DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was eating a meal in a local mom-and-pop restaurant when I noticed a man feeding a baby from a bottle. Also at the table were three older boys and a woman, who I took to be the man's older sons and wife.

It was obvious to me, as a nurse and a mother, that the man did not know how to properly burp the baby. None of the other people at the table said anything to him about this. I wanted to go up to the table and explain how you properly burp a baby but I did not, for fear of rejection.

Should I have done so? Can you please tell me what kinds of words I should have used to politely approach this issue in order to ensure the man's and family's cooperation?

GENTLE READER: Since the answer to your first question is "no," Miss Manners will excuse herself from finding a polite approach for committing a rude act.

When someone is in genuine danger, a stranger can --indeed, should -- intervene. But this liberty does not extend to correcting routine parental ineptitude. The man's three older sons provide direct evidence that his burping technique, even if flawed, is not fatal.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had the privilege of having one of my creative works (over which I labored for nearly a year) performed by a local theater troupe. Many of my friends attended, and most of them readily offered their compliments and congratulations after the performance.

My best friend, however, who was in attendance, has yet to offer any compliments whatsoever, despite the fact we have seen each other a number of times since the performance.

Though she is neither a theater critic nor a potential producer, she is certainly entitled to her own private opinion. However, I was under the impression that friends are supposed to be congratulatory regarding such occasions regardless of the perceived quality of the performance, and I am quite hurt by her lack of response.

Is there indeed a rule of etiquette that covers such situations, and am I right to be aggrieved?

GENTLE READER: Your friend should certainly have said something, even if, as you suspect, she did not enjoy the work and is therefore flummoxed about how to avoid hurting your feelings.

The solution, as Miss Manners has said on many occasions, was not to blurt out the truth. She does not understand people who think that saying, "Thank you so much for inviting me. I enjoyed the evening immensely," will forever damage their sterling reputations -- while maintaining that hurting the feelings of a beloved friend is perfectly acceptable.

What can you do now? She is your best friend. If you are interested in genuine criticism, you could say so and, if your guess about what has happened so far is correct, you could trust that the criticism will be well-intended and delivered so as not to hurt your feelings. If you are instead looking for compliments, however insincere, Miss Manners warns you that you will only encounter embarrassment or worse.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to attend a Christmas party from an old college friend. He sent it via social media and I accepted via social media. Also attending the party will be a few other old friends I hardly ever see. I had been looking forward to it.

About a month ago, I received the following message, also via social media, from an old acquaintance who is closer to the host and the other guests than I am:

"Hey I'm wondering if you could not go to Joe's party so that I can attend. I kind of dislike you that much.

"Much appreciated (signature)"

I am still planning to attend. I am wondering what the appropriate response to this message would be, and by what medium I should send my response.

GENTLE READER: None. At least not to a person so crude and cruel as to be impervious to decent behavior. It would only provoke further rudeness.

But social media is useful in this case, as you can forward that message to your host, saying that you would indeed like to attend the party, and asking what he would prefer you to do in light of the other guest's attitude.

Miss Manners hopes that person would understand that this is a rare instance in which a dis-invitation is permissible: "I am sorry to learn that the presence of another guest means that you would not enjoy attending my party. Perhaps I will see you another time."

Should the host fail to do that, you will know of two people to avoid. Merry Christmas.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I attended three funerals (unrelated to each other), I sent each family a sympathy card with a handwritten note immediately upon hearing of the death.

However, I noticed a basket at each funeral for people to place cards. Because I had sent cards at the time of death, a month before the services, should I have also brought a card to the funerals? It didn't even occur to me. I'm not sure what the proper protocol is.

GENTLE READER: Well, it shouldn't be collecting a basket of cards as if they were valentines in an elementary school class. Sympathy is properly conveyed as you have already done, and presence at a funeral is noted in a guest book for attendees to sign.

Miss Manners presumes the bringing of cards is being done by people who are unaware of funeral etiquette, or who want to save postage.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How is a combination of cake and ice cream to be served? On a dessert plate or in a bowl? How is it eaten? Fork or spoon? Is it ever proper to eat from a plate with a spoon?

GENTLE READER: Have you ever tried to eat ice cream with a fork?

You needn't. Contrary to what many people believe, Miss Manners assures you that etiquette is not out to trick you. When dessert is both textured and runny or gooey, both a spoon and a fork should be available.

It would also be too much of a challenge to have to eat cake from a bowl. The ice cream is properly placed on top of the cake, so that any melting will be absorbed before getting to the plate.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is your stance on people who bring treats to work on their birthdays? Is it an attention-getting mechanism or a nice gesture?

I have done this once in the past, but I felt like everyone was wishing me happy birthday only because I brought in food. I'm not sure if I should bring in food again this year or not. (For the record, people regularly bring in food to share just as a nice gesture.)

GENTLE READER: This feels like a riddle. How would they have known that it was your birthday had you not brought in food? And because sometimes your colleagues bring in food when it's not their birthdays, does that mean people wouldn't assume it was your birthday since you brought in food?

Miss Manners has lost track of the problem. Is it, perhaps, that you want people to remember your birthday without being prompted? Or that you do not want to appear as if you are prompting them?

She suspects the latter. But as long as your treats are not accompanied by a self-congratulatory parade with a bullhorn, she permits you to continue enjoying your birthday however you wish -- and accepting the well wishes of your colleagues at face value.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My pet peeve is that when I am dining at a restaurant, the waiter begins clearing the table before everyone is finished eating. This also occurs at friends' homes and even at my own home.

We have dinner guests about two times a month. What should I say when one or more of my guests gets up and begins to clear the dishes while I am not even half finished with my dinner? Surely the guest is trying help, and I do not want to embarrass or admonish a guest. "Please be seated until everyone is finished with their dinner" just does not sound right. Do you have a solution?

GENTLE READER: Always. To waitstaff and in your own home, you may politely speak up on your own or a companion's behalf: "Oh dear, I (or friend) wasn't quite finished yet. I am afraid you are too quick for us."

And for guests trying to help at your home, you may add, "Please sit down and let us enjoy your company. I can clear the table when everyone is finished."

Unfortunately, Miss Manners must caution you against saying the same at other people's dinner tables. Then it is up to the host. Their priorities in terms of getting their guests up and out might be less hospitable than yours.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Having been raised in western Europe, I still have not quite adjusted to the informality I sometimes encounter when dealing with total strangers. How do I respond when a circa 30- to 40-year-old plumber, electrician or window cleaner addresses me -- an almost 70-year-old widow -- by my first name, or even calls me "Honey" or "Hon" without taking the risk that they will spread the word that rhymes with "hitch" in the community when I complain about them?

GENTLE READER: "That's Mrs. Hitch to you, sir."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)