DEAR MISS MANNERS: While I think I enjoy myself as much as anyone, I'm a low-key person who doesn't demonstrate that with, say, gales of laughter or table-dancing. I also seem to have one of those faces that look "serious" by default, even when I'm in a perfectly good mood.

So I suspect this is why I've now been to several parties where the host has approached me to ask, "Are you having fun?"

Since this always takes me by surprise, it's all I can do to slap a cheerful expression on my face and blurt, "Yes! Great party!" -- a little guiltily, as if I've been caught committing the social faux pas of not expressing enough joy and must quickly cover it up.

Does etiquette approve of this question? Part of me thinks it's just the host being hospitable by making sure the guests are comfortable and happy. But the other part feels like I've been confronted by the Sociability Police and shamed into being more jovial on pain of being a rude guest.

GENTLE READER: Most people have seen a child react to an unwelcome present without enthusiasm, and many of us have witnessed the consequent struggle between related adults, some of whom applaud the child's honesty while others condemn it as rudeness.

Miss Manners prefers to reason with children of a certain age, pointing out that a negative reaction to well-intended gifts dampens the giver's enthusiasm for a repeat performance.

The same rule applies to adult guests: A reasonable cheerfulness is a basic social grace. Anywhere other than an operetta, a host cannot reasonably expect table-dancing, and should not fish for instant reviews.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a neighborhood gathering, I met a man who owns a headhunter/employment placement firm. He told me that he places people in financial/banking jobs, which is exactly what I need. I have been employed in mortgage banking for over 10 years.

He said that he did not have any business cards, but to call him, and just ask his daughter and son-in-law, who live across the street from me, for his name, number and email address.

I have asked them, very nicely, several times, if they could please point me in the right direction with his email address and phone number, and they don't seem to want to do it for me.

Is this bad manners? Someone told me never try to network for a job with neighbors.

GENTLE READER: Have you ever had to turn down a customer who needed a loan? And, assuming that you did, did the fact that the loan was exactly what he needed change your mind?

If you have reason to believe that the headhunter truly would be happy to speak with you, then it should not be difficult to search for him online, rather than through his daughter, reminding him of your previous conversation. But Miss Manners asks you to first consider if the daughter is not attempting to be polite by not confronting you with the fact that she has learned that her father's offer was not genuine, but merely a casual comment at a social gathering.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For our daughter's graduation from high school, we planned a small party for her with immediate family and a few neighbors and close friends.

My daughter does not like parties, so we asked her the week before to please let us know if she was feeling uncomfortable and we would call it all off, no problem. She said she would be OK with it, and we told her she could just come for a bit to say hi and thank her guests.

Day of the party, she leaves the house and doesn't show up at all, texting her dad that she wasn't feeling well and wasn't up to a party.

So now we have 30 people we are apologizing to and feeling extremely embarrassed by her rude behavior. People graciously left monetary gifts, which my daughter didn't bother to open. On top of it all, her grandparents flew in from out of town, and she was extremely rude to them and didn't spend any time talking or thanking them for coming.

So what do we do with the gifts? Do we send back the checks and cash and thank everyone? Do we keep them and not give them to my daughter directly? Maybe use them for her college expenses?

I feel bad keeping them, but I am not sure if it is just as rude to mail them back. Whatever we do, she will not send thank-you notes, either. I will have to do that.

GENTLE READER: It seems to Miss Manners that this is the least of your problems, considering that you have a thoroughly rude and callous daughter.

Ordinarily, it is insulting to return presents, but your guests have already been insulted, and are due abject apologies on your daughter's behalf, if you must write them. You can return the money with the explanation that as your daughter did not participate in the celebration, you are refusing to let her keep any of it.

Miss Manners does not consider you to be free of responsibility for this fiasco. Leaving aside your duty to teach your daughter manners and consideration for others, there is the question of why you even considered giving a party for someone who hates parties, and your willingness to allow guests to make plans that you offered to cancel a week before.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I exited a stairwell just ahead of a lady in a manual wheelchair who was getting off an adjacent elevator. I held a door open for her as we entered a long hallway, en route to our destination. The hall was narrow, so I walked behind.

She seemed to have no problem navigating through the winding path, but should I have offered to push? (For the record, I did not offer, but opened a door for her as she exited the hall, one stop before mine.)

GENTLE READER: As the lady was not having any problem, why should you have offered to push?

Miss Manners considers that you were polite in offering a conventional courtesy, and that there would be something offensive about suggesting that the lady was not managing well on her own when she obviously was.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know it is rude to interrupt someone else's conversation. But is there a polite way of doing so when one is at a dinner party at a restaurant that includes one's mother? And overhears her beginning to launch into a story about you that you would really prefer remain unshared?

GENTLE READER: "I may have already told them this. Why don't you tell them about the time you fell into Cousin Mariah's wedding cake? That's a hilarious story."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were enjoying dinner with a couple we had known for 25 years and their daughter at a local restaurant. Midway through the meal, the husband of the other couple asked for everyone's attention and then proceeded to say that he had something he would like to say to me.

He said that I was a very nice person and had a nice face, but that my (recently natural) white hair made me look OLD! And then proceeded to suggest coloring techniques that might help me look younger.

I am 62 years old and in good health, but I do have white hair, with which I am comfortable. I was flabbergasted at his comments ... but had no idea how to respond.

His wife sat speechless. His daughter kicked him under the table and mouthed to him to SHUT UP, which he did. My husband told him he liked my hair. I wanted to dump the red wine on his hair to change his hair color! But I didn't. Please help me, should this unfortunate scene occur again.

GENTLE READER: Presumably this will not happen again, because his wife and daughter will realize that they cannot take him anywhere.

Like you, Miss Manners would have been tempted to dump the wine on him, but, like you, she would have refrained. Probably, she would have said, "Well, I can't return the compliment because you could not possibly be improved upon. But I had no idea that you were in the hairdressing business."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently hosted a backyard barbecue in my new home. I told the guests what time to be there and I did not make appetizers, since I was serving a full dinner as soon as they arrived.

A couple that I invited arrived an hour early, and as soon as they arrived they demanded something to eat, as they were hungry. I did not point out that they were an hour early and I was not even dressed for the party.

She started going through my kitchen cabinets hunting for something to eat. They found some chips that I was planning to serve at dinner and opened and ate them.

I was furious that they were early and so pushy. I did not say anything, Miss Manners, but what should I have said?

GENTLE READER: "Oh, you found the chips! How kind. Since you're a bit early, would you mind setting those out for the guests when they arrive while I slip away to get dressed?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)