DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm not wealthy, but I'm quite well off and need nothing. Rather than give me gifts, several members of my family observe milestones in my life by donating to charities of their choice in my name. I appreciate the thoughts and always thank them appropriately.
In recent years, however, one couple has begun donating to charities that are anti-gay, to say the least, and they know I am gay. Am I under any obligation to thank them? Would it be considered rude to tell them I find such a donation in my name to be very inconsiderate?
GENTLE READER: Not only inconsiderate, but also somewhat fraudulent. Miss Manners would go to greater lengths than you to stop someone from putting her name on a charity that she condemns. Rather than thanking them or not, you might attempt to stop the transaction in advance by saying, "I appreciate you thinking of me, but I would prefer not to be associated with a cause with which I disagree. I'm sure you understand." By no means should you let them engage you in a discussion of why.