DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have lived in the same small town for over a decade. My daughter is active in sports, church and family activities. A rather awkward but sweet girl, the same age as my daughter, moved into our neighborhood, and in the summer, the girls would occasionally play together.

During the school year, my daughter has a booked social calendar. She had a party, and this new neighbor did not make the list. She is now texting my daughter asking her why she wasn't invited. I've told my daughter that is a text she should not respond to, but I wondered if you had better advice?

GENTLE READER: You say "did not make the list" as if it were a college acceptance letter over which neither of you had control.

If, as her parent, you were unable to convince your daughter that it would have been kind to include this girl -- particularly since she is a neighbor and therefore likely to notice -- perhaps you could encourage her at least to be gracious about the girl's quite understandable hurt feelings now.

While Miss Manners concedes that it was not proper for the girl to demand an answer as to why she was overlooked, ignoring her entirely seems unnecessarily cruel. Your daughter could simply say (or text back, if absolutely necessary), "I am so sorry, but these were old friends who wanted to catch up, and I didn't think you would find the party interesting. Perhaps we can plan to get together at another date." And then in the name of, if nothing else, neighborly relations, encourage her to do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother is throwing us a baby shower on her birthday. How should I acknowledge this? Or do I?

GENTLE READER: By saying "Happy birthday."

Miss Manners hopes and trusts that your mother picked this date out of a desire to do something enjoyable on it -- and not for any other (passive-aggressive) motives. If that is the case (and really, even if it is not), give a toast to thank your hostess -- and add that it is also her birthday. That way, your guests can give their well wishes, but will not have to feel bad for not bringing another present.

Miss Manners' own gift to both you and your mother is not to point out that relatives should not actually be throwing showers as -- much like giving your own birthday party -- it looks like fishing for presents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who will hand a gift back to me immediately after unwrapping it if she does not like it/has no use for it. She has implied I should get her something more to her liking/useful. She has done this to others. Am I wrong to be offended? I have tried to be considerate in selecting a gift, but obviously I am missing the mark. What's the proper response?

GENTLE READER: To stop giving her presents.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I invited longtime neighbors to an informal dinner party, called for 6:30 p.m. The evening progressed nicely until after 10 p.m., when my wife was washing dishes in the kitchen and the guests were all seated in the dining room.

Finally at 11 p.m., well after the table had been cleared, one of the guests decided to excuse himself for the evening, and the balance of the group decided to call it a night. Is there any protocol that you would suggest for politely ending such a gathering at a time convenient for the hosts?

GENTLE READER: Guests who do not take the hostess's washing the dishes as a blatant indication that she has had enough of their company are as unsubtle as she.

Moving guests away from the table after dinner -- for coffee in the living room -- should plant the idea that the evening is approaching its end by giving them a passing view of the exit. If not, it is an enjoyable progression in its own right.

It is also a good idea to ensure that one of the guests is a close friend who can be relied upon to stand up, stretch, and say what a lovely time it was, but it's late and time to go. Too many people are (unnecessarily) embarrassed to leave first. In extremis, Miss Manners has known hosts to plead an outside commitment -- accompanied by profuse apologies -- although this may require some creativity at 11 o'clock at night.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My significant other, "Sean," has a sister, "Jessica." Several years ago, she married a man with two grown daughters, who have become part of Sean's extended family.

One of the daughters, "Olivia," recently had a baby, to the delight of the entire family on both sides. Sean and I sent a gift for the baby shortly after she was born. Two months later, we received the following text message from Jessica: "Hi! So Olivia wanted me to let you know that she isn't going to get her thank-you cards out but loves your gift."

I am at a loss as to how to respond to that. I'm extremely disappointed that the gift acknowledgment and/or thank-you did not come directly from the gift recipient, or in this case, the baby's parents. I assume that Jessica considers this second-hand acknowledgment appropriate, as does Olivia. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Jessica may or may not agree with Olivia's behavior, although Miss Manners acknowledges that the casual nature of her acknowledgment hints that she does.

But it is equally possible that she has thanked you not because her stepdaughter asked her to, but because she is distraught that the stepdaughter did not do so herself. Olivia, not Jessica, is the guilty party, a fact that is easy to convey when you respond: "Thanks for letting me know. I was going to check that it was delivered because I was worried that I hadn't heard anything from Olivia."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it customary to put return postage on envelopes for RSVPs in invitations, or does one expect that the guest should pay for his or her own postage for the return? It seems that if I expect the invitee to send the card back, I should make it as convenient as possible.

GENTLE READER: Maybe you should also enclose a pre-inked stamp offering the choice of yes or no (or thumbs up or thumbs down, if that's easier on the eyes), and a tiny vial of water so your guests would not be put to the trouble of licking the envelope.

Miss Manners roundly condemns people who are so rude as to fail to respond to invitations. But she finds it exasperating when the injured hosts ascribe excuses and pathetic when they think of how to placate them.

The response card itself was invented as one such pathetic attempt. As if initiating a response were an unreasonably onerous task, compared to, say, the job of planning for the pleasure and refreshment of others.

Surely you do not think that people of good will simply ignore those who are offering to entertain them because of the difficulty in finding or affixing a stamp. And anyone who thinks of bringing up the cost might consider the value received from the host.

What errant guests actually admit is that they don't respond because they don't know if they will feel like going when the time comes. Then they will just show up or not. An equally rude variation on this is to accept the invitation but not consider it binding.

So making it easier is not likely to help. It is those guests who make it harder on the host, who must keep prompting to get answers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is getting married in September and has chosen not to have a traditional rehearsal dinner. His father and I are going to pay for his wedding dinner and brunch the morning after. We also want to invite our out-of-towners and bridal party for cocktails and appetizers the night before the wedding.

The restaurant is happy to accommodate us for dinner. But I don't know how to create an invitation that invites our friends and family to join us after the cocktail hour and to have dinner on their own. Do you have some great copy on how to do this delicately, along with a response card so that I can get a count for the restaurant?

I want this to be a celebration for the bride and groom and not worry about the additional costs associated with the dinner.

GENTLE READER: This is a situation that could work out easily, when your guests see that you are staying on to dinner, and might naturally ask to join you. Or they might just make their own reservations.

Miss Manners understands that you are doing a lot in connection with this wedding, and has no complaint about your ending your hospitality that evening with the cocktail party, while still being available for further conviviality for whoever chooses to hang around. She would only like to disabuse you of the notion that you can act as hosts while delegating that worry about the cost to people you call guests.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)