DEAR MISS MANNERS: How would one interpret an invitation that states, "This is an adult-oriented event. Chaperoned children are welcome"?

GENTLE READER: "We really don't want children at the party, but if you bring them anyway, they'd better not be loud or break anything."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a birthday party for a 2-year-old. On the invitation was where the parents had the child registered for gifts.

I was under the impression that you register for a bridal shower or first baby shower. I thought this was quite rude to ask for gifts. I was not brought up this way. Am I wrong or were they?

GENTLE READER: All right, everyone, that's quite enough. Miss Manners is tired of being tactful about this. Stop it! (Not you, dear; she means the parents of this 2-year-old and anyone else who is contemplating the same.)

Registries are never proper, not for weddings, not for baby showers and not for birthdays. Not for christenings, bar mitzvahs, quinceaneras, sweet sixteens, graduations, engagements, coming out, announcing gender, changing gender, getting a job, losing a job, buying a house, divorcing, retiring or dying.

It is simply never polite to ask someone to buy you a present. Everyone is just going to have to go through life's milestones without the explicit intention of reaping material rewards.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a wedding invitation from a girl I was close friends with in junior high. My issue is that I'm transgender, and they know this, but they addressed the invitation to my former name.

For this wedding, you are supposed to RSVP online. I don't want to be rude by not responding, but I simply cannot select my old name on their website, not only in terms of the emotional cost, but in principle as well because I have come too far to take that step backward.

We live in a small town, so we occasionally run into each other or family members, but it's been years since we've been close, so I don't have her contact information anymore to reach out in person and let her know I won't be able to attend.

Should I just forget about it, or try to contact her through a family member? I won't feel too guilty, since she was the one impolite enough to use a name that doesn't belong to me anymore, but still, I'd rather take the high road. I just don't know which way that is.

GENTLE READER: Do try to procure her contact information. Write her a short, kind note saying that you appreciate the invitation, but that you are unable to attend. And sign your current name.

While your friend may be aware of the change and should have respected it, it is possible that she also just did not know how to reconcile your new life with the friend she knew in junior high. Or that she had an old list. Anyone who changes a name, or even just tries to drop a childhood nickname, finds that it takes time.

So give her the benefit of the doubt and, as you said, take the high road. While it may be tedious to presume misguided, rather than purposeful, ignorance, it will likely do much more to educate this girl and her family than not. Miss Manners feels certain that if the girl cannot figure out from whom the note came, she will quickly take pains to do so -- and likely not make the mistake of using the wrong name again.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: More and more frequently, I see that when I am in line at the grocery store or anywhere waiting my turn to be checked out, other customers break in to get the clerk's attention for themselves by asking questions or even inquiring about the clerk's health.

They invade my space by crowding in to talk to the clerk while he/she is attending to me. Not only customers, but other employees want to talk to the clerk. Is there anything civil I can say that might cause these people to back off and wait their turn?

GENTLE READER: Before putting those people back in line, Miss Manners asks that you consider the context. There is no excuse for jumping ahead of 12 politely queued people. But some limited understanding can be extended to the shopper who finds that there are no salespeople elsewhere in the store, and signage or previously issued directions are incomplete or incorrect.

In other words, someone without reasonable recourse and with a question so simple that it can be answered by the clerk pointing -- without slowing down the line. In such cases, a pained smile and a glance at your watch is sufficient.

It is the clerk's duty to deal with the customer who jumps in line to give a lengthy, angry review of the fallibility of the electronic device he wishes to return. You may prompt with a polite, "Excuse me, but I've been waiting patiently in line for 20 minutes." A clerk who is incapable of handling this all-too-common occurrence should not be surprised to be reported to his or her superior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband's sister is in her mid-30s and just moved back in with her parents. We were wondering if social protocol dictates whether we have to invite her to things that we'd normally only invite his parents to?

GENTLE READER: Without knowing what special family circumstances would make your sister-in-law unwelcome at events to which your in-laws are invited, she will observe that it is a kindness, though not strictly necessary, to invite any houseguest when inviting the homeowners.

This lessens with the length of the guest's stay, but increases with the closeness of the guest-homeowner relationship. The host who is unwilling or unable to invite someone else's houseguest is requested not to take umbrage if those invited are unable to attend because of duties to their houseguest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable, when leaving a dinner party, to take some of the food if the host offers?

GENTLE READER: Yes, provided the offer is spontaneous and not requested. However, Miss Manners realizes that if you do so, you will be back with a question of when and in what condition to return the containers.

Cleaning whatever you put the food in for the ride home is your responsibility, whether that involves a dishwasher or a dry cleaner. Returning any containers will depend on who brought them to the party and whether they are durable enough to have withstood being cleaned.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am at a loss to come up with a polite reply to a rather common observation. Friends and acquaintances who have not seen me in a while seem to feel compelled to tell me that "Your hair is long."

As I have, indeed, been growing my hair out for a few years now, I am quite aware that it is longer than it used to be.

Their failure to add even a modest compliment to this rather pointed observation leads me to suspect that they do not like my new hairstyle. I am loath to say something to the effect of, "Yes, do you like it?" because, frankly, I do not want their opinion (it is hard enough for me to decide on personal grooming matters; I do not need input from everyone I know), and in any case they seem to have already made their true opinion known by their rather loud silence.

Reminding them of their mothers' admonition ("If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all ...") seems a bit much. I notice that gentlemen who shave, or add, facial hair are often subjected to the same insensitive observations. Any thoughts on how best to respond?

GENTLE READER: In assuming that such comments indicate disapproval, you fail to allow for the propensity people have for stating the obvious. It is common, as well as idiotic, for people to be constantly informing others that they are tall or short or red-headed.

Miss Manners would allow you to reply in the same spirit by validating their observations. The response to "Your hair is long" should be, "Yes, it is." If you want to be chummy, you could add, "I grew it."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to drink out of your cereal bowl?

GENTLE READER: Not Miss Manners' bowl, she trusts. It would certainly upset her breakfast.

But are there others it might upset? Anybody else at the breakfast table? That person hiding behind a newspaper or tablet counts, as there could still be a peek. You would be safer drinking that last bit when you take the bowl into the kitchen.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As I'm sure you know, traditionally the bride's family comes up with the cost of the wedding. But now that marriage has become so diversified, who holds that responsibility? Grooms to grooms, brides to brides -- and has this changed the tradition as far as straight marriage goes?

GENTLE READER: That custom was causing trouble long before gay weddings became legal. It referred to a time when brides were married from under their parents' guardianship, and the wedding expense was offset by the expectation that all subsequent living expenses would be paid by the bridegrooms.

Miss Manners need hardly point out how silly it is to apply this automatically to brides who are out on their own and self-sufficient. Weddings are family occasions, and families should talk them over and decide, without pressuring one another, what each element feels it can comfortably contribute. Only then should the plans be made so that they are affordable.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)