DEAR MISS MANNERS: I finally signed up with a popular social media site at the request of my two sisters, one who lives abroad and the other one 1,500 miles away. They both wanted to be updated on my family and daughter's events.

However, due to my busy schedule, I want to limit the number of my "friends" on social media to 10 people, mostly very close family and friends of my daughter.

I have received a friend request from a person I carpool to work with. I do not want to increase my social media friends list. Should I accept the invite, even if it means having 11 friends? Or what is a polite way to decline?

GENTLE READER: Most social media sites save users the trouble of figuring out how politely to say "I don't want to be your friend" by allowing them to decline without actually informing the person making the request. Miss Manners does not agree with this implementation; she does agree that you are not bound to engage in unwelcome social interactions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A cousin who remarried informed me that not only has she taken her husband's last name, but she has also changed her first name. A friend did this some years ago, but answers to both first names, old and new.

Is it recommended to honor the new first-name identity and offensive to retain the familiar first name? Retroactive first-naming feels like losing ties that bound -- especially when one interacts infrequently, over long distances!

GENTLE READER: Changing first names upon marrying is a new idea to Miss Manners. She wonders if it is the bride's intention, by changing her entire name, to loosen old ties by disappearing. But assuming this is not the case, it is correct to address her by her new name.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker who is late to work almost daily. Two or three times a week, the co-worker makes herself even later by stopping to pick up coffee or breakfast sandwiches.

She calls the office while driving to pick up the items, to see if anyone would want her to get anything, with the expectation that she wishes to be repaid despite this being an effort to apologize for being late.

I'm just curious, if I am ever running late myself, which would be more appropriate: to be late and empty-handed, or to be even later with a snack in hand?

GENTLE READER: Your question, even if facetious, raises a genuine issue: To whom is an apology due from a late co-worker? Her colleagues, including yourself, may feel wronged, either because their own work -- or workload -- may suffer in consequence, or because it is unfair that standards of timeliness are not applied uniformly. Or they may not care, and appreciate the catering.

But it is the business that is being harmed, and therefore it is the boss to whom the co-worker first owes an apology. It is also the boss to whom you and your colleagues can take their complaints. One assumes that the boss would rather have a laborer than a latte, free or otherwise.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette for announcing a pregnancy to extended friends and family?

I am expecting a baby shortly and have not announced anything about my pregnancy via social media and have no intent to. The result is, only friends that I keep in contact with frequently or see in person, and immediate family, know that I am pregnant.

I was fine with this, and intended to send out a birth announcement to extended family once my child was born. However, it seems that every time someone I'm not close to finds out I'm having a baby in a few short months, they act offended that I hadn't told them sooner.

So I'm wondering, was I supposed to mass-announce my pregnancy? Or is it OK to keep things like that private, simply for the reason that you don't feel like broadcasting it via social media?

GENTLE READER: There are sensible reasons for not advertising a pregnancy -- from the possibility that something might go wrong, to the hope of avoiding hearing everyone else's grisly birth stories.

But beyond that, Miss Manners encourages you to resist the notion that you are obliged to make your life public. Traditionally, births, marriages and deaths were formally announced to one's circle of acquaintance. The rest was, and is, discretionary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in my early 70s and could definitely get a lift from a face-lift. The problem is that I'm not sure how to find a surgeon I trust.

I know a number of women my age who look wonderful, and I suspect they have had "work" done. I would love to ask them for the names of their surgeons, but fear that my question would be insulting or intrusive.

Is there a tactful way I could ask? Or is it just plain bad manners to ask someone who did their face?

GENTLE READER: Yes, "Who did your face?" is definitely not charming conversation.

But you might be able to tease that out of them by talking about yourself, and then, after the inevitable reassurance that you look fine, saying, "Still, I wish I knew someone who could recommend a surgeon. I'm not lucky enough to have your good genes."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you answer well-meaning people who ask how you are doing after the death of your spouse?

My husband died last year, four months after I retired from my job. He was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that had spread to his brain.

I still miss him and want to ask him countless questions. He is sitting on our mantel in his urn -- needless to say, his answers aren't well-phrased.

I haven't been very active socially because I don't have a well-thought-out way to answer people's concern, except to say, "I'm doing as well as can be expected."

GENTLE READER: It seems to Miss Manners that that says it all. You needn't claim to be fine, but you will have responded to the well-meaning people that you are not in a state of crisis requiring intervention.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My career has taken me to a point that I am occasionally interviewed on local radio and television.

As a child, I was taught that when someone says “Thank you,” I should respond with “You’re welcome.” However, in interviews I hear, the interviewer always ends with “Thank you,” and the interviewee always responds with “Thank you.”

I would like to be myself and say “You’re welcome,” unless you can offer a compelling insight into why “Thank you” is the proper response.

GENTLE READER: “You are welcome” is generally the proper response. “Thank you” back is not impolite, but also not necessary.

In this case, it stems, Miss Manners surmises, from a modest need to deflect attention from being appreciated. A compromise response in such circumstances is “Thank you for having me here.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Before my wedding last year, a colleague sent out an email encouraging staff contributions for a wedding gift to me at a local spa. Many contributed and some didn’t.

My wedding came and went, and the colleague who was responsible for the gift never delivered it. She kept the funds for herself.

Many asked if I enjoyed my experience, and I admitted I had never received the gift and not gone to the spa. Several even shared with me that they did, in fact, contribute.

I am obligated by management to work directly with this person and have ignored the issue for some time, not wanting to seem spiteful or bitter, but I have a sincere issue with this being kept a secret, as it is one of the reasons I have a hard time trusting this individual.

I have shared this with my direct office supervisor (who is not her direct supervisor), but nothing has been done. I am now working toward a promotion and want to do the right thing. Is there anything that can be done to courteously handle this situation? Was it appropriate for me to share that the gift was never delivered?

GENTLE READER: As always, it depends on the delivery (of the news, not of the present -- you seemed to have missed out on that).

If you share the information in an accusatory way, superiors will likely not want to get involved in a social transaction executed in a professional setting. Miss Manners would advise you to approach your colleague directly -- and in a panic, if you can muster it -- saying: “I am so horribly embarrassed. It has come to my attention that the staff contributed to a spa gift for my wedding, but I never received it. I am terribly remiss in writing thank-you notes, but I don’t know to whom I should send them. Do you know anything about this?”

Either your colleague will cop to it and know that you are on to her -- or she will claim innocence. If the latter, continue by saying: “Oh dear. I hate to think that the rest of the staff is making this up. Would you help me broach the subject with them since they claim you were the collector?”

Miss Manners hopes that this will call her bluff -- and let her know that you will notice any future botched deliveries.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)