DEAR MISS MANNERS: As Thanksgiving approaches, I am at a loss to respond to my stepson (married with three children), who views an invitation to dinner as an opening for negotiations.

For example, we have invited his family for dinner (with other guests) at 6 p.m. In response, he asks: "Who will be there? What are we having? We don't like to sit down to dinner -- we find sitting in a dining room too confining. We might be late because we are visiting (his wife's) family in the afternoon. Make sure the meal is ready at 6 sharp," etc.

My preferred response would be, "We are having Thanksgiving dinner at 6 p.m., so if you can't attend, we understand."

However, in an effort to keep the peace, I have, over the last few years, served his family Thanksgiving brunch/lunch, then prepared and served the planned dinner; prepared and served two Christmas meals at the time and manner demanded: "not in the dining room," "not before noon," "no turkey," "We won't be there on Thursday, but will come on Friday," etc.

I was taught that it was not polite to ask the menu (absent some real medical issue), but simply to accept or decline with regret the invitation as presented.

I would like to avoid the "second seating" option. Is there any good way to respond and stop the negotiations?

GENTLE READER: Remember the children's table? That was once a staple of holiday parties, to separate civilized diners from not-yet-civilized diners. It seems to Miss Manners that your stepson meets the latter qualification.

She understands that for family reasons you do not want to use the legitimate option of saying that you understand that they will not attend. But you can meet the unwarranted demands while still holding the meal you had planned for others.

If the times coincide, you can hold your meal in the dining room while providing room and turkey-free plates elsewhere, in acknowledgment of their not wanting to sit down. If they arrive at a different time or a different day -- well, everyone knows how good holiday leftovers are.

And as you will graciously point out, you will be doing this to comply with your stepson's stated wishes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As I was addressing our gift card and package to an out-of-state relative of my husband's, I noticed an extra card in the wedding invitation with hotel options, day-of logistics, etc.

At the bottom of this card was the strangest statement and something I have never seen on a wedding invitation. It said, "In Lue (sic) of Thank You Notes, we are making donations to (two very reputable charitable organizations)."

I just don't understand. How am I to know if they received and liked our gift? This seems very odd to me.

GENTLE READER: The oddest part is that these people believe that they will appear to be generous while exhibiting a stunning lack of respect for your generosity. And Miss Manners bets that they expect the charities to acknowledge their donations, with the documentation necessary for them to get tax credit.

Have you sent that package? If not, you might want to write them that you appreciate their interest in those charities, and therefore are donating to them in lieu (maybe they will learn to spell that) of sending a wedding present.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a single father. My daughter is adopted, so I knew what I was getting into.

Way back in the beginning of this journey, her godmother warned me that because I am single, there would be many, mostly women, who would insist on giving me parenting advice. For the most part I have followed her suggestion to ignore them.

This last summer, some teachers at her program cornered me to advise what type of swimming suit she should be wearing. We had painfully shopped for her suit and settled on one that would offer the most convenience and modesty. These women felt that she should be wearing a one-piece instead of the three-piece we chose.

When I offered that the three-piece, basically a bikini type with a full cover-up allowing only a small portion of skin on her back to show, was chosen because it was easier for her to use the restroom, etc., I was told that a one-piece was more appropriate.

Miss Manners, I was stunned, appalled and then infuriated, because this suit is perfectly modest and actually covers more than a one-piece would cover. I ended the confrontation with "Thank you, I will take it on advisement."

What should I have done? And should I send her swimming next time with the suit, or am I obliged to purchase another because they "offered" their advice? The suit meets pool regulations, it is modest, and Grandma approved.

GENTLE READER: There are two issues at play here: the unwarranted advice of smug parents who think that they know better and have better taste than you -- or any single father -- and the wardrobe regulations of teachers stating what is recommended (or required) at their facilities.

Miss Manners fears that the directive given on this occasion falls somewhere between the two. Nevertheless, as these teachers seem to have something to do with the pool that your daughter attended, it might behoove you to follow their advice, impractical and unwelcome as it may be, and save the three-piece for other outings. But you are justified in politely ignoring unsolicited advice from those who do not have your daughter directly in their care.

As a side note, Miss Manners commends you on "knowing what you were getting into" when you adopted your daughter. She knows hardly any other parent, adoptive or not, who can claim the same.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A woman at church continues to approach me about a beauty/health product she sells. I feel very uncomfortable when I see her coming to "greet" me because I know where the greeting will lead. She insists that I give her a date for her to share her product(s) ... because "it will make your skin appear as it did when you were much younger."

I told her that I'm satisfied with my current products, but she insists that her products are much better. How can I make this woman leave me alone? I've seen her cornering other folks at church too!

GENTLE READER: "I am so sorry, but I am here to attend church and socialize, not to engage in business transactions, however wonderful your products may be." And see if the church will display a "No Soliciting" sign -- which Miss Manners recommends that you stand conveniently near.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When an eyewitness is interviewed on television or radio news accounts, invariably the news anchor will finish the conversation with a "Thank you."

I realize that the appropriate response should be "You're welcome," but when the story is tragic in nature, that seem inappropriate somehow, almost undercutting the seriousness of the situation.

Usually the witness (or field reporter) mumbles something inarticulate or simply nods his head. In other languages, saying "At your service" works well, but in English it comes off as far too formal. A few try "Of course," but that seems almost rude.

Is there some better way of responding, something that doesn't jar, that recognizes the anchor's thanks without trivializing the incident?

GENTLE READER: Even so-called guests on the air --experts there to give their analyses or opinions -- find this awkward, because one wants to give the usual response to "Thank you." Yet their "Thank you for having me" wouldn't do at all under the circumstances you describe.

Witnesses to tragedy are more like temporary news correspondents, although they could hardly adopt the response of "Now back to you." They can be said to be doing their duty to report what they know, and Miss Manners sees nothing rude about their responding with "Of course" or "Certainly," or even a simple serious nod.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Granted, I have a large collection of friends, acquaintances and admirers. Therefore, I am often invited to dinner parties, gallery openings, etc.

I enjoy being social. And I really enjoy being alone and reading -- my favorite pastime.

Often, when I refuse an invitation, the inviter will ask what I will be doing instead. Well, this Thanksgiving I have been invited to three homes, but I am interested in staying home and making a meal for myself. As a single person, I have been going to people's homes for holiday meals for decades; it is no longer interesting.

Upon being told that I was not coming to their home for Thanksgiving, all three were highly insulted that I wanted to be alone rather than with them. In other words, why would one want to be alone when we are here to be enjoyed? Should I have lied?

GENTLE READER: No, but you needn't have explained that you prefer no company to theirs. Are you surprised that they were insulted?

Of course, would-be hosts have no business probing for your plans, which is not only rude but also dangerous. Still, they were trying to be hospitable, and they are, as you say, your friends, acquaintances and admirers.

Miss Manners recommends your saying, "You are so kind to think of me, but I have my own little holiday rituals. Let's get together another time." And she would hope they would leave it at that and not make you respond coyly to further questioning with, "Well, if I told you, they wouldn't be private."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would it be impolite to bring a favorite condiment to a dinner gathering, knowing that the hosts do not have that particular one?

GENTLE READER: Only if you want to make it clear that you consider their offerings to be lacking taste.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)