DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude, or simply not appropriate, to congratulate other people's mothers on Mother's Day?

I've been dating "George" for 10 years, and he never congratulates me on Mother's Day. When I asked why he has never said "Happy Mother's Day" to me, he replied that for him it is awkward to congratulate anyone other than his own mother. He went on to say that that's the way he and his friends were reared.

I'm a mother of two wonderful kids; he's very close to them, too, and always points out what a wonderful mother I am. I'm from another country and don't know if this is part of the American culture or just him.

GENTLE READER: Personally, Miss Manners believes that Mother's Day is rather an oddity. As her own dear mother put it: Is there a day of the year in which mothers need NOT be honored, respected and brought breakfast in bed?

Still, it may be useful to have a holiday in which mothers did not have the job of reminding their children to be grateful, and to focus enough to devise suitable presents. (The answer continued to be handmade ceramic ashtrays long after mothers had ceased to smoke, but we trust that era has passed.)

Now, however, apparently many mothers have resumed that job. Over the last decade, Miss Manners has had increasing mail from mothers complaining about not receiving Mother's Day honors -- not just from their own children, but from others.

First it was the fathers, who at any rate were responsible for guiding young children's response, so it didn't seem a stretch to expect them to participate on their own. They could use the occasion to reflect that if it weren't for the mothers, they would have to do this on every holiday.

But then the demands widened. Bitterness was expressed that non-resident fathers had foregone the opportunity, and that stepfathers and resident partners had not taken it up. Then, as you noticed, it spread to non-resident gentlemen, to the point where you speculate that this might be an American custom.

But when letters began coming in from mothers who were angry that their own mothers and mothers-in-law did not use the occasion to pay them obeisance, Miss Manners' patience ended.

Perhaps it should not have been unexpected in an era when people now routinely throw parties in their own honor. If mothers want to teach their children to express gratitude, they can demonstrate it by their own behavior to their own mothers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have days to honor reproductivity -- Mother's Day, Father's Day, Children's Day. But considering that the world is faced with a population explosion, which is a serious factor in global warming, we need to balance the days honoring reproductivity with a day honoring "Adults who are productive but not reproductive." (You may be able to come up with a better label.)

Then a childless woman who has been wished a Happy Mother's Day can come back with wishing others a Happy Productive (but not Reproductive) Day!

GENTLE READER: Please allow Miss Manners to discourage you before you propose countering Veterans Day with a holiday for Those Who Didn't Serve, and Labor Day with one for Those Who Never Lift a Finger.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a switch that goes off when people announce a pregnancy and that sends out the "I can't be friends with you anymore" alarm?

During my pregnancy, and now my first few months of motherhood, I've noticed people removing me from social media without notice, texting less, or even just ignoring me for a week or month, then getting a "Don't you have a baby now?" as a response to an invitation.

Last time I ate lunch with one of my girlfriends, she said, "It's weird seeing you as a mom. I just ... I dunno, man, you've changed! Not in a bad way! It's just hard to see it." And she left without saying goodbye. I got a text saying maybe I changed too much.

Does becoming a parent change a woman that much? Do I need to make new friends? My heart hurts. I feel like myself, still geeky, cheeky me, just with a son to look after as well.

GENTLE READER: It strikes Miss Manners that it is your friends who have changed. At least she hopes so, as she trusts that you would not otherwise have kept friends who treated you so poorly.

Furthermore, they are extremely short-sighted. Surely at some point they will experience a change in their own lives (new job, romance, pet, marriage, baby) that temporarily disrupts their social schedules.

Certainly, there is an adjustment period during new parenthood when one's schedule and attention span are no longer one's own. Some mothers are able to handle this while maintaining a pleasant social life with friends who are childless (or unable to remember when their own children were babies). And some new mothers become incapable of carrying on an adult conversation that doesn't concern a baby's bodily functions or require frequent interruptions for general panic, which is wearing even on sympathetic friends.

For a sensible mix of grown-up and baby talk, it is a good idea to make new friends of new mothers. But even if you get out less, you should certainly keep those of your old friends who really are friends and enjoy you at whatever stage of life you may happen to be.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Miss Manners has been quite clear that throwing a party for oneself is out of the question. What is her opinion, then, of celebrations of life, hosted by those who are terminally ill, as a pre-funeral or instead of a funeral? Is it in bad taste to attend your own funeral while still alive?

GENTLE READER: Well, yes. And technically impossible.

Miss Manners is not unsympathetic to the situation, however. If someone who is terminally ill would like to celebrate with friends -- also known as just having a party -- he may certainly do so.

There is no reason to give the party an alarming name. Those who know the person well may suspect the motivation, but yet be as grateful as those who do not, to not have to call it what it is -- especially if the intent is to celebrate and not to mourn.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm one spouse in a biracial, same-sex marriage. It really rips me when waitpersons don't pick up on the fact that my husband and I are a couple (let alone spouses) and ask us whether we want separate checks. So much so that I make a significant deduction to their tip (up to 50 percent if they've done something else to annoy me).

I realize this isn't teaching them anything, but short of trying to engage an already annoying person in additional unwanted chatter, what can I do to make myself feel better about the situation? Do you have any thoughts, please?

GENTLE READER: Chiefly that you stop overthinking this.

How, exactly, would you propose teaching service people to recognize that two people, of whatever race or gender, are a couple? Eavesdropping to discover if they are discussing whether the washing machine should be fixed or replaced? Checking to see if they are playing footsie under the table?

And what if they are a couple, unmarried or married, who keep separate accounts? Or one of them is taking the other out for a special treat?

Sadly, Miss Manners shouldn't think you would have to work that hard to find evidence of prejudice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Working at a restaurant in a small tourist town, I find myself and my co-workers constantly being photographed. Some people will ask first and, depending on how busy I am, I will oblige.

Is it rude for people to snap shots of their server, cashier, etc., or is it just part of working in the service industry?

GENTLE READER: It is rude to interrupt someone who is working with non-work-related matters, but it is not unreasonable to expect that at tourist destinations, photography is part of the service. If it bothers you, Miss Manners recommends that for the customers who do not ask permission, you find a way to be inadvertently looking the other direction at something work-related.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I volunteered to drive a neighbor's daughter to school due to my neighbor's sickness, and have been doing so all year.

The young lady is consistently late and makes us wait outside 5 to 10 minutes each morning. I have other children to drive who need to be on time, as well as myself for work.

Is it too much of me to expect the young lady to be ready to leave at the appropriate time? I feel bad leaving without her, but one morning I had to.

GENTLE READER: Repeat if necessary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: So many times, as I am leaving the office, a certain co-worker will start up a conversation. It won't be about anything specific, or work-related (or interesting), but she will start talking and keep talking.

I am usually more interested in going home to relax than in chitchat. Is there a polite way to say, "Shut up, I want to go home"?

GENTLE READER: "I'm so sorry, but I must get going now. Let's pick this up tomorrow." Miss Manners assures you that if you do this -- without, in fact, picking it up tomorrow -- your co-worker will not follow you home.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)