DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have several friends and family members who are gay and have just gotten legally married through a justice of the peace or are planning to do so.

We went to all of their wedding ceremonies in the past -- before these were legal unions -- and we gave them gifts then. Now we are confused as to what, if anything, should be gotten for them now that they are going to the courthouse to make it legal.

Is just a card acceptable? Or just a phone call or email? Do we get another gift? Or nothing at all?

GENTLE READER: Your good wishes, in whatever form of communication the announcement was issued (although Miss Manners, of course, always prefers a handwritten letter), are all that is required. A formal announcement of a legal marriage is perfectly correct and even proper -- as long as there is no solicitation for additional gifts or funding underneath it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Throughout the school year, our daughter is invited to a dozen or so parties for classmates, and we make every attempt to attend them all.

But she is a summer baby. We live in a fairly affluent community, where most people take off for extended vacations in the summer, or sign their kids up for expensive local camps or classes -- none of which we can afford.

So, not only does our daughter lose touch with her classmates, but in July, when her birthday rolls around, they are either out of town or enrolled in some kind of activity.

On her seventh birthday this past summer, she was so excited about the prospect of reconnecting with her friends from school, but when only one classmate showed up, she was brokenhearted. I was so brokenhearted for her that I wanted to cry.

I have considered celebrating her next birthday at the end of the school year before classes end to better ensure that she is surrounded by her friends, but I don't know how this would be received, being that it is not really her birthday.

GENTLE READER: You should know that Miss Manners gets scores of letters from parents bemoaning the fact that they feel an obligation (or it is the school's mandate) to invite an entire class of children that they are unable to accommodate. They would probably love to trade problems with you.

In any case, parents have to arrange children's parties according to various scheduling issues all the time; it is the rare birthday party that falls on the actual day. That your daughter's party will be a month instead of a week earlier should hardly be noteworthy.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I spent the day with his sister and her family, as well as with extended family from out of town, my brother-in-law made sure there was a bottle of one of my favorite wines, which I thought was a nice gesture.

I confess that during the six hours we were there, I drank the whole bottle.

The next day, at a birthday party for another family member, my brother-in-law said (in a very loud voice and in front of everyone), "You sure took care of that bottle of wine yesterday, didn't you?" He actually said it twice.

I was very embarrassed. I know that one must not drink to excess at gatherings, but I wasn't loud and boisterous or overtly drunk.

Since then, on visits to their home, I have replaced that bottle of wine and have politely refused wine or cocktails. I have not told him that I was embarrassed by what he said, but he has noticed that I don't partake at their house anymore. "Are you sure you don't want something? How come you're not drinking?"

I would never feel comfortable drinking at their house again. Can I just continue to decline wine or cocktails when we visit? As you know, sometimes people make it hard to refuse a drink. I don't have to explain, do I?

GENTLE READER: No, and it is not only hosts who can't stand the sight of someone without a drink in hand. You need only keep repeating, "No, thank you," until you wear such people out.

But this is your brother-in-law, and he knows something is wrong, even if he has not figured out what. And despite his unwarranted announcement, there is evidence that he wants to please, not embarrass, you.

You could lightly mention that perhaps you had drunk enough that one night to cover all future visits. But if you are unwilling to discuss the matter, then it is time to forget about his gaffe and resume normal behavior, whatever you want that to be.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I contacted a software company via email for a small project I was assigned to about two years ago. Their services were way more than we needed for our three-month initiative. I let them know and thought everyone moved on. The project ended in 2013.

I am still getting emails asking for a few minutes of my time to talk about their products or how they can become a vendor partner for my company.

I work in a research capacity for a small department of a very large corporation, and have zero purchasing power and no clout with anyone who does. I respond as such about every six months -- but I still get emails.

Is there anything I can say to get the point across? They are wasting everyone's time by contacting me.

GENTLE READER: Apparently there is nothing you can say to get the point across. But Miss Manners has good news: You are under no obligation to try.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friends' kids always ask for gifts or say, "You didn't give me a gift" for their birthdays or Christmas. This is done while their moms are present, and they don't say anything.

How do I ask my friends to tell their kids that it's rude to ask people for gifts?

GENTLE READER: Never mind the mothers, who are obviously not going to teach them manners.

Miss Manners suggests responding directly and pleasantly to the children with, "Why -- were you planning to give me one?"

Their astonishment should give you the opportunity to explain politely that giving presents is voluntary and generally expected to be reciprocal.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to wear a woman's necklace?

No, I am not a man wanting to wear women's necklaces. I am a husband who buys his wife jewelry that is especially attractive and, to my mind, youthful and appropriate for daily wearing.

But she says necklaces are worn only with dresses. They are not to be worn with shirts, blouses, and definitely not with T-shirts. Since she rarely wears a dress, she thanks me and maybe wears my gifts one time, then they go in her jewelry cabinet, never to see the light of day.

Please tell me I am correct that necklaces can be worn most any time, and not only with a dress!

GENTLE READER: Yes, presuming that you understand the gradations between sporting a diamond choker and a gold chain. But what good does this do you? Your wife does not like to wear necklaces. So why do you keep giving them to her?

Miss Manners is astonished at the number of people who would rather prove a point than please a spouse, and politely excuses herself from being involved.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am celebrating a milestone birthday with a formal masquerade-themed party at an event facility. The time of the party is 7 p.m. to midnight. It includes a cocktail hour at 7, with dinner following.

Can I add the 7 p.m. cocktail hour to the invitation? I would hate guests to misunderstand and think that they could arrive anytime between 7 and midnight.

GENTLE READER: The temptation to tell one's guests when they are expected to leave is one with which Miss Manners sympathizes.

Clear signals are often neglected. If the hosts do not rise from the table to announce coffee in the living room as the final act, guests feel awkward about being the first to get up.

And then some people just never know when to go home.

However, putting both starting and finishing times on an invitation, often done for cocktail parties, indeed suggests that they may arrive during the event -- not toward its end, to be sure, but not necessarily at the starting point.

You are giving a dinner party, so you should inform your guests that it will start at 7, as drinks before the meal are part of the routine. That tells them to arrive on time -- and you can only hope that they will take themselves off at a decent hour.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)