not want them to put anything away?

GENTLE READER: How about striking a deal? They cook, you clean. Or vice versa, and you can sneak in some cleaning as you go.

You could even involve -- or invoke -- the children, saying, “At least let the children help out. We are trying to teach them responsibility, just as you have done so beautifully with your son. If we all do it together, then we will have more time to enjoy the visit with you as well.”

But if this method fails, Miss Manners recommends you give in to the soggy pasta. Surely its inconvenience is far better than a riff with your in-laws.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one tell a fellow golfer, politely, to quit talking while others are preparing to hit?

My friend and I belong to a league and we have one member who is quite garrulous. Literally from the first tee box to the last green, it is a nonstop stream of rambling -- even to the point of being able to hear her from the other side of the fairway.

She has no problems taking others to task, though. One member took a call on her cellphone. The call lasted less than two minutes, and it was during the time we were walking to our balls. She, of course, complained to the league president that that was unacceptable.

Should we be unlucky enough to be placed in a foursome with her again, how should we handle her never-ending chatter?

GENTLE READER: With politeness, naturally. Pay scrupulous, and undivided, attention to your garrulous golfer, and if she asks why you are not hitting the ball, explain that you are busy listening to her story. While Miss Manners realizes this will require an initial sacrifice of time when you could be golfing, your chatterer should eventually get the point.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love Chinese food, but have never been able to master eating it with chopsticks. Whereas others seem to do it with great ease, I fumble and futz and finally resort to using a fork and spoon to get through the meal.

When I go out to eat at Chinese restaurants, others in my group will choose to eat with chopsticks, always offering to give me a lesson in their use, telling me that children master them with ease, or worse, making me feel gauche and inappropriate when I simply ask for other utensils.

I was not raised in Chinese culture and am not eating in China, so why am I being pressured to use chopsticks? My table companions always seem to shame me for not using chopsticks, which I consider rude. Aren’t they appearing somewhat affected by demonstrating a skill that is not part of their background or culture, just for the sake of eating a meal?

GENTLE READER: In addition to being familiar with chopsticks, the aforementioned children are, no doubt, aware of the concept of “time out” for misbehavior. Miss Manners mentions it because she is about to send everyone there.

Not being in China, you are under no obligation to use chopsticks, and it is rude of your friends to notice you are not -- much less to discuss or criticize it. But their own familiarity with, and willingness to use, chopsticks is equally innocent.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the maid of honor in an upcoming wedding. I was recently laid off for four months without receiving unemployment pay. I got a job last month, but the salary is significantly less than what I made previously. I’m single and am having trouble making ends meet while playing catch-up on my bills.

To cut down on costs, I tried borrowing a formal dress for the wedding, because the bride only specified a color, not a particular style. Unfortunately, the shade did not exactly match her daughter’s dress, so I now need to buy one.

Thankfully, she didn’t want a shower as it’s her second wedding, but she has asked for a bachelorette party. I’m the only adult in the wedding, so I’ll be footing the bill for that. I plan to give her cash or a gift card for her gift.

I haven’t been to or been in a wedding in over 10 years. I certainly don’t want to upset her by not giving enough, but what is an appropriate amount to give?

GENTLE READER: Being the maid of honor means that you are the bride’s best friend. Would she really want to cause you hardship, even over such trivial matters as the shade of your and her daughter’s dress?

Miss Manners can only hope that this lady is unaware of your difficulties, perhaps supposing that your new job solved them. The graceful way to tell her would be to confide that you are no longer able to assume the costs that you would have liked to, and to offer to step down as her maid of honor.

If she has a sense of friendship and honor, she will insist that that is not why she chose you, that she will not hear of your stepping back, that the dress is fine, and that she will arrange to cut back on activities.

If she, instead, accepts, consider that it would have been a mistake anyway for you to be maid of honor, as you are not such good friends, after all.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I tasted a delicious dessert while traveling, and when I returned home, I tried replicating it. I finally perfected it and now like to make it for special occasions, prepare it for fundraisers, and give it as a gift to friends and family at Christmas.

My problem is that other women have asked for the recipe. It isn’t just that I spent the time and effort to come up with it, but since I socialize in a small community, I don’t want everyone to have it. If I give it to an insistent acquaintance, she is friends with my friends and will no doubt serve it to them.

How do I politely decline to share my secret recipe?

GENTLE READER: Coyly. The secretive chef is a stock character with which others are familiar, and you only have to learn to play the part pleasantly.

“Sorry,” Miss Manners suggests saying, “but that’s my secret lure. I’d hate to have you able to make it for yourself, because then you’d not be as eager to come to see me.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)