DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a severely disabled friend who lives far away. Sometimes we chat on the phone and sometimes I write letters. The letters must be read to her by caregivers whom I have never met.

When I was writing a letter that continued our last phone conversation, the subject turned to both religion and politics. While my views are decidedly not extreme, it occurred to me that they might conflict with those of the caregivers. What used to be simple disagreement so often seems to turn to offense these days.

When writing to my friend, must I consider the possible views of her caregivers and stay away from controversial subjects? Or may I treat my letter as a private conversation, even though I know strangers will be reading it?

GENTLE READER: As you have never met the caregivers, it would be difficult to know what would meet their standards of acceptable conversation. However, Miss Manners assures you that there is no requirement that you do so. Well-trained caregivers are often called upon to be a social companion, but should know that the kindness they are providing in reading your letter is different -- it is to enable the beneficiary to enjoy something she would otherwise have missed: a letter from a friend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I have attended several baby showers for friends and relatives this past year.

There is one friend in the group who seems particularly passive-aggressive about these affairs, often opining on overpopulation, American consumerism, Americans' waste, etc. Personally, I'd like to put her out on her keister. But my wife and her friends just roll their eyes at each other when she begins her litany.

Is my only recourse to follow my wife's lead and simply roll my eyes, or is it safe to engage her in a debate?

I can debate quite civilly, but I also know this woman to fly off the handle at the slightest provocation -- that may be my motive for engaging her, truth be told. I am so tired of her self-righteous statements, and I know others are also wearying of them. Do I commit a faux pas by responding to her when she begins spewing her nasty opinions?

GENTLE READER: First, let us rule out further eye-rolling -- rudeness does not justify further rudeness. And a debate about population growth will neither silence the opinionated nor endear you to the hostess.

But if you cannot return rudeness for rudeness, Miss Manners does not lay the same ban on exchanges of righteous indignation. The next time your wife's friend complains about overpopulation, put on your most horrified look and say, "Surely you are not talking about the birth we are all here to celebrate?" Then walk away, leaving any follow-up debate to others.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it professional to call a colleague a nickname such as "Little Redhead"? Someone who is in some ways above you in the chain of command?

GENTLE READER: Outside of the Mafia -- and even then, likely only in movies -- Miss Manners is not aware of any profession in which conferring nicknames ("Nicky the Squid") is considered professional behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Almost every week, my phone gets at least one text message identified solely by the other party's phone number, with few clues as to the sender's identity, saying something like, "When do you want to meet?" What's the politest way to reply, "First, who IS this, please?"

GENTLE READER: "Who is this, please?" (with "is" lowercase) should be sufficient as, depending on the answer, Miss Manners suspects that there may not be a "second."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend/acquaintance who has a problem with self-esteem and is constantly trying to impress. When a group of us go out to eat, she says, "I will do the prime rib" or whatever it may be.

The rest of us just say we will have the prime rib.

I know this isn't a big deal, but it really grates on my nerves. Should I say anything or just bite my tongue?

GENTLE READER: Bite your tongue. Miss Manners finds your interpretation of your friend/acquaintance's wording even odder than the wording itself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a woman who enjoys woodworking. Every time that I buy plywood from a local home store, the employees are kind enough to cut it to rough size for me, so that I can get it into my car and maneuver the lighter pieces.

When they cut the plywood, I plug my fingers because the sound of the saw hurts my ears. (I wear earmuffs when I use my saw at home.) My problem is that the employees do NOT wear their earmuffs when they make the cuts. The safety gear is hanging right there, on a hook, unused.

How do I say, "Please wear your earmuffs!" (I was born half-deaf, and I hate wearing hearing aids. I say, "What?" a million times a day.) Watching others deliberately endanger their hearing is heartrending to me. I don't know if I should speak up, what to say, to whom to say it, etc.

GENTLE READER: One of the blessings of modern safety regulations is that they reduce the opportunities for employers to abuse employees. The other blessing is that it makes the employer fearful of the consequences when employees -- even careless ones -- do get hurt. Miss Manners suggests you raise the issue with the store owner, relating your own experience with hearing loss.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A relative of mine often disses my family, particularly my siblings. I enjoy her company, but I'm put off by her negative remarks. They are thrown in unexpectedly, and I don't know how to respond discreetly. How can I handle this comfortably?

GENTLE READER: It should add to your comfort, Miss Manners would think, to repeat, "I will not listen to anything against my siblings." The discomfort of your bad-mouthing relative may prove to be useful. If not, at least you will be spared hearing the remarks.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was excluded from an event put together by someone I consider a very good friend. I only found out about the event by all the photos on Facebook. I am obviously very hurt by this.

What would your advice be on handling my feelings? Should I ask the hostess why she decided to exclude me?

GENTLE READER: Why? Do you want to hear the answer?

However, please allow Miss Manners to contest the premise of your question. You were not, in fact, excluded from this event; you were simply not invited. People are not required to invite all of their friends on every occasion.

Social media postings have unfortunately blasted the rule that one does not mention such events, either before or after they take place, to those who were not invited. Miss Manners wishes she could persuade hosts and guests to refrain from doing so, but she is not optimistic.

Nevertheless, you will spare yourself a lot of anguish if you simply accept that you will not always be invited to everything.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During my student days, I was always reading -- at home, in restaurants, on the subway. Even on the sidewalk.

This habit ended abruptly one day when I walked into a lamppost and apologized to it before I realized what I had run into.

GENTLE READER: Allow Miss Manners to assure you that technically, banging into a lamppost is not an etiquette violation, as you did not offend another person. Indeed, you serve as a lesson to those who multi-task, for which Miss Manners thanks you. Perhaps that will make up for the presumed lack of response on the part of your victim.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My ex-husband, his girlfriend and I recently hosted an engagement party for our daughter and her fiancee at his home. The party was lovely, and the couple thanked everyone repeatedly during and after the evening.

My daughter tells me that her father has hinted that she was rude for not bringing a hostess gift. He has recently moved into a beautiful home that is stuffed to the rafters. They have everything they could possibly want or need, and yes, I know that's not the point of a hostess gift.

I feel that when one throws an engagement party for one's children, no hostess gift is required. Will she be expected to give us a gift after her wedding reception, too?

Please help me defuse this situation, or enlighten me so that I may apologize for my own poor manners. (I didn't bring a gift either.)

GENTLE READER: Is it your ex-husband's intention to give your daughter lessons in greed and extortion in connection with her nuptials?

Miss Manners does not seem to be able to get it across to people that asking for presents is always rude, greedy and nasty. It doesn't matter what the occasion is, or how customary it is for presents to be given.

Certainly, your daughter owes her father and the hostess thanks for throwing the party. She does not owe him payment, either in money or in goods. And while an additional appreciative gesture -- such as flowers sent before the event -- is charming, it is hardly necessary when the host is a member of the family being honored.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)