DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sent out an electronic invitation for a casual dinner party. To my horror, Evite the invitation site added a link (it was an advertisement attached to the invitation) to be clicked, saying "Send a gift immediately."

I can understand (although not approve of) gift information for something like a child's birthday party, but I am mortified that my guests thought I was panhandling for gifts. I had to send out a second email saying "No gifts, please."

Is there something more I should do to make amends for this?

GENTLE READER: The website you used has put you in an embarrassing position, but fortunately you owe the company no loyalty. Your situation would be trickier if your brother's girlfriend had somehow added to an invitation of yours without your knowledge.

Miss Manners suggests an email to your guests expressing your surprise and dismay at the company's greedy link and explicitly disowning its action. She would also have you share your frustration with the company itself, explaining that it embarrassed you. Whether you want to reciprocate the embarrassment by exposing it on social media is up to you.

Although Miss Manners has little hope that an internet company will opt for good manners over profit, perhaps it could provide the host with a optional "request loot" checkbox, thus permitting clients a choice of whether or not to be rude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I make a great many handmade gifts -- some simple, small items, some grand gestures to commemorate graduations, weddings and other special occasions.

My problem is when years later, 15 to 20 years even, people say something along the lines of, "Oh, I love the little embroidery bag you made me. I still get wonderful compliments on it, and many people have asked me about it."

About 75 percent of the time, I have no memory of what I made them or why. I usually respond with a smile, a thank you, and something such as, "I am so happy you enjoy it."

It is true that I am happy to have brought joy into someone's life. Most people are fine with that, but others probe a bit further, and it's quite evident that I have no memory of what I made them.

I feel bad about this, but they are often offended if I tell them I am sorry I don't remember the item clearly. Is there a better response? I feel as if I'm violating some rule of etiquette that says I need to remember every gift I've ever given.

GENTLE READER: It seems ungrateful for a gift recipient to be annoyed that the sender does not remember the gift 20 years later. What is important is, as you say, that the recipient enjoyed it.

It is also, Miss Manners notes, unfair, since the recipient has the gift in hand as an aide memoire. The person who does not accept your apology graciously is the one being rude, but in the interest of harmony, you could say, charmingly, that perhaps your memory is not what it once was. And indeed, you should endeavor to forget these entire encounters.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm looking for the right thing to say in signing a card to a man I do love; however, I don't want to write the word "love."

I've come up with "your loving friend," but I need some other ways to express admiration without sending "I love you" or "With admiration and love ..."

What would you say? I don't want to push him away, but would love to express myself lovingly without actually saying it. Does this make sense?

GENTLE READER: It doesn't have to. It's love. Hesitant love, but love.

But Miss Manners supposes that the gentleman might try to make sense of it, in which case "Your loving friend" might be interpreted as the current, rather chilling use of "friend" in a possibly romantic situation, meaning, "I'd rather just be friends."

How about "Affectionately yours" or "Fondly yours"? Now that the "yours" is improperly so often dropped from "Sincerely" and "Very truly" (for those who have not yet succumbed to a mere "Best"), it might seem promising.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine whom I have grown distant from has invited me and three other friends to a members-only club for a dinner next month. I would feel very out of place at this type of establishment and have no interest in going. This friend has a new relationship with a wealthy fellow, and her lifestyle has changed since we first met.

The three other friends who are invited are excited to go to a private club. It took many attempts to pick a date for the four of us to meet. How do I back out graciously?

GENTLE READER: A bit snobbish, are we?

Miss Manners is not referring to your friend. That lady may have changed her dining venue, but she has invited her old friends to come along. It is you who feel that where you eat is more important than with whom.

All right, you can merely thank her and decline the invitation on the grounds that you find you cannot make that date after all, no specific reason necessary. But unless the club has a policy of discrimination justifying a boycott, this strikes Miss Manners as snobbish.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I like to host dinner parties, and before I plan the menu, I always ask guests if there are any foods they cannot eat.

However, now my partner has started to ask our guests for their suggestions as to what we should cook.

I always thought it was up to the host to decide what foods to cook and what wines to provide. I am very uncomfortable with suggestions from guests.

GENTLE READER: As well you should be. Your partner is abdicating the position of host to become an unpaid restaurateur.

Miss Manners understands that it is now necessary to inquire if prospective guests have any food restrictions. And she suspects that the extension of this beyond medical, religious and ethical concerns, to where people feel free to declare their mere tastes, could easily drive a cook crazy.

But even letting them place orders will not solve the problem. Wish your partner luck in getting all the guests to agree.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A young friend who is getting married this fall made an unusual request of me: to officiate at his wedding. I'm not a minister, but he is likely thinking of more like an MC.

I'm extremely flattered. I believe that besides his uncles and father, I'm his only friend of my age. All his other friends are more his age.

My wife says she doesn't approve of such things as being married by unofficial people. She says it demeans the ceremony. But these people are not religious.

What does Miss Manners think?

GENTLE READER: That your wife's objections are understandable, but misplaced.

No doubt your wife's true argument is over you and your friend thinking of a wedding officiant as an MC -- and therefore the ceremony as a sort of roast, rather than a dignified ritual.

Unfortunately, however, a minister is as capable of providing amateurish theatrics as a true amateur. Provided that you keep the ceremony dignified, Miss Manners has no objection to your presiding over it, with whatever authority may be provided to you on the internet.

If you feel that you cannot, then perhaps it is time to call in the professionals, as long as they are likewise vetted.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a Southerner who has an accent that goes along with my upbringing. I often come across people who grew up either "up North" or in areas far from the South who often will call attention to my accent.

Sometimes they seem charmed by it, but more often than not, the person in question seems to be making fun of it, and their comments are phrased in a way that is actually more of a put-down.

No one I know from the South would ever think of calling out someone with a Northern accent (considered rude), so I don't understand this.

Can you please recommend a clever way to respond to these patronizing comments?

GENTLE READER: "Oh, thank you" (regardless of the intended nature of the comment); "I'm rather proud of my accent and heritage. Now tell me about your accent and heritage."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a live theater performance last night, when I heard the voice of a young child asking questions during the show. This seems to be the norm these days, and as it costs a fair bit to attend one of these events, I am at a loss as to what to do.

I decided to turn around to see who was talking (though I said nothing and gave no dirty looks), and then it subsided a bit, but this doesn't always work.

I always hope to hear the adult tell the child that they'll answer questions at the intermission, but I never do. What would you do, Miss Manners?

GENTLE READER: The same as you, no doubt. Until intermission.

Then she might say to the child, "I wondered about some of your questions myself. Maybe the second half will provide some answers. Shall we watch and see? I know you'll have lots to talk about on the way home." This may be accompanied by a conspiratorial look to the parent that can pleasantly signify the subtext: "So be quiet and see."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)