DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are thrilled to be moving into our first home. Our plan is that this will be the only home purchase in our lifetime.

We would very much like to celebrate once I've had time to get settled in a bit. I was thinking of inviting my closest friends and the nearby neighbors. I figure I can mail invitations to the friends, and simply slip them under the door for the neighbors.

We want for nothing, and want nothing except to celebrate with our friends and meet our neighbors. OK, maybe we want to show off our new home a little.

That is where things may get tricky. I suffer from a serious medical condition that prevents me from being able to share a bed with my husband. We have separate bedrooms, which works for us, and we are still blissfully happy after nearly a decade of marriage.

I don't feel this is anything we need to be ashamed of, and it will be obvious that we have more bedrooms being used than are necessary for a married couple.

What is the best way to address questions about our intimate life that some people feel compelled to ask about? As I stated, we're both happy, but I don't know a proper way to deflect these questions since intimate details frankly aren't anyone's business but our own.

It is important to me to make new friends, so a polite response other than staring at them gaping may be in order. We've all had lapses in judgment and etiquette, and I don't want to judge anyone too harshly over one inappropriate question.

GENTLE READER: Really? That is very open-minded of you. But what good do you imagine will come of friendship with people who begin it by inquiring about your and your husband's sleeping arrangements? Miss Manners would call this a major indicator of trouble ahead.

Time was when couples who could afford it had separate suites, and yet no one asked how it was possible that they also conceived numerous children. If you must include your bedrooms on the house tour, you needn't call them that, but could borrow the old terminology: "This is my boudoir. That is my husband's study."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a prestigious hotel, preparing breakfast for all the guests. When first I started, I was so happy, smiling all the time -- and don't get me wrong. I still love my job and what I do.

The problem is that the people staying here seem so nasty and don't have any manners at all. People who dress well leave the place trashed.

The waffle station is the worst. They want hot food all the time, but the things left inside the container with the lid open are so nasty I am stunned. I would understand from a child, but from adults, it is so gross. What can you tell me?

GENTLE READER: That you are dealing with the public, and to do so sometimes requires a strong stomach.

It also requires a pleasant demeanor, and Miss Manners is pleased to hear that yours comes naturally. Please do not allow it to be dampened by those awful people at the waffle station. That would only make you sadder and deprive them of the chance of being influenced for the better.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do you think it is proper to receive a dinner invitation from a neighbor/friend to eat leftovers that they cooked the night before? And, if this is declined, is it right for the neighbor to get a bit of an attitude and say they are feeling "rejected" because of it?

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners feels misled by the phrasing here and is not sure which side she is being manipulated to take, she will rule in favor of the subtext of the transaction.

If it was a casual invitation from the neighbor/friend, there was nothing wrong with being upfront about its informality: "I have some wonderful leftovers from last night if you would like to stop by for dinner." If the invitee rejected this by saying, "Ew, no thanks, I don't want your sloppy seconds. I deserve a first-run meal!" then Miss Manners could hardly blame the neighbor for being offended.

It is when a formal invitation is issued and leftovers are obviously and conspicuously offered, so as to suggest the company's lack of importance, that Miss Manners would rule in the would-be guest's favor -- whoever that may be.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother's bride-to-be seems to be having a ridiculous number of bridal showers thrown for her. Yesterday I received my third invite to a different shower in her honor. I also know more are coming (I believe the count is up to five showers total).

This is in addition to an engagement party and a bachelorette party. All of these have been thrown by members of her family or her friends. One of the bridal invites was for a "Stock the Bar Party," which asked to bring a bottle of libation, in addition to listing where the bride had registered.

The bride's mother went so far as to call my mother to ask if my family would be hosting showers. This task was then assigned to me (however, with work commitments, I had to regretfully decline).

How many bridal showers are too many? Is it now a trend to host a "Stock the Bar Party," expecting guests to fill the wedding bar? Will it look tacky if I choose to attend only one of the showers? Am I expected to give a gift at each party? While I am not a bridesmaid, I have been asked to be the mistress of ceremonies.

GENTLE READER: How fitting, since this event sounds like quite a circus.

What is trendy or expected in these cases -- as Miss Manners relentlessly proclaims -- has absolutely nothing to do with what is polite. It has only to do with greed.

It is permissible to have one bridal shower, voluntarily hosted by a friend (not a relative, as that looks like the family is fishing for gifts -- a look that this particular family seems to have no problem donning), preferably with no gift registry at all.

So yes, given that shower pandemonium has already broken loose, it is perfectly reasonable for you to attend only one of these showers and bring one token gift, as that is all that should have been expected in the first place.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our office's self-appointed social organizer has sent her usual Halloween notice that we're "encouraged" to come to work dressed up in our choice of scary attire.

Now, I do respect others who wish to participate. But personally, for various reasons, not the least of which is that I have moral and religious objections to the mass craziness that is Halloween, I wish not to participate -- in as gracious and respectful a manner as possible, without offending or appearing standoffish.

Our office includes a mere dozen people, so it's hard to not be noticed. Kindly teach me how to graciously abstain without offending the easily offendable. I don't wish to stay away from work, either, as I am paid by hours worked.

GENTLE READER: Unless your job is teaching nursery school, Miss Manners offers you her sympathy. She does not approve of compulsory shenanigans in the workplace.

She suggests that you go dressed normally, and reply to any accusations with the pathetic plea: "But I thought I was scary enough already. Do you mean to say that I don't frighten you? Oh, dear." And just to show your good will --and to divert the complaint -- you might bring some candy to offer your colleagues.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a woman with a gender-neutral first name, working in a predominantly male profession. In applying for jobs, I notice that the responses I get are sometimes addressed to "Mr."

Is there a way I can politely indicate that I am a woman to the people in HR before I show up at an interview? I just don't want any confusion or embarrassment when I meet them.

Conversely, I was thinking about being in their shoes, and I really don't know the best way to address a letter to a person like me. How does one address a letter to someone when you can't tell their gender by their name?

GENTLE READER: You should become adept at supplying any available clues -- for example, using your full name, "Patricia," in formal business correspondence even though everyone knows you as "Pat"; including your middle name if it is more gender-specific; and putting "Ms." in parentheses before your signature.

If that doesn't do it, Miss Manners would leave HR to guess and be ready with an apology if they guessed wrong.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude for my fiancee's daughter to give me a birthday list of very expensive items when I never once asked her what she wanted? She is always asking me for things I cannot afford, and I do not know the appropriate responses to her requests. It's gotten to the point that I do not enjoy her company.

GENTLE READER: In the interest of heading off the tendency of even angelic children to exploit parental differences, Miss Manners recommends a conversation with your fiancee. She should put a stop to her daughter's behavior on her own authority, leaving you the otherwise-pleasant task of making friends with your soon-to-be stepdaughter.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)