DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a postcard announcing the upcoming birth of a baby, four months into the future. The card was similar to a "save the date" for a wedding.

Having never received one of these cards, I'm unsure how I'm to respond or if I need to. Am I to send more than congratulations? Am I to send a gift? Is this the newest trend in "save the date" cards?

GENTLE READER: Let us hope not. What exactly would you be saving the date to do? Congratulate the parents, and then listen to them burst into tears because the time was up and nothing had yet happened?

It strikes Miss Manners that these prospective parents are amazingly ignorant of the ways of babies. They are in for a shock when they discover that babies have their own agendas.

And even if they have scheduled an inducement, it would hardly be the day they would want to field calls and texts. Despite the ridiculous card, the tactful thing for you to do would be nothing whatever until you receive a birth announcement.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother just canceled his wedding less than three weeks prior to the event.

As we begin to discuss dealing with the aftermath, I wonder what the proper way of notifying guests would be. Does this type of thing necessitate a phone call or would emails suffice?

How much information does one divulge? If, as I suspect, this type of thing requires a phone call, can a family member help make said calls? How does one best respond to the inevitable question of "Why?"

GENTLE READER: There is a formal, third-person form for such an announcement ("Mr. and Mrs. Parents/announce that the marriage of their daughter/Olivia Zoe/to Mr. Humphrey Joshua Whittleby/will not take place"), but three weeks is a short time for people to cancel their travel plans and stop fussing about what to wear.

So yes, in this case the family should use instant devices to get in immediate touch with those invited to the wedding. Whether that would be by telephone or by email should depend on how you can be sure of reaching them, considering that some people no longer answer calls and others are not in the habit of checking email.

The explanation for all should be the same: that the couple canceled the wedding by mutual consent.

Miss Manners realizes that this will satisfy nobody, but it should be the only statement repeated to those who keep asking. There will be enough gossip about the situation without the family's adding to it, and your brother will have to decide how much he wants to explain to whom.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am wondering if it is polite to have a birthday dinner where the guests don't know each other. My friend had a dinner party of 10 guests where the guests didn't know each other.

GENTLE READER: Didn't they, by the end of the evening?

One of the pleasures of hospitality is putting together new combinations of people who might enjoy one another's company. Of course, Miss Manners is presuming that they have something in common: that they all know the host.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a small movie theater, at the end of the show, the couple sitting two seats away from me asked if I had enjoyed the movie.

I smiled and said very much so, and they proceeded to tell me in front of others that I had completely ruined it for them because of my noisy popcorn chewing, and they hadn't been able to hear a thing. I apologized and said they should have told me sooner.

I was horribly mortified and upset, and when I ran into them in the lobby on the way out, I explained that I am the sole caregiver for my disabled husband and am able to get to a movie twice a year at best, and if it was any consolation for them, they had also now completely ruined the experience for me.

I again said they should have said something sooner and walked away before giving them a chance to reply.

Is there any way this could have been handled better by either party? I also don't believe I chew popcorn any louder than anyone else and have certainly never been told so before.

GENTLE READER: Well, Miss Manners is not in a position to weigh in on that. She does agree, however, that if the offending noises were such that the couple could not enjoy the movie, they should have said something at the onset. Something such as, "Excuse me, the popcorn seems to be unusually crunchy, and our seats are so close together. I wonder if you would mind chewing a little more quietly."

Miss Manners cannot guarantee that you would have been any less taken aback by the request, but at least it would have been made politely.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a friend's wedding reception, bottles of wine were placed on guests' tables for consumption during dinner. The reception was a simple and elegant affair that concluded shortly after dinner.

My husband and I were seated with two other couples, including a good friend and her husband. Upon leaving, my friend's husband took several bottles of unopened wine from other tables, hiding them under his jacket.

I told him, in front of the others at our table, that I didn't believe that the wine was intended for "take-home" and that he should put them back. He shrugged and ignored me.

I admit that I was rude, but how else should I have handled this? Looked the other way when someone was stealing? Regretfully, this all got back to the bride, who told me to let it go, and that if he was that desperate for a few bottles of wine, so be it. I feel as though I have caused unnecessary strife. What to do now?

GENTLE READER: Apparently you resisted crying out "Stop, thief!" and sounded as if you were merely calling attention to a misunderstanding on his part. So Miss Manners does not think you need to apologize.

But now, having made your point, you would do best to, as the bride and every child under 10 says, "Let it go."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have moved into a new-to-us home that has a hot tub. Upon receiving an invite to come visit, people comment they will bring their bathing suits for the hot tub.

The hot tub is known of only by looking at the realty listing pictures online. I have replied that we were not planning on using the spa that day.

Should I just continue to repeat this with every person who offers to use our spa? We are not interested in using the tub with others. I imagine that people with swimming pools have a similar issue. Am I handling this politely?

GENTLE READER: Your explanation is polite, but may not be effective. It should be easy enough to answer that, "We're so sorry, but it's not usable today."

Miss Manners realizes that people who feel entitled to make themselves at home in your house may not accept this truthful answer, in which case she authorizes you to add, "We're planning to do some work on it." Pool owners will have more difficulty explaining why a clearly functioning pool is unavailable, and are therefore counseled to invest in a pool cover.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband's administrative assistant gave us a beautiful basket full of homemade jellies, jams and cookies. I have saved the jars as we've finished each one. I have no use for these and hate to waste them.

Would it be rude to ask her if she wants them back? Some of them are quite nice, with wooden spoons attached. I assume she does this every year and would appreciate not having to buy new jars, but this is the first year we've known her, and I'm not sure.

I'm worried it would look like we're refusing part of the gift, or that we're expecting her to do it again next year. Should I just donate them to a thrift store instead?

GENTLE READER: Volunteering to return part of a gift does imply the unpleasant possibilities that you suggest. It may even result in unwanted assignments, such as suggestions about how you should be using the jars.

But as Miss Manners trusts that you intend to thank your husband's assistant, there are ways to approach the question. "Thank you so much for the sweets. The jars were so attractive. Do you have to keep replenishing your supply?" You must then wait for an opening such as, "Yes. That's the hardest part because I have to buy hundreds of new jars, and they come from Nova Scotia and can only be purchased in person."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother just lost his baby (stillborn), so should he celebrate Father's Day?

GENTLE READER: Celebrate? As in "Happy Father's Day -- oh, oops"?

Miss Manners can hardly think of anything worse than drawing attention to an occasion that he can associate only with tragedy. But as the society will be plastered with reminders, she would consider it a good day to offer your brother and his family some tactful distraction.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)