DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a shared living room/dining space, and a separate breakfast table off my kitchen. However, my formal dining table is always set, but rarely used.

I was always taught to never seat yourselves at a formal set table if the meal is not being served there. Every Christmas, I elaborately decorate this table with fancy china, glassware and fragile decorations, only to have guests pull out a chair and put down their libations, keys, etc.

Is it proper for guests to sit there?

GENTLE READER: Are you under the impression that it is proper to set your table and then sneer at your guests for not realizing that you don't consider them important enough to sit there? What on earth is this display supposed to be for?

Now why they feel it necessary to put their keys on the table is another question. Miss Manners supposes that your inhospitable attitude is sufficiently apparent that they want to be able to make a quick getaway. Merry Christmas.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am attending an alumni event for a debate society that has a dress code requiring men to at least wear a suit and tie of some sort. My wife and a fellow alumni friend say I will be overdressed in a tuxedo.

I say this is a formal anniversary alumni meeting, and while a tuxedo is not required, it is not overdressed. When is wearing a tuxedo a breach of etiquette in a setting where suits are the norm?

GENTLE READER: Violating the dress code is a breach of etiquette, whether you do so with royal robes, pajamas or something in between. If anything, Miss Manners considers overdressing worse than underdressing, as the latter may have the excuse of not having the proper clothes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every Christmas I get cards that are decorated with glitter from some of my friends. The amount ranges from a little to a lot, but whatever the amount, some of it always gets on the table where I open the cards, on objects on the table, on my clothing, on the carpet, and of course on my hands. I try to clean it up as well as I can, but weeks later I still find little bits of glitter here and there in my apartment.

It annoys me so much that I wish it were discouraged by a rule of etiquette and generally thought to be inconsiderate to send someone a card covered with glitter.

I know that's wishful thinking, and I can imagine people exclaiming, "Nobody's going to tell me what kind of cards I can send," but maybe they can be gently encouraged to consider the effects on the recipients of cards with glitter when they're making their choices in the card shop.

GENTLE READER: Yes, it is annoying, but not to the point where Miss Manners accepts your pugilistic hypothetical attitude on the part of the sender ("Nobody is going to tell ME ..."). Rather she imagines their thinking, "Oh. I thought it was pretty."

So while she is happy to pass on your complaint, she is resigned to associating the season with extra duty for the vacuum cleaner.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a single mother of two wonderful daughters. As I go to school full time and work full time at a "just until I get through school" job, money is exceptionally tight.

When purchasing food at the grocery store, my thoughts are always, "How many meals can I get out of this?" Usually I purchase food that I can prepare relatively cheaply with enough to have leftovers and meals to take to work or for my daughters' school lunches. Things like potato chips and cookies are for "filler days" when we take sandwiches to work/school.

My daughters know this and are very judicial when they snack. They might only have a handful of chips or one cookie, when they might actually want half the bag of chips or five or six cookies, because they know it goes for our lunches for the week.

The problem that I'm having is when my kids have friends over to spend the night. I make a dinner, and they'll take large portions, but not finish them. I watch them throw food away and think, "That could have been my lunch for Monday." Or they will ask for a snack and take large portions, much more than necessary. Sometimes a whole package of cookies is eaten in a night, and we're stuck for the rest of the week without sweets.

We have bottled water to take with our lunches, and I constantly find the friends will want a bottle of water, drink half of it, and then throw it away, or worse, drink only half a bottle, leave it somewhere and get another. As my daughters and I always refill the bottles, not only are they wasting the water, they are wasting a bottle I might have refilled two or three times at work.

How do I address this behavior with my daughters' friends? Am I going beyond my limits as an adult to stop a child from taking larger portions of food if I know they won't eat it all? How do I address another person's child when I ask them to only eat one cookie or tell them they can only have one bottle of water?

I don't want to be the "food police," but every time I see my daughters' friends wasting food, I can't help but feel a little upset. I know that they probably don't know they're doing it, and many of their parents make much more money than I do, so I'm not sure it's my place to correct their behavior.

GENTLE READER: Dole out the portions for your young guests, telling them that they are welcome to seconds if they finish. Put cookies in bowls and water in glasses instead of leaving out packages.

Miss Manners is pleased to say that this solution not only solves your problem -- but is also correct (and has the added bonus of quieting naysayers who are opposed to the extra step of dirtying dishes). Food and drink packaging should never be seen outside of the kitchen.

Now you have a practical reason to overcome your very legitimate fear of being inhospitable to guests and offensive to their parents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to get up from the dinner table and ask for the check at a restaurant?

GENTLE READER: If it is for the purpose of paying for guests who might otherwise have felt responsible for doing so, Miss Manners imagines you will be forgiven.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was eating a meal in a local mom-and-pop restaurant when I noticed a man feeding a baby from a bottle. Also at the table were three older boys and a woman, who I took to be the man's older sons and wife.

It was obvious to me, as a nurse and a mother, that the man did not know how to properly burp the baby. None of the other people at the table said anything to him about this. I wanted to go up to the table and explain how you properly burp a baby but I did not, for fear of rejection.

Should I have done so? Can you please tell me what kinds of words I should have used to politely approach this issue in order to ensure the man's and family's cooperation?

GENTLE READER: Since the answer to your first question is "no," Miss Manners will excuse herself from finding a polite approach for committing a rude act.

When someone is in genuine danger, a stranger can --indeed, should -- intervene. But this liberty does not extend to correcting routine parental ineptitude. The man's three older sons provide direct evidence that his burping technique, even if flawed, is not fatal.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had the privilege of having one of my creative works (over which I labored for nearly a year) performed by a local theater troupe. Many of my friends attended, and most of them readily offered their compliments and congratulations after the performance.

My best friend, however, who was in attendance, has yet to offer any compliments whatsoever, despite the fact we have seen each other a number of times since the performance.

Though she is neither a theater critic nor a potential producer, she is certainly entitled to her own private opinion. However, I was under the impression that friends are supposed to be congratulatory regarding such occasions regardless of the perceived quality of the performance, and I am quite hurt by her lack of response.

Is there indeed a rule of etiquette that covers such situations, and am I right to be aggrieved?

GENTLE READER: Your friend should certainly have said something, even if, as you suspect, she did not enjoy the work and is therefore flummoxed about how to avoid hurting your feelings.

The solution, as Miss Manners has said on many occasions, was not to blurt out the truth. She does not understand people who think that saying, "Thank you so much for inviting me. I enjoyed the evening immensely," will forever damage their sterling reputations -- while maintaining that hurting the feelings of a beloved friend is perfectly acceptable.

What can you do now? She is your best friend. If you are interested in genuine criticism, you could say so and, if your guess about what has happened so far is correct, you could trust that the criticism will be well-intended and delivered so as not to hurt your feelings. If you are instead looking for compliments, however insincere, Miss Manners warns you that you will only encounter embarrassment or worse.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)