DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a crafter, and have invested in a high-end embroidery/quilting machine which, over the years, I have used to make many gifts for friends and family. I was so looking forward to making a special, personalized gift for the bridal shower of a good friend and neighbor’s daughter.

When I received the shower invitation, I was disappointed to read that the party will be a “gift card shower.” Attendees are requested to get gift cards from the couple’s favorite stores (several were listed) or, if a gift is given, it should be mailed directly to the couple’s home (about 2,000 miles away).

Never mind the money-grabbing aspect of this request; I feel somewhat cheated. After spending time, money and effort on a more personalized, thoughtful gift, I like to see the recipient’s reaction. I should note that this shower is going to be at an exclusive (read: expensive) location.

I am still considering my options. I could just get the gift card and be done with it, or make the personalized gift and mail it. Or, I could make the personalized gift, bring it to the shower to be opened there, then let them figure out how to get it home.

None of these options are very satisfying to me. Would you have any input to this situation?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Save your present for the wedding and skip the shower.

Unless you are wildly eager to go -- or know that you won’t be invited to the main event -- it seems likely that no matter what you do, the reaction you receive will not be the one you seek. Yes, showers generally include the opening of silly, nominal gifts, but since your present is neither, Miss Manners is afraid that you will have to give up the notion of witnessing the couple open it in person.

See if you can make arrangements to deliver -- or have your friend deliver -- the personalized craft to the bride in person as a wedding present. And then decide if the expensive shower is still worth attending.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate action to take when one receives a text message that obviously was meant to go to someone else? I’ve always deleted them as soon as I realize they’re not for me, but I’ve been told recently I should be replying with a “wrong number” message.

I must admit that part of the reason I simply delete them is that I don’t text often enough to warrant an unlimited-text plan, and would prefer not to use my limited messages for three or four rounds of “No, really, you’ve got the wrong number.” If replying is the correct action, is a single reply sufficient?

GENTLE READER: Yes. It is kind to let the stranger know that the message was not received by the correct person. But doing it more than once -- particularly at one’s own expense -- is certainly not necessary. And neither, Miss Manners warns, are graphic emojis for emphasis.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am primarily a classical musician, but I dabble in other styles of music, as well. In my 10 years of playing professionally, I’ve noticed it becoming more common for musicians to bring bottles of water onstage with them during a concert. This is especially true of nonclassical concerts, but I occasionally see it in classical settings, as well.

Whenever I see this, I am reminded of my late former teacher, whom one might have described as old-fashioned, complaining about seeing a jazz concert in which the performers had bottles of water onstage with them. He felt it disrupted the performance.

On the other hand, I have many times felt that as a wind instrumentalist, my performance would benefit from being able to drink water as needed during a concert. Please solve the dilemma, Miss Manners. Which is more important: ambiance, or hydrated performers?

GENTLE READER: Deceptively neutral as your question is, Miss Manners is quite aware that any suggestion on her part that aesthetics are relevant to art would be met with accusations either that she is indifferent to the health of performers or that she is putting visual appearance before musical quality.

It would do her no good to point out that performers, like other mortals, are subject to fads, or that their track record, where medical matters are concerned, is not impressive. Witness the sleeping, not to mention pharmaceutical, habits of some well-known musicians -- or the many opera singers who used to advertise cigarettes.

As the question really is more one of aesthetics than etiquette, Miss Manners leaves it up to the individual performer to determine the appropriate trade-off between actions that make performance easier and those that may put off sensitive audience members.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have reached a stage in life where I know an increasing number of dead people. Or more accurately, a growing number of people I knew when they were alive have died recently.

I know you wear black to a funeral. But I find these days that many bereaved families prefer to hold small, formal, private funerals, followed some time later by a “celebration of life” that is somewhat more festive. I went to one recently at a beach club loved by the deceased. Another coming up is in a backyard with a taco truck.

What to wear? I wore a black dress with a colorful floral print to the beach club event, and my sister -- who wore all black -- scolded me, saying it was “too loud.” Maybe it was, but now I’m confused.

GENTLE READER: Well, it is a confusing event. You are being asked to mourn cheerfully and highly informally.

Indeed, it would be strange to show up behind that taco truck wearing a black hat. (You mean you don’t wear hats to traditional funerals held in houses of worship? Miss Manners does.)

Your costume seems a fitting compromise between mourning and celebrating; the etiquette error here is to critique other people’s choices, correct or otherwise.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: With the advent of so many ways to communicate, I am sometimes at a loss to know how to avoid misunderstandings and missed messages attributable to using the wrong medium.

Some of my friends and acquaintances prefer telephones to email, while others prefer text messages. Some prefer landlines to mobile phones, etc., ad infinitum.

Is there a rule, or at least an expectation, that one should reply to a message in the same medium in which it was proffered?

GENTLE READER: It is getting so that one has to keep dossiers on one’s friends: what do they refuse to eat, what forms of address (honorifics, surnames) do they find insulting, and now, what forms of communication do they refuse to use.

So yes, it would help to notice the means in which messages are sent, and to respond in kind. Miss Manners realizes that acceding to that preference deprives the flexible person of choice. But, then, those who will not speak by telephone and those who do not communicate by keyboard are not going to have a future together, anyway.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to bring my girlfriend to a first-time family reunion?

GENTLE READER: Only if you will find it appropriate for every single member of your family to ask her when you are getting married.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am lucky enough to be living in a coastal area with abundant seafood. Mussels are inexpensive and fun to cook with, plus they show up on the menu of several local restaurants.

But how does one eat mussels in the shell -- in, say, a soup or sauce-laden dish -- without making a mess of it?

GENTLE READER: Mussels are considerate little creatures, in that they provide you with a tool with which to enjoy them.

That is, Miss Manners has never seen one actually hand over a seafood fork, which is what you would use to pry them from their shells. But after that, they provide the spoon-shaped shell with which you can properly enjoy the sauce.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My granddaughter invited two cousins and their families to her wedding. Both of their responses were to return the RSVP with the “Regret” portion ticked. There was no other communication such as a note or phone call to explain why they could not attend. My granddaughter is an only child, and these cousins are two of her closest relatives.

Am I correct in assuming that they owed her some reason for not being at her wedding? As recipients of the invitation, should they send a wedding present?

GENTLE READER: No, they do not owe a reason, and they do not owe a present. What they owe, in all decency, is an expression of regret at not being able to attend, along with their good wishes.

But Miss Manners notices that the invitation itself invited that curt response by providing a place to decline with a mere check. Apparently it already expressed regret, which is an odd thing for the host to presuppose.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)