DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have to reveal a pet peeve: Waiters and waitresses who ask questions of my dining party such as, "Are we ready to order?" and, "Did we save room for dessert?"

This inclusive questioning seems to occur at both casual and high-end restaurants. Do you agree that this is poor form? Is it appropriate to mention this annoyance to the server? I am a former waitress and a generous tipper!

GENTLE READER: That wait staff use odd phrases and strange terminology may unfortunately be a mandate coming from the establishment itself (or its focus groups), and not the individual.

Miss Manners supposes that the inclusive questioning you describe is in keeping with the unfortunate trend of servers attempting to be the customers' friends, and not their temporary employees. She agrees that the tone is condescending and has the opposite effect.

However, as a former waitress, how would you have reacted to a patron's pointing out these little annoyances -- particularly if they are a job requirement? Please save your complaints for the bigger transgressions and try to endure.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have become friendly at church with a gay couple who moved into the area. They have a 4-year-old child who is always with them at parties and events where they are in attendance.

I like this couple and want to invite them to my home. I entertain a lot and quite formally. Would it be rude to ask them not to bring their child?

GENTLE READER: Not if you phrase it correctly. "We would love to have the two of you over at a dinner party." And they are properly referred to as "a couple," not "a gay couple."

If they balk at leaving their child, Miss Manners authorizes you to continue: "I'm afraid it won't be interesting for Madeleine -- and our house isn't really equipped for a child. But you are new here, and I'm sure that we could help introduce you to some wonderful baby sitters in town."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it acceptable behavior for strangers to come up on a family in a park and take pictures on their phones of the children playing?

My sister-in-law just told me that twice now, she has had various people come up to their family gathering and start taking pictures of her children while they play.

This seems rude -- am I wrong? My brother's family is a large one, nine children, and they do play very energetically and creatively, but still, it seems weird. Since when!?

GENTLE READER: Since society decided that everyone wants free publicity.

Miss Manners begs to differ. While technically legal if it is done is in a public place, taking pictures of children that are not one's own is extremely rude -- and potentially dangerous.

Your sister-in-law would do well to stop these photographers by saying, "May I help you?" while blocking the shot and telling the children to go off and play. Perhaps their idea of play will be to exercise their own photographic rights by taking pictures of the offending strangers.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Edible dinnerware seems to be newly popular, and I am not sure how to handle it. When I ordered clam chowder, it was served in a hollowed-out mini loaf of sourdough bread.

Do I assume that the establishment has run out of regular bowls and not eat the bowl? Which is what I did, as there was sourdough bread served on the side. Digging into the empty bowl at the table did not seem quite proper.

GENTLE READER: You will forgive Miss Manners for the patient smile she develops when told of a modern trend. In medieval times, trenchers, flat rounds of bread, were used as plates. The custom was to give them to the poor after the meal when they (the bread, not the poor) were soaked with juices.

Nowadays, this would not be considered an attractive (or sanitary) form of philanthropy. However, it is reasonable to assume that a trendy restaurant has no intention of washing and reusing your edible soup bowl. You may therefore eat it, or not, as you wish.

Miss Manners shares your confusion at the redundancy of serving bread on the side, but perhaps the restaurant is trying to accommodate both those who like their bread soggy and those who do not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Twice in the past month, I've been sent emails with lists of recipients that include people who have recently died -- one an invitation to lunch, and another to advise that a high school classmate had died.

In both cases, it was clear from the email's content that the sender knew that the recipients were dead. I was especially horrified to see that the one regarding the classmate who died was sent to the dead classmate (along with around 100 other people).

Is sending email to a dead person to advise the person that he has died appropriate? Would it be more appropriate to cc: the deceased in the event that the surviving family might see and appreciate the email? Would it be appropriate for me to contact the sender(s) and suggest that this is in poor taste?

GENTLE READER: Indeed, Miss Manners agrees that the dead should be allowed the courtesy of resting in peace without being bombarded with emails.

It would be rude of you to correct the sender's manners, so we shall have to call it an oversight, as if it were not an unforgivable one, considering the content of the missive. Then you would simply write suggesting that under the circumstances, these people's names should be removed from the list.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do I need to provide a reason why I am not attending my sister's wedding?

GENTLE READER: Your sister already knows the reason, and so does the rest of the family. Miss Manners considers it best to decline gracefully without mentioning whatever unpleasantness -- or difficult personal circumstances -- prevent you from attending.

Actually, excuses are never needed in declining invitations, and only lead to trouble. When they are legitimate, hosts may not consider them more important than their events, and when they are fake, they are bound to be found out.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Pregnant women nowadays appear to want everyone to know they are pregnant, and how far along they are, by wearing tight knit tops. Not only are their stomachs huge, but their belly buttons are pooched out.

I find this disgusting. I'm in my early 60s -- am I too old-fashioned? I miss the days when women wore loose "maternity blouses." One knew that the woman was pregnant, but we didn't have to be reminded of what was going on under the maternity blouse.

GENTLE READER: What Miss Manners misses are the days when no one would have thought of staring a lady -- pregnant or not -- in the belly button. She does not miss the days when pregnant ladies were expected to dress as if they were wearing the nursery curtains.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a vacation in Paris, I stayed at a lovely furnished apartment. In the kitchen with all of the silverware was a set of round, perfectly flat "spoons" about the size of a teaspoon. There was a set of eight along with all of the other forks and spoons.

Although I have looked on the Internet, I cannot find these spoons and what they would be used for. Can you provide any insight as to their purpose?

GENTLE READER: But yes, as we say in France.

During your stay in Paris, Miss Manners supposes that you also noticed that the French are proud of their cuisine. Those flat spoons were the 20th-century invention of a French chef who didn't want anyone to miss a drop of his superb sauce.

The sauce spoon is rarely seen in America, where some feel that a crust of bread will do just as well, and others have mastered the quick flick with the side of a fork. If you acquired such spoons, you will find that you amaze, and possibly delight, your guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Members of my husband's family greet me, in person and on the phone, by saying, "What are you doing?" rather than the more traditional, "Hello. How are you?"

Am I wrong in finding their greeting to be rude? It is quite awkward to walk into a social gathering and have someone ask what I'm doing (clearly, I am attending the same event that they are), or to pick up the phone and have someone demand to know what I am doing right that second.

Is it rude of me to ignore their specific question and respond, "I am well, thanks, how are you?"

GENTLE READER: That you do not reply, "I'm answering the telephone," or the equivalent for direct encounters, takes remarkable restraint.

However, your in-laws could point out that "How are you?" could also be construed as an intrusive question.

But Miss Manners agrees with you that there is a difference. Aside from the literal-minded folks who complain that those who ask show no interest in the health problems that are described in reply, most people understand that the inquiry is a mere convention, requiring no more than the perfunctory response you offer. If you want to respond to that, rather than with an almost equally perfunctory "Oh, nothing much," Miss Manners has no objection.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)