DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette for announcing a pregnancy to extended friends and family?

I am expecting a baby shortly and have not announced anything about my pregnancy via social media and have no intent to. The result is, only friends that I keep in contact with frequently or see in person, and immediate family, know that I am pregnant.

I was fine with this, and intended to send out a birth announcement to extended family once my child was born. However, it seems that every time someone I'm not close to finds out I'm having a baby in a few short months, they act offended that I hadn't told them sooner.

So I'm wondering, was I supposed to mass-announce my pregnancy? Or is it OK to keep things like that private, simply for the reason that you don't feel like broadcasting it via social media?

GENTLE READER: There are sensible reasons for not advertising a pregnancy -- from the possibility that something might go wrong, to the hope of avoiding hearing everyone else's grisly birth stories.

But beyond that, Miss Manners encourages you to resist the notion that you are obliged to make your life public. Traditionally, births, marriages and deaths were formally announced to one's circle of acquaintance. The rest was, and is, discretionary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in my early 70s and could definitely get a lift from a face-lift. The problem is that I'm not sure how to find a surgeon I trust.

I know a number of women my age who look wonderful, and I suspect they have had "work" done. I would love to ask them for the names of their surgeons, but fear that my question would be insulting or intrusive.

Is there a tactful way I could ask? Or is it just plain bad manners to ask someone who did their face?

GENTLE READER: Yes, "Who did your face?" is definitely not charming conversation.

But you might be able to tease that out of them by talking about yourself, and then, after the inevitable reassurance that you look fine, saying, "Still, I wish I knew someone who could recommend a surgeon. I'm not lucky enough to have your good genes."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you answer well-meaning people who ask how you are doing after the death of your spouse?

My husband died last year, four months after I retired from my job. He was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that had spread to his brain.

I still miss him and want to ask him countless questions. He is sitting on our mantel in his urn -- needless to say, his answers aren't well-phrased.

I haven't been very active socially because I don't have a well-thought-out way to answer people's concern, except to say, "I'm doing as well as can be expected."

GENTLE READER: It seems to Miss Manners that that says it all. You needn't claim to be fine, but you will have responded to the well-meaning people that you are not in a state of crisis requiring intervention.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My career has taken me to a point that I am occasionally interviewed on local radio and television.

As a child, I was taught that when someone says “Thank you,” I should respond with “You’re welcome.” However, in interviews I hear, the interviewer always ends with “Thank you,” and the interviewee always responds with “Thank you.”

I would like to be myself and say “You’re welcome,” unless you can offer a compelling insight into why “Thank you” is the proper response.

GENTLE READER: “You are welcome” is generally the proper response. “Thank you” back is not impolite, but also not necessary.

In this case, it stems, Miss Manners surmises, from a modest need to deflect attention from being appreciated. A compromise response in such circumstances is “Thank you for having me here.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Before my wedding last year, a colleague sent out an email encouraging staff contributions for a wedding gift to me at a local spa. Many contributed and some didn’t.

My wedding came and went, and the colleague who was responsible for the gift never delivered it. She kept the funds for herself.

Many asked if I enjoyed my experience, and I admitted I had never received the gift and not gone to the spa. Several even shared with me that they did, in fact, contribute.

I am obligated by management to work directly with this person and have ignored the issue for some time, not wanting to seem spiteful or bitter, but I have a sincere issue with this being kept a secret, as it is one of the reasons I have a hard time trusting this individual.

I have shared this with my direct office supervisor (who is not her direct supervisor), but nothing has been done. I am now working toward a promotion and want to do the right thing. Is there anything that can be done to courteously handle this situation? Was it appropriate for me to share that the gift was never delivered?

GENTLE READER: As always, it depends on the delivery (of the news, not of the present -- you seemed to have missed out on that).

If you share the information in an accusatory way, superiors will likely not want to get involved in a social transaction executed in a professional setting. Miss Manners would advise you to approach your colleague directly -- and in a panic, if you can muster it -- saying: “I am so horribly embarrassed. It has come to my attention that the staff contributed to a spa gift for my wedding, but I never received it. I am terribly remiss in writing thank-you notes, but I don’t know to whom I should send them. Do you know anything about this?”

Either your colleague will cop to it and know that you are on to her -- or she will claim innocence. If the latter, continue by saying: “Oh dear. I hate to think that the rest of the staff is making this up. Would you help me broach the subject with them since they claim you were the collector?”

Miss Manners hopes that this will call her bluff -- and let her know that you will notice any future botched deliveries.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My parents own season tickets for our local team. Several times a year, they are unable to attend and offer their tickets to my husband and me. Sometimes the timing is not good and we politely decline, but often we enthusiastically accept.

For the first time ever, we did not attend a game for which we had tickets. The game occurred during a very hectic week, and we decided at the last minute that we’d prefer to spend a quiet night resting at home.

Unfortunately, friends of my parents noticed that the seats were empty and reported this to my parents, who are now quite hurt.

Was it rude of us not to attend the game? We greatly appreciate my parents’ generosity and fully intended to go when we accepted the tickets. I don’t know that it would serve my parents any better if we turned down all of their offers of tickets because of the very small chance that something might prevent us from attending.

GENTLE READER: Did you get that rest? The tone of your conclusion makes Miss Manners think that another quiet night at home would be a good investment.

Turning down all future ticket offers will not serve them right -- or wrong.

Miss Manners does not suggest that it was rude of you to skip the game. But she does understand why your parents might have appreciated a last-minute effort to notify them and to discuss what might be done. Perhaps there was a friend who would have gladly forfeited a restful night at home.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend, who I dated a couple of times, asked me to be his valentine (received card and gifts). I accepted.

Now, what should I do? Should I reciprocate with an invitation to do something?

GENTLE READER: Like what?

You two have established a romantic bond. Surely it is time for Miss Manners to leave you on your own to develop it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love my dad to death. However, whenever my wife and I come to visit and we’re eating a meal, he makes a big point of saying to my mom, “Sure is good!”

This is generally only seconds into the meal. The implication is that we should have said something first.

I have at times tried to solve this by quickly taking the first bite and then beating him to the punch with the first compliment. Conversely, at other times I’ve not said anything, to let him know he can’t pressure me. Argggh!

GENTLE READER: If you have to gulp your food to get in a compliment before your father, then he is not trying to change your behavior -- at least not successfully.

He is, however, being quite successful at irritating you, and this is in your control. In his defense, Miss Manners points out that he may think he is defending your mother, and simply likes her cooking. If she knows how much you appreciate her efforts -- which you can show in other ways, such as thanking her at the end of the evening -- then you may enjoy your meal without implications.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)