DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few weeks ago, a friend of mine died. She had been ill a long time and her passing was expected. Her children were at the funeral, of course, along with several cousins from out of town.

About a week after the funeral I looked at the Facebook pages of these individuals, hoping to see some mention of my friend and perhaps some kind words about her.

I was surprised to see that the cousins referred to their visit to our city as "my vacation," with no reference to the funeral. They posted pictures showing themselves having a fine time clubbing, dancing and generally enjoying themselves.

My friend's children were shown with them, also enjoying themselves. I was taken aback by this. I hope my kids have the time of their lives, but not the same week as my funeral. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: This is the problem, Miss Manners finds, with posting pictures of one's social life for all to see. You can be caught doing so many unbecoming things that may (or may not) be taken out of context.

Mourning behavior comes in different forms and in different time frames. That your friend's children were not constantly somber during the week after her death is human nature. That they were caught looking that way is the nature of social media.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My pregnant wife of 2 1/2 months just had a miscarriage. Most friends and family members knew of the pregnancy.

When we announced the miscarriage, most expressed their sorrow through religious overtones. Though my wife is religious, I am not. I found it offensive that the loss of our baby gave way to people's own religious opinions on why we lost the baby. I even had one relative tell me that this happened because I didn't believe enough.

Outside a church, what should be the proper way to express one's sorrow without getting on one's own religious soapbox and assuming everybody has your same beliefs?

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, this sort of outrageous and cruel reaction is not confined just to the religious. Miss Manners finds that the art of blaming the victim when it comes to health issues is rampant. She supposes that its equally unpleasant motive comes from its issuers wanting to feel that they are somehow exempt from the health issue at hand. Inside or outside of church, all that is needed in a situation such as yours is a simple, "I'm so sorry."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our son got married two years ago. He is coming home in July for a few days. I want to give them a wedding reception for our friends and family to get to know what a wonderful person his wife is, and to see their 8-month-old twin boys. What would I call this kind of gathering?

GENTLE READER? A welcome-home party. Or better yet, a party to give your son, daughter-in-law and grandchildren an opportunity to meet your friends and other relatives. Miss Manners does not care to speculate about why you thought to call this a wedding reception.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Although I would like to classify myself as middle-aged, it appears that I am "old-fashioned." I do not have a cellphone. I do not have caller identification. I do not have an answering machine.

When I receive a phone call, I have no technological assistance in identifying the caller. My parents instructed me to always begin a phone call by identifying myself, such as: "This is Kristen; may I speak with ..."

This practice seems to have fallen out of date. When I answer the phone, very few of my callers introduce themselves.

Although I do recognize the voices of family and close friends, there are many callers whose voice is unfamiliar, prompting me to ask, "With whom am I speaking?" My question is often followed with a pause, as if I have just insulted the caller by not recognizing their voice or their identity.

Have the rules changed? Is it still appropriate to identify oneself at the commencement of a phone call?

GENTLE READER: It is always polite to identify oneself, but in these days of nearly ubiquitous caller identification, people have begun to assume that the technology has done that for them. The caller may not even realize he is being rude.

Miss Manners suggests that you defuse the situation by invoking a problem that even those with the very latest technology will understand: "Excuse me, but I'm having some problem on this end -- who's calling, please?" They will assume it has to do with poor reception, weak battery life and other such up-to-date travails.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I ask co-workers visiting my area not to sit on my desk or table behind my desk? I often eat lunch at my desk, and eating my meal where someone sat is unappealing. I do not have room to add a guest chair, so that is not an option. I don't understand why someone thinks it acceptable to park their rear on my workspace.

GENTLE READER: Are there papers or books on your desk? If there are not, Miss Manners suggests you add some.

You can then realize that you need to refer to one of these items while a co-worker is visiting. The second or third time you have politely relocated visitors, they will begin to catch on. But you might also invest in a folding chair that can be propped against the wall near the entrance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it polite to be 15 minutes late?

GENTLE READER: To what?

Your wedding? No.

A film? Yes, if you are not meeting anyone and are annoyed by the advertisements and previews.

A dinner party? Fourteen minutes would pass muster, but for 15, only if you come in looking stricken with a boring story about the traffic, the late baby sitter and having forgotten to charge your cellular telephone.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude, or simply not appropriate, to congratulate other people's mothers on Mother's Day?

I've been dating "George" for 10 years, and he never congratulates me on Mother's Day. When I asked why he has never said "Happy Mother's Day" to me, he replied that for him it is awkward to congratulate anyone other than his own mother. He went on to say that that's the way he and his friends were reared.

I'm a mother of two wonderful kids; he's very close to them, too, and always points out what a wonderful mother I am. I'm from another country and don't know if this is part of the American culture or just him.

GENTLE READER: Personally, Miss Manners believes that Mother's Day is rather an oddity. As her own dear mother put it: Is there a day of the year in which mothers need NOT be honored, respected and brought breakfast in bed?

Still, it may be useful to have a holiday in which mothers did not have the job of reminding their children to be grateful, and to focus enough to devise suitable presents. (The answer continued to be handmade ceramic ashtrays long after mothers had ceased to smoke, but we trust that era has passed.)

Now, however, apparently many mothers have resumed that job. Over the last decade, Miss Manners has had increasing mail from mothers complaining about not receiving Mother's Day honors -- not just from their own children, but from others.

First it was the fathers, who at any rate were responsible for guiding young children's response, so it didn't seem a stretch to expect them to participate on their own. They could use the occasion to reflect that if it weren't for the mothers, they would have to do this on every holiday.

But then the demands widened. Bitterness was expressed that non-resident fathers had foregone the opportunity, and that stepfathers and resident partners had not taken it up. Then, as you noticed, it spread to non-resident gentlemen, to the point where you speculate that this might be an American custom.

But when letters began coming in from mothers who were angry that their own mothers and mothers-in-law did not use the occasion to pay them obeisance, Miss Manners' patience ended.

Perhaps it should not have been unexpected in an era when people now routinely throw parties in their own honor. If mothers want to teach their children to express gratitude, they can demonstrate it by their own behavior to their own mothers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have days to honor reproductivity -- Mother's Day, Father's Day, Children's Day. But considering that the world is faced with a population explosion, which is a serious factor in global warming, we need to balance the days honoring reproductivity with a day honoring "Adults who are productive but not reproductive." (You may be able to come up with a better label.)

Then a childless woman who has been wished a Happy Mother's Day can come back with wishing others a Happy Productive (but not Reproductive) Day!

GENTLE READER: Please allow Miss Manners to discourage you before you propose countering Veterans Day with a holiday for Those Who Didn't Serve, and Labor Day with one for Those Who Never Lift a Finger.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)