DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a buffet dinner line where the food is disappearing faster than the people in line waiting to fill their plates, does one (within reason, of course) take the final bits of a food item in hopes the restaurant will replenish it quickly?

This seems rude to others still in line. It seems to scream in inconsiderate tones, “Sorry, none for you, as I took the last one.”

I’m bringing this up is because I attended a birthday party at a very nice, established restaurant in a private banquet room, where the dinner was buffet style. I was not at the beginning of the line but rather about three-quarters to the end.

By the time it was my turn, the food supply was running very low. There were obviously many guests yet behind me and I had no idea whether or not the host had arranged for the restaurant to bring out more food when the trays were running low. Asking the server seemed like it was not my place, and neither did asking the host to score more food, as maybe they had not included it in part of the overall pricing of the event.

Looking at empty food trays while there was still a line in back of me made me very uncomfortable. I simply quietly commented to the person in line behind me that I had had a late lunch and was not particularly hungry (which was not true), then just placed a couple leaves of lettuce on my plate and returned to my seat. Help!!!!! What are guests supposed to do?

GENTLE READER: Asking the server -- whose job is precisely to help guests with the meal -- is perfectly proper. If reinforcements are en route, you will then have to decide between waiting and helping yourself.

Miss Manners warns you that the latter choice may annoy the next person in line, whose dinner is delayed and without the comfort of your presence. Should you instead learn that the food supply is at an end, your choice will be between a light supper and extra birthday cake.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in a long-distance relationship with my fiance. If I’m lucky, I get to speak to him once a day on the telephone. He has the annoying habit of calling me and then, if one of his friends calls during our conversation, he’ll abruptly say he’ll call me back to take the other phone call.

I find this habit extremely rude, and many times I won’t even answer when he calls back an hour later to talk to me. I believe that since I was speaking to him first, he should send the other caller a text saying that he is on the phone and will return their call shortly.

I could understand if it’s a relative calling from long distance, or an important phone call he’s been waiting for, but usually it’s a friend calling to chat. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That if your fiance’s behavior annoys you -- and the interruptions you describe would certainly annoy Miss Manners -- you will need to discuss it with him, not merely leave hints like not answering his return calls. It will save time after the marriage, and perhaps you can discover before the ceremony why the hints have been so far unavailing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I find ourselves in the challenging position of being caregivers to elderly parents -- on both his side of the family and mine, and in different locations.

Of course, we are glad to be able to repay some of the kindness that our parents showed us when we were dependent on them. We are indeed grateful that we still have our loved ones in our lives and mentally alert, though physically disabled.

However, their growing needs have necessitated that we change some of our habits and priorities for the time being. As a result, invitations to social events and requests for help with long-term volunteer commitments must often be declined.

We are not angry at anyone. We just need to be free to respond to elder needs as they come up. People are becoming upset with us, though, and refusing to accept our polite “no, thank you” without detailed explanations.

When we do give in and briefly explain why our schedule does not allow us to make these commitments, we are sharply scolded. We are told that we should be so grateful to have our parents with us, and that the questioner only wishes he or she had our problems.

I am not complaining. I am not resentful. It is a private matter, and I did not want to talk about it at all! Watching loved ones’ health fail and seeing them become needy and depressed is sad enough without facing multiple lectures on what a terrible person I am as I try to do the right thing. Is there a pleasant way to shut down this automatic response to our personal issues?

GENTLE READER: No doubt your would-be hosts make the argument that you have to think of yourselves. Miss Manners can understand how grating it must be for people to urge you to be selfish instead of respecting you for admirably doing the right thing.

So please forgive her for making a minor point that might seem similar.

Of course you must decline making commitments to do volunteer work now. When you say that you do not have the time available, you are under no obligation to explain why.

But there should be a way to work in some social activity on your terms. If your parents are lucky enough to have friends in their lives, you will understand how important that is. As annoying as the friends you mention seem to be, surely there are some you want to keep.

So while you may not be able to accept invitations, you could issue some, if only to meet for coffee, just to keep in touch. Your parents and in-laws might enjoy meeting them, if it is feasible to introduce them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was out with friends last night and a lovely man was being very sociable and buying drinks past my capacity. Today I feel very unwell, and I’m wondering what my obligation is to drink a drink that I didn’t ask for or consent to, but is already paid for.

GENTLE READER: Do you have any idea how horrified Miss Manners is at the notion that politeness requires you to down an unwanted drink because it has been paid for? She is beside herself thinking of all the trouble you could get into that way.

Please memorize this sentence: “It’s very kind of you, but no, thanks.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepfather’s grandson’s wedding is black-tie optional, and my stepfather’s children are renting him a tux. My mom, who is 90, thought she would wear a nice pants outfit with a dressy jacket, and is resistant to buying something new. She has been through a lot this year (treatment for lymphoma, cancer surgery, and she recently fell and broke her pelvis, so she is in a lot of pain).

I and my three sisters (my mom’s only children) live on the opposite coast, but we are now being pressured by the mother of the groom (my stepfather’s daughter) and my stepfather to see that she is outfitted appropriately -- not just for the wedding, but also for the rehearsal dinner (cocktail attire) and the wedding breakfast to be held the day after the wedding.

They have also expressed concerns about the shoes my mother prefers (very safe, comfortable, but not at all dressy). My sister even heard my stepfather tell her that if she doesn’t get something new to wear, she can stay home and not attend the wedding or other events.

My mother doesn’t stand up for herself, unfortunately. Two of us will be traveling to see her soon, and plan to take her shopping. My sister is even purchasing a few things for my mom that she will bring with her, in the hopes that maybe something will fit and work for this event.

Personally, I think it is extremely superficial of them to dictate what she wears (especially since the wedding is six months from now!). If it were me, I would just be thrilled they are both well enough to attend, regardless of how they are dressed.

Is my mother wrong to resist the request to buy something more formal? Or should the step-family back off?

GENTLE READER: What happened to the “optional” part?

While Miss Manners always advocates dressing properly for the occasion -- and generally abhors “optional,” as it just invites chaos -- the particulars of your mother’s dress seem to be unduly fixated upon here. There is certainly a lot of undue angst being put into this poor woman’s wardrobe that seemingly requires three separate outfits and uncomfortable, possibly dangerous, shoes.

If your mother can reasonably be jollied into the shopping expedition or accepts one of your sister’s choices for one new outfit, fine. But if not, please talk to your stepfather about “backing off.” Surely this cannot really be worth all of this fuss.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend from college is in my city visiting, and he’s posting a constant stream of pictures of the trip. I’m hurt that he didn’t contact me to meet up. We lived together for a number of years post-college.

Should I reach out and say, “I see you’re in town, so let’s meet up”?

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, Miss Manners finds that in this age of social media being a replacement for actual social contact, this may have been your friend’s way of telling you he was in town. And if it was not, your treating it as such assumes the best and gives him a graceful way to apologize and correct the oversight. Infinitely preferable -- on both sides -- to “why didn’t you call me?!”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)