DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taught to hold open doors for ladies, as well as allow ladies to enter and exit elevators before myself. But are there any guidelines for occasions when only gentlemen are present?

I have to admit to feeling a bit silly having a gentleman approach a door ahead of me, then open it and allow me to pass ahead of him. Also, I have been in situations where several gentlemen will all motion for the others to precede them into or out of an elevator, resulting in everyone looking at each other and waiting for someone to enter or leave first.

GENTLE READER: It is always polite to let someone else go first, but as Miss Manners realizes that after a certain point, comedy and irritation are unavoidable, she does have a few practical suggestions.

Do not repeat an offer to let someone else go first. Call this the Abbott and Costello Rule. This means that the last person to say “You first” is the last out.

Do not make the offer if acting on it is impractical -- if, for example, you are standing at the front of the elevator at the midpoint of the door with 15 men behind you in the car. Call this the Marx Brothers “Night at the Opera” Rule.

If you really feel the need, you can always turn around after you exit and put your hand on the door to hold it for the next person. Miss Manners never objects to politeness, but if properly handled, exiting an elevator can be accomplished before the alarm sounds and the door closes on some unlucky rider (the Buster Keaton Scenario).

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While on vacation, it seemed every restaurant we ate at would wrap silverware while we were at dinner. The clatter of the silverware interrupted our conversation and atmosphere.

We said something to the silverware attendant at one place, and she said she would increase the volume of the television. What would Miss Manners have done?

GENTLE READER: If the attendant was being literal-minded in attempting to address your complaint, then Miss Manners would not order the “catch of the day” for fear of what the cook may think the term means. If the attendant was being sarcastic, Miss Manners would respond literally, clarifying politely that you were hoping to be relocated to a quieter table.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughters-in-law host small parties, and extend invitations to me through my daughter, saying to her: “Tell your dad he’s invited.” The in-laws have my phone number and are known to send texts.

Is it too much to expect a phone call or even a simple text directly from the hosts for such invitations? Do such indirect invitations reflect an insincere wish for my attendance, perhaps just for the sake of maintaining appearances?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps. Or perhaps they thought of you while inviting their sister-in-law and knew she would be speaking with you soon.

It is not too much to expect a direct invitation, but Miss Manners stops short of accusing anyone of rudeness. You cannot gauge the intentions of your daughters-in-law because they are not talking to you directly. And Miss Manners can neither testify to their sincerity nor convey your curiosity, as she does not know the ladies in question.

Someone has to bridge the gap, and your daughter is already conveniently located in the middle. Ask her to explain to her sisters-in-law that while you would love to attend their parties, you don’t feel right accepting a secondhand invitation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a letter from a friend soliciting donations for a co-worker of hers whose stepmother had died. There was nothing in the letter indicating what the money was needed for, or if it would go to a charity -- only a reference to a funding website created by the family of the deceased. As far as I know, the family is not needy, and all the children are grown and supporting themselves.

I know families solicit donations for charity in memory of the deceased or to help out if the deceased had dependents, but I’ve never heard of a situation like this. Am I just clueless or is this a typical request?

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, many people now think of friendship as a pay-as-they-go proposition. Every step of life -- birth, birthdays, graduations, engagement, marriage and the birth cycle again -- seems to require a payment. Not a thoughtful, symbolic present chosen to please that specific person, mind you, but a simple payment.

And yes, Miss Manners regrets to say that many have added death as a fundraising opportunity. It began with the reasonable notion of avoiding a surfeit of flowers by suggesting a charitable donation to a cause connected with the deceased’s interests or illness. To this was added the kindness of collecting money in cases where the bereavement was a severe financial blow.

But now it seems to be turning into an automatic assumption that the bereaved need to be paid. Miss Manners would think that solvent people would be offended at the idea that money is some sort of compensation for a death.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Next month, I am hosting a graduation party for my stepdaughter. Her mother has felt the need to invite several of her friends to the party without asking me. When I asked my stepdaughter if she wanted them there, she said, “They might bring money.”

First, I am appalled at her attitude that a graduation party is a money grab and I told her you would be, too. Second, how do I approach her mother to say that if she wants to invite her friends, then she should throw a party and not expect me to foot the bill?

GENTLE READER: Yes, Miss Manners is as appalled as you that your stepdaughter regards her graduation party as an opportunity to shake down as many people as possible. But apparently you are not innocent, either, of calculating social obligations in terms of money.

Personally, Miss Manners believes that the guest lists of graduation parties should consist of graduates and their friends. But yours seems to be for adult friends of the parents, and you seem already to have included your stepdaughter’s mother, in which case she should be able to have her friends.

You could have asked her to be a hostess and, as such, to discuss with you what each of you is willing to spend on the party. If it is too late for that, your calculating the cost of what a reasonable number of the mother’s friends might eat is as grubby as your stepdaughter’s matching that against the amount of the take they might bring.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a restaurant with friends, and we were served by a waiter who spoke my native language. We had a quick conversational aside in our language, just a friendly exchange.

As a rule, I never have conversations in my native language in front of people who don’t understand it because it’s rude. But in this case, because of the way the conversation with the waiter came about, it just felt like a friendly gesture between two people who were surprised and happy to learn they had something in common. In doing this, was I rude to my friends?

GENTLE READER: No. If you were worried that they felt left out -- or thought they were missing out on international trade agreements -- you could have briefly translated afterwards or just given them the general idea. In the future, however, Miss Manners will not betray you if you choose to omit any “untranslatable” juicier bits.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A request for donations showed up on my social media feed, asking for money for a “friend’s” son to be able to go to Disneyland.

I think this type of request is highly inappropriate and somewhat annoying. I would understand if the child had some sort of serious illness and it was presented as a wish. However, the child in question is perfectly healthy and does not have any sort of disability.

What are your thoughts on this? Is it OK to ask random online acquaintances for donations to fund one’s vacation?

GENTLE READER: It is not even OK to ask for this from very close relatives. However, the distance of your relationship, and the fact that posting the request on social media has the added advantage of being impersonal, allows you simply to ignore it. Miss Manners only asks that you try not to take out your annoyance on the child, who may not have had anything to do with it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a social event at my children’s school, I was standing and talking with a parent I know, when another parent I have met before walked up, greeted the parent I was speaking with and continued talking with her without even acknowledging me. I felt very uncomfortable. This is not the first time this has happened. How does one handle a situation like this?

GENTLE READER: By politely intervening on your own behalf. At an appropriate pause in conversation, firmly stick out a hand and say, “I do believe we have already met, but I just wanted to reintroduce myself. There are so many people at these events, it is sometimes hard to keep track.”

Miss Manners suggests that you practice this sentence and gesture to make sure that it has the right amount of firmness -- without seeming petulant or punitive. She is sorry to say that it sounds as if you will have ample opportunity.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)