DEAR MISS MANNERS: A family hosts a banquet dinner for a large group of people on a certain athletic team. The host family provides drinks, appetizers, a couple of main courses and desserts for all.

Some guests bring food to share, but, for a variety of reasons, those dishes are barely tasted or left untouched altogether. The hostess wants to send that food back with the givers, but the host insists on keeping it.

His point is, “How would you feel if no one ate what you brought/prepared for the party? It would be so hurtful, almost insulting! As good hosts, we have to show gratefulness, praise the food others contributed, and keep it after the party, even though we’ll dispose of it all right away.”

Without offending anyone, the hostess simply wants to avoid wasting the food, and returning the offering with the giver seems reasonable to her. What would Miss Manners do, please?

GENTLE READER: As someone used to writing about herself in the third person, Miss Manners recognizes its stabilizing effect. But she is not convinced it will help you convince your husband of the error of his ways. She applauds you both for considering the feelings of your guests first. But as you have noticed, bringing a meal to the home of someone who went to some trouble to set an inviting table is not likely to be taken as a compliment. Graciously send the unsolicited food home with the guests who brought it -- before you find yourself washing their dishes and delivering back their food containers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a distant relative whom I have met only once, as children too young to remember the occurrence. Family is important to me, so as an adult, I began to write to her. She writes a few times a year, and sends the occasional photo of her grandchildren.

We seem to have little, if anything at all, in common, other than our common ancestor. I have made the effort to remember her “current events,” grandchildren’s ages and interests, etc., since these things are important to her.

However, she has not reciprocated. This has been the situation for nearly 10 years now. I have decided that I don’t wish to continue our correspondence, as it seems much like talking to a brick wall -- no response to my life events or follow-up conversation about hers.

What is the appropriate, and kindest, way to approach this? Shall I make a polite excuse about not wanting to stay in touch anymore, or is it perhaps better to simply stop, as one does in regard to exchanging holiday cards? I suspect she may feel as “relieved” to end our correspondence as I would be.

GENTLE READER: Breaking off future communications is a dramatic gesture usually reserved for people we want to shock into communicating more, or for pests who won’t stop communicating.

In neither case does it warm the hearer’s heart. Your relative, despite your efforts, remains merely distant. Miss Manners recommends a more neglectful approach.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I, like many others, am a person who prefers to keep her political opinions private. For this reason, I do not like to discuss politics in social situations.

Lately I’ve had quite a few encounters in which a person will say: “Not to get political ...” and then proceed to talk about politics. I will try to discreetly change the subject, but the person is often very determined to stay on the subject he or she brought up.

Normally I would end a political discussion by saying: “I’m sorry, but I really prefer not to discuss politics.” However, in this situation I feel uncomfortable doing that, as that seems to call out the person on his or her earlier assertion that he or she wasn’t going to talk about politics.

How do I politely let them know that I’m not comfortable with that topic of conversation?

GENTLE READER: “As you so wisely said, let’s not discuss politics.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My best friend continues to tell others (her family and friends) about all of our personal conversations, even when we have agreed not to. I have caught her repeating our personal conversations to others, and often her family and friends tell me what she has said to them.

I have asked many times nicely and also have shared my frustration/anger. She continues to share our business to others. She tells me often she will try and do better, and she is trying to work on not talking so much. Yet this still continues daily, and history continues to repeat itself.

What would Miss Manners tell me that I should say to my best friend?

GENTLE READER: She can tell you what NOT to say to your best friend: anything that you do not want spread around.

Miss Manners understands that part of best-friendship is supposed to be the ability to share confidences. But this always involves risk. A friend could be careless, or feel that it was all right to pass things on in supposed confidence. The friendship could end, and the friend might no longer feel bound to respect the agreement.

In this case, however, indiscretion is not a risk but a certainty. You should have learned by now that nothing works to stop your friend from gossiping about you. So your only protection is to stop giving her the material to do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am hosting a couple’s wedding shower. I asked for an RSVP and have received two responses that read simply, ”RSVP for the shower for Helen and Bob.” There is no indication of declining or accepting.

I assume it is an acceptance. Is this proper?

GENTLE READER: It’s meaningless. They have replied, which is something, but what have they replied?

Miss Manners puts this confusion down to our silly persistence in using a French abbreviation, when a lot of people seem not to have been paying attention in French class. RSVP means “please respond.”

Or maybe they failed to grasp the fact that although “s’il vous plait” translates literally as “if you please,” that only indicates politeness; it does not mean “only if you happen to feel like it.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My best friend and I usually talk three to four times a week or more, but she only ever calls me or answers the phone if she’s driving from work, driving on errands -- DRIVING anywhere, frankly -- or if she is walking her dog.

She never picks up the phone otherwise, especially after 6 p.m., unless she is outside driving somewhere. I text her that I called and it says that she read it, but she won’t call back.

I know everyone is busy, I know people have things to do, but I know (for sure) that all she does at home after 6 p.m. is watch TV and relax.

I don’t have a specific time limit when she calls me. If I’m at home, it doesn’t matter if it’s 11 p.m., I’ll pick up. It’s normal for people to talk if they are relaxing at home.

I feel stupid even feeling this way, but I just feel like it always has to be her way. I’m not sure if I should talk to her about it; I’m not good at confrontation. Am I dumb for thinking this isn’t fair or that it’s odd? Should I confront her about it? And if I confront her, what should I say?

GENTLE READER: With what, exactly, do you want to confront her? Confirmation that she does not find you relaxing?

Miss Manners feels certain that such a conversation would be far more discomforting than simply accepting the fact that your friend prefers certain times of day to talk on the telephone. If you object to her doing so while distracted with something else, then do not answer. Or ask if she can call you back at a better time. Or make arrangements to see her in person. Just probably not after 6 p.m.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I saved for a while to purchase what I thought was the perfect housewarming gift for my sister-in-law. She had mentioned very, very often before moving that she desperately needed water glasses. She had very few left and they were all different sizes and shapes.

My gift was a set of 12 tall water glasses. As soon as she received them, she called me and left a voicemail saying “Thanks, they’re beautiful, but I have no use for them.” She’d already bought some.

She suggested they be returned, by me, for store credit, or perhaps I should just keep them as I would also be moving soon. I suggested that she give them to my daughter, which she did. I was very hurt by her terse rejection of my gift... Am I being over-sensitive?

GENTLE READER: She probably thought she was doing you some kind of favor by letting you know that your efforts to please her had failed.

All that she had to do was to thank you and then return the glasses herself, or pass them on -- while making sure that you did not catch her doing so. Instead, she passed the additional burden to you, which Miss Manners agrees was rude.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)