DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in an apartment with three other girls, all of whom are in romantic relationships. Due to this, each of them feels the need for constant "alone time" with her significant other.

My roommate and her beau take up our bedroom, another couple takes up the other bedroom, and the last couple takes up the living room. The living room boy sleeps beside his girl all night, every night, on the couch, and my roommate's boy stays until the early morning hours.

This leaves nowhere in the apartment for me to work, relax or sleep. I've spent a few months sleeping on the floor downstairs most nights because my roommate's boy wouldn't leave, and even the couch was taken.

Last year, two of my best friends started dating, and they spent most of their time in the living room with the rest of us. They had their alone time, but it wasn't constant.

I've asked the couch boy if he would go home at night, but he simply becomes angry with me. My roommate keeps promising that she'll send her boy home at a decent hour, but the promises are, clearly, unbinding.

To worsen things, any complaint of these circumstances is passed over as my "bitterness" toward relationships (my own dear friend is pursuing the church, otherwise he and I would be in a serious romantic relationship).

I have no bitterness; I just want to go to bed, or read a book without being in the way.

GENTLE READER: You are paying rent, correct? And yet you aren't being permitted to sleep on a reasonable surface -- or read?

This seems to Miss Manners to violate the terms of any living contract, not to mention friendship. (Don't these boys have homes of their own?)

Keep it businesslike, as you would for sharing rent and utilities. Propose a schedule and stick to it. If they balk at the resulting lack of spontaneity, propose that you then spontaneously pay less, as you are getting less than your fair share of the apartment. And start saving up that money to move out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Often in social and business situations, a male acquaintance will say something like, "Where is your lesser half?" (obviously referring to my husband, who certainly isn't lesser or half), or ask him, "How did you end up with someone like her?" (foolishly implying by tone that he is somehow inferior).

The intention of such comments seems to be an attempt at a compliment to me, but it upsets me because my husband is an extraordinary person. I have always ignored the rudeness, but I feel like I should say something in his defense. What would Miss Manners do?

GENTLE READER: Ah, yes, that gallant compliment that questions your taste and judgment to declare that you married beneath you.

Miss Manners does not recommend treating these thoughtless cliches as attacks on your husband, or even yourself, but as the puzzling statements they are. "Lesser? What do you mean?" or "Yes, aren't we both lucky?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is a business manager at work who always answers and keeps his phone in speaker mode. He does not do that to his boss -- just everyone else. I feel it is rude to keep the phone in speaker mode when you are in a one-on-one conversation. When I ask him to pick up, he refuses. I may start off a call in speaker mode just to get through the button pushing, but when a person picks up, I always pick up the handset. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: If you object to the sound quality when the speaker mode is used, Miss Manners suggests you apologize and explain that you cannot understand what is being said. If you object to being overheard by people in the next cubicle, explain that what you have to say is sensitive.

If you feel that someone on a speakerphone is apt to be "multi-tasking" -- a modern word coined to replace the phrase "not paying attention" -- you are most likely right. But alas, Miss Manners does not recommend ordering your manager to pay attention.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 62-year-old woman, and I often drop by a neighborhood restaurant for lunch. I was sitting in a booth reading and waiting for my meal when I felt a sharp jab in the middle of my back. A man in his 60s or 70s, sitting with two women behind me, had punched me by leaning over the top of the booth.

I was shocked and surprised to say the least. I decided to move to the other seat at my table. This is obviously what he hoped for when he hit me, because he put one arm over the booth and dangled it down on my previous seat.

The punch was not serious, but it was certainly felt by me. What should I do if this ever happens again?

GENTLE READER: Scream.

Had this been some sort of accident, and your assailant run over to apologize, you could then have explained that you screamed because you were startled. If it was done with the bizarre intention of making you move, you could have left him to explain to onlookers why he would hit another diner.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best way to discuss bad table manners with subordinates? Our work entails many meetings with clients, and I have observed and heard slurping, smacking of lips and shoveling in food like they are starving -- plus talking with their mouths full. It is extremely embarrassing and offensive.

GENTLE READER: It is rude to correct another's manners. However, as there is no way to change your subordinates' behavior without correcting their manners, what you are looking for is someone else to blame.

Miss Manners recommends the absent client. Most employees are smart enough to accept the face-saving device that manners, like dress, must be "professional," and not take it as an outrageous restriction of their freedom to be offensive and badly groomed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My very dear aunt has a hobby of making homemade greeting cards that she sends to some of her friends and family. The cards are usually very nice, but she doesn't really make enough of them to make selling them online very worthwhile. She sends a bunch to Operation Write Home, but she still ends up with more cards than she knows what to do with.

I suggested that she could send them to random people in the phone book and make their day (who doesn't want to get something nice in the mail that's not a bill?), but she thinks it would be creepy. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That if you want to prescribe (or practice) what are known as random acts of kindness, you show a bit more consideration for the targeted recipients.

If you received a greeting card from a stranger, or an unsigned one, would you really go all glowy with the thought that there is a greater supply out there of human kindness, and that you are fortunate to have been touched by it?

That may describe the reaction of those who find that their toll or drinks have been paid anonymously. But Miss Manners can think of far more likely reactions to a randomly sent card:

(1) That it is an advertisement, not worth the attention to try to discover for what.

(2) That it was misdirected, and the intended recipient will have been cheated of whatever pleasure it might have brought.

(3) "Why can't I remember who this person is? How am I supposed to reciprocate when I can't figure out who this is? Someone's trying to be nice to me, and I'm going to come off as rude."

Therefore, Miss Manners would consider it a randomly distributed favor for you to spare these people, and to suggest to your aunt that she find additional charities that would be grateful to receive cards for their clients to use.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If someone at the table asks for the butter, do you hand them the butter and the butter knife? Like how salt and pepper get handed together?

GENTLE READER: Even more so. The custom of passing the salt and pepper together (besides the fact that they are a close couple) presumes that both may be wanted, even if only one was requested.

But Miss Manners asks you to picture the plight of the diner who has the butter but no butter knife. The only person looking more foolish would be the one who is holding the orphaned butter knife.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am about to send out housewarming invitations, and I'm having an issue as to whether I should include registry information.

I know that normally this is tacky, but my engagement party never happened thanks to Superstorm Sandy. I planned my wedding in two weeks to make sure my dad could walk me down the aisle before starting his second round of chemo. I never had a shower.

GENTLE READER: If anything is tackier than instructing your guests to do your shopping at their expense, it is tallying up your missed opportunities to do so. Miss Manners is sorry for your past misfortunes, but please do not ask others to compensate you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)