DEAR MISS MANNERS: My stepfather’s grandson’s wedding is black-tie optional, and my stepfather’s children are renting him a tux. My mom, who is 90, thought she would wear a nice pants outfit with a dressy jacket, and is resistant to buying something new. She has been through a lot this year (treatment for lymphoma, cancer surgery, and she recently fell and broke her pelvis, so she is in a lot of pain).

I and my three sisters (my mom’s only children) live on the opposite coast, but we are now being pressured by the mother of the groom (my stepfather’s daughter) and my stepfather to see that she is outfitted appropriately -- not just for the wedding, but also for the rehearsal dinner (cocktail attire) and the wedding breakfast to be held the day after the wedding.

They have also expressed concerns about the shoes my mother prefers (very safe, comfortable, but not at all dressy). My sister even heard my stepfather tell her that if she doesn’t get something new to wear, she can stay home and not attend the wedding or other events.

My mother doesn’t stand up for herself, unfortunately. Two of us will be traveling to see her soon, and plan to take her shopping. My sister is even purchasing a few things for my mom that she will bring with her, in the hopes that maybe something will fit and work for this event.

Personally, I think it is extremely superficial of them to dictate what she wears (especially since the wedding is six months from now!). If it were me, I would just be thrilled they are both well enough to attend, regardless of how they are dressed.

Is my mother wrong to resist the request to buy something more formal? Or should the step-family back off?

GENTLE READER: What happened to the “optional” part?

While Miss Manners always advocates dressing properly for the occasion -- and generally abhors “optional,” as it just invites chaos -- the particulars of your mother’s dress seem to be unduly fixated upon here. There is certainly a lot of undue angst being put into this poor woman’s wardrobe that seemingly requires three separate outfits and uncomfortable, possibly dangerous, shoes.

If your mother can reasonably be jollied into the shopping expedition or accepts one of your sister’s choices for one new outfit, fine. But if not, please talk to your stepfather about “backing off.” Surely this cannot really be worth all of this fuss.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend from college is in my city visiting, and he’s posting a constant stream of pictures of the trip. I’m hurt that he didn’t contact me to meet up. We lived together for a number of years post-college.

Should I reach out and say, “I see you’re in town, so let’s meet up”?

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, Miss Manners finds that in this age of social media being a replacement for actual social contact, this may have been your friend’s way of telling you he was in town. And if it was not, your treating it as such assumes the best and gives him a graceful way to apologize and correct the oversight. Infinitely preferable -- on both sides -- to “why didn’t you call me?!”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are both doctors (myself an M.D., he a Ph.D.). Often when we receive wedding invitations, the RSVP card has a line that starts with “M” and then a blank, presumably to write your name, followed by the space to accept or decline.

I never know what to do. It seems wrong to write “Mr. and Mrs.” especially if the invitations were addressed to “Drs.,” but nor do I want to seem pretentious writing “Drs.” over it. I truly panic every time this happens! Help!

GENTLE READER: It is always interesting to see what makes other people squeamish. As an M.D., you are no doubt familiar with the phenomenon. Miss Manners herself has no qualms about crossing out a stray letter in the interest of correcting a careless form.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My new home happens to have a perfect spot for bonfires in the backyard. I mentioned to an acquaintance that I’m eager to host a summertime barbecue and bonfire, and indicated that guests would be welcome to bring their families. I assumed that roasting marshmallows around a bonfire would be fun for the children, and would save the parents the trouble of finding child care.

This particular acquaintance has two young daughters, ages 3 and 4. She responded by commenting that I would, of course, childproof my home in preparation for the event, and asked exactly how I would keep the children from the fire: Was I planning on a fence, or would there be supervision?

Actually, aside from the obvious, like ensuring that bleach and knives were out of the reach of the little ones, I hadn’t really planned on any childproofing, and have to admit that I had the expectation that any parents bringing children would take responsibility for watching them.

She does bring up a valid point: I have invited guests to bring their children, and therefore, it follows that I have an obligation to accommodate these young guests. On the other hand, I’m not running a day care.

I’ve clearly indicated the nature of the event to my guests, and believe that they may judge for themselves whether the event is appropriate or not for their young ones. It’s not unreasonable for me to expect them to assume that my childless home will not be fully childproofed, is it?

GENTLE READER: Your assumption is not unreasonable, although Miss Manners suspects your acquaintance would disagree. Unless childproofing appeals to you as a design aesthetic for your new home, your problem is not how to dispose of every conceivably dangerous temptation to small hands, but how to dispose of an already-invited guest.

The solution is to gently confirm her fears by agreeing that perhaps she is right that this is not a good event for children since there are so many things that you will not be able to childproof completely. It would be rude to rescind an invitation, once given, but your apologetic concern for her children can only be appreciated.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Ma’am, will you state an opinion about the public-address announcements that we all encounter? Is it as much of an aggravation to you as it is to me?

I hear so many nearly unintelligible loudspeaker announcements. No one has taught the speakers to account for echo.

They should speak in short bursts, one sentence at a time, pausing a single beat before they say the next. Think of a circus announcer, pausing before phrases -- not speaking 200 words without a pause. There is a time lag between their lips and our ears, and the echo must have a moment to fade before they continue. They can still speak rapid-fire, just break up the sentences.

I hear well-meaning people, maybe in an airport, maybe in a grocery store, enthusiastically doing their announcements speaking 170 words per minute. I wonder why it seems no one trains these people to speak in short phrases. Why is it not in every training manual?

Since I have never seen it addressed, I wonder if I am the only person whom it aggravates and who considers it to be downright rude.

GENTLE READER: Not everything unfortunate is rude. Miss Manners cannot be responsible for mere professional incompetence.

So this is not a topic she should address.

However, she has sat in enough airline lounges and subway cars, subjected to just that sort of incomprehensible babble, to overcome her resistance. So yes, she shares your annoyance. Whether it is the speakers who need more training, or the system that needs to be upgraded, something should be done to inform us poor folk of the next stop and the gate change.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law sent out a social media invite for a surprise party for my brother’s birthday. The problem is, she invited his twin to the party, but only made the party for her husband, not both twins.

The other twin immediately felt bad and left out, as it is, of course, both of their special days. I am not sure how to express these feelings to my sister-in-law without hurting her feelings.

GENTLE READER: Why should anyone have hurt feelings in this situation? Miss Manners sees it as a priceless opportunity for the omitted twin to become the star of the party. She can practically write his toast for him:

“I believe I am the person here who has known Dwayne the longest. I remember when we first met. The circumstances were strange -- it was a bit dark and crowded -- but I immediately recognized that we had so much in common. Plus I just liked the look of him. ‘Now there’s a face you can trust,’ I remember thinking ...”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there both a maid of honor and a matron of honor in a wedding?

GENTLE READER: A wedding? Whose wedding?

That of a bride who has two close friends, one married and one single -- yes. Miss Manners should remind others that a wedding is not a show with roles to be cast, but a ritual with honors to be distributed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)