DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have three children ages 14, 13 and 9, all very active. Between my husband and I both working full-time and getting all three children to where they need to be, we hardly have a spare moment.

About four years ago, my parents decided to move to be "close" to us. Naturally I was very excited and could not wait to have them here.

However, now that they are here, we see them less than we did when they lived out of town.

We invite them to every activity the children have, but they always have an excuse not to come. Finally we determined that the real reason was that they just weren't interested in the types of events that we were inviting them to.

I am resentful and sometimes cannot keep from being a little short when I do speak to them. If I say something about it to them, they turn it around on me and say that we never come to see them or make time for them, and that we are just too busy.

I just don't understand how they can expect us to come and sit at their house, when we rarely have time to "sit" at our own! Any night of the week, at least one of our children has some type of activity to participate in.

We have made it clear that we would love for them to be more of a part of our everyday lives; however, they do not seem interested, and almost seem angry that we don't make time for them.

Am I being unreasonable? I feel like this time in my life is all about keeping my children as involved with activities as I can. I enjoy watching them, and just can't seem to get my parents to realize this.

GENTLE READER: As impossible as it may be for you to imagine, perhaps your parents' idea of spending time with you and their grandchildren does not include shuttling around to their various activities. Would you be eager to observe their book club or watch them take an exercise class?

You find it an imposition to sit at their house -- or what Miss Manners would call socializing -- yet are insulted that they don't consider standing on the sidelines as being "close" to their grandchildren.

An occasional dance recital or pivotal sports game may be entertaining, but it is a lot to ask, even from a loving grandparent, solely to watch the children, rather than interact with them.

The constant bustle that you describe hardly sounds sociable or relaxing. And it's probably not what your parents imagined when they decided to move across the country in order to be close to you. You might consider that developing family bonds is an extremely worthwhile activity for your children.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to multi-task during an e-date? I'd never do such a thing in person, but if it's an e-date and I'm sitting in my kitchen, how would he know?

GENTLE READER: It is true that manners differ from morals in that what you do doesn't count against you if nobody finds out about it and is therefore unaffected.

But that means no giveaway noises. And Miss Manners warns you that tasks you do in the kitchen, as in other rooms with running water, are apt to be obvious.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law seems unable to tolerate a reciprocal relationship where she accepts our hospitality or gift, and then she hosts us, gives us something, etc.

If we visit her, she gives us gifts and insists on paying "because we came all that way," but if she visits us it's different. This time she needs to pay for things "because we did so much."

She literally argued that a coin flip would be unfair to determine which couple got the better room in a shared suite. (The only fair thing would be if she and hubby took the lesser accommodation.)

I thought we made headway in the last visit. They accepted our hosting, but also took us out. Now I just received, after the fact, an additional gift certificate by email. I suffer from my own malady of really liking things to be equal, but this doesn't seem possible. What should I feel, do or say?

GENTLE READER: "Thank you," while trying not to sigh audibly. And when you take them out, make arrangements about the bill in advance.

In a world of moochers (such a satisfying word), excessive generosity may be a lesser annoyance, but Miss Manners thoroughly sympathizes with your discomfort.

However well your relatives think they mean, they are putting you in their perpetual debt, which is not pleasant.

You will, of course, thank them for the gift certificate. But you might want to add that you are saving it -- whether it is a meal out, or a present you should choose -- to enjoy with them on their next visit.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in customer service, and every day I send 20 or so emails saying, "So-and-so, your order for X has been processed ..."

Often my emails receive no response, but sometimes the recipient replies, "Thank you!" or "Thank you."

When he/she includes the exclamation point, I usually reply, "You're welcome!" so as to match the sender's punctuation. However, I never know what to write when someone omits punctuation or uses a period.

"You're welcome" sounds kind of flat and could be seen as sarcastic or irritated. Is it rude to refrain from responding? Should I nix the "You're welcome" for impersonal situations? I don't want to annoy people by blowing up their inbox with pointless pleasantries.

GENTLE READER: There are those who feel that "unnecessary" courtesies pose a mortal threat to cyberspace, but Miss Manners is not among them.

Recognizing that you are in customer service, Miss Manners would like to introduce you to the Reasonable Person -- who does not read special meaning into a period at the end of a sentence. She trusts that a customer who takes time to write "Thank you" will not be incensed by your replying "You are welcome" (thus settling the punctuation dilemma).

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will be throwing my son a "going to college" party. Is it tacky to register for gifts and put the stores on the invitations?

GENTLE READER: Have you been besieged by people asking you what your son would like to have at college?

Presumably, these would be people whose children you help support. Even so, Miss Manners advises you to answer them individually when they beg to know what to contribute rather than pressuring others by distributing solicitations.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had the good fortune to both go to the U.S. and have American visitors here in Sweden many times. I love the U.S., the American hospitality and the positive attitude that most seem to have, except regarding one thing that I don't know how to address:

So many have a negative attitude about their own country, calling themselves ignorant, lacking any form of refinement or culture and, even worse, presuming that I, as a European, should share their negativity about the U.S.

I tell them that I go there because I love the country, that I think American novelists, playwrights, directors and so on may be the most influential of all, and that I am happy to learn about historical landmarks and so on.

Yet I very often get things like, "This is the oldest building in this town, but I guess it is nothing to you." (I have three 1,000-year-old churches within walking distance, but am still just as impressed by what I get to see in the U.S.)

I am happy to talk about American politics -- in general and with a positive attitude -- but often get to hear how bad it is, and how embarrassing it is that they don't know anything about our government, even though I say it is natural, since American politics affect the whole world, whereas we are a very small country in the outskirts of Europe.

Sometimes it seems that the only way to get out of it is to say, "Yes, I guess you are right, the U.S. sucks." Then they would surely change their tune, but I refuse to go there.

GENTLE READER: Wouldn't you think that there is enough lamentable anti-Americanism in the world that Americans wouldn't want to add to it?

But what you describe, and Miss Manners deplores, is a peculiarly old sense of inferiority, echoing the sneers of Europeans two centuries ago, when the United States, as a "young country," was denigrated as rough, ignorant, uncultured and ill-behaved.

Considering that America was then represented abroad by such people as Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin, it was not an observant assumption. It is even less so now that the American arts are world-class.

Jingoism is also offensive, Miss Manners hastens to add. Those who boastingly claim that everything is perfect in their country, whatever it is, are as unpleasant as they are unbelievable.

But Miss Manners asks you to consider that people who air specific complaints, political or otherwise, may not be guilty of either extreme. Feeling free to dissent -- and to grouse -- is actually a point of pride in America. It is the generalized dismissal of the country that Miss Manners finds offensive, as you do.

She hopes that when you hear such talk, you will gently counter it with your own more informed views.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I properly introduce the divorced parents of the groom?

GENTLE READER: They've already met.

Oh, you mean to other people. "This is Zachary's mother ..." "This is Zachary's father ..." along with their names.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)