DEAR MISS MANNERS: A professor in our department took leave in order to give birth. When we heard the happy news that a baby girl had been born, I commented, "I wonder if she plans to bring her in?" Of course, it is always exciting to see a new baby.

One of our colleagues replied, "She already HAS brought her in," clearly meaning that the lady had come in to the office while still pregnant. This colleague is known to be the only fundamentalist Christian in the building.

I'm not sure if he was trying to be funny or to make a political statement. I was stunned into silence. Is there anything one could possibly say to something like this?

GENTLE READER: Given the choice between treating it as a joke and running the risk of hearing a full discussion of this person's beliefs, Miss Manners would manage to produce a weak smile. And she might add, "But I didn't have a chance to chuck the baby under the chin!"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are meeting our newly engaged son's future in-laws for dinner at a restaurant soon. Is it appropriate to present them with a token gift?

GENTLE READER: You are already giving their daughter your son. Miss Manners would think that anything more would suggest undue gratitude and relief.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my brother, whom I had not seen in two years, came home for his 40th class reunion, the entire family wanted to get together with him, as he was here for only a long weekend.

I planned a barbecue dinner for all of us for the night before his reunion and placed an order with a famous restaurant. We were to eat at 6:30 p.m. At 2:20 p.m. that same day, he sent a group text saying, "At (another famous barbecue place); order (from a pizza place) for dinner."

I was furious that four hours prior to our planned barbecue dinner, he would go eat the very thing we were serving. My sister was also with him during the outing, so two out of the six people in attendance for our 6:30 dinner had just consumed the same meal less than four hours earlier.

They were totally kidding about the pizza part, and my brother says he'll eat barbecue to his heart's content whenever he gets the chance. But my sister and I really got into it over this, and she disagrees with me completely. I asked her if, for example, she'd invited me over for her famous pork chops, would she not be irritated when I texted at 2:20 p.m. that day that I was at a local restaurant eating THEIR famous pork chops? She claims she wouldn't care at all, but I don't believe her for a second. Who is right here?

GENTLE READER: Right about what? Whether your sister would care if you ate the same meal twice in one day?

Miss Manners couldn't say. If both your sister and brother insist that they would enjoy the redundancy, then you must take them at their word. But then you might try out the pork chop plan to see if they mean it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am looking for an appropriate way to uninvite someone to a corporate event. The guest list has been revised, and I need to uninvite five guests.

GENTLE READER: If this were a social function, Miss Manners would have to tell you that there is no polite way to rescind a proffered invitation. In contrast, revising the list of attendees to a work meeting carries no such ban.

It seems clear that the event in question follows the unfortunate practice of blurring the boundary between professional and private life. Your only hope is to reassert the distinction.

This will be easier to do if the uninvitees are employees who were "working" the event, since -- after you explain and apologize -- you may be able to suggest that their workload is being reduced. If, however, you have spent the past few months telling everyone that this event is fun and not work -- of if these are outside guests -- you would do better to locate five more chairs.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work with my mother, who happens to be my "boss." In what way would it be best to address her while in the workplace?

GENTLE READER: Address her as you would an employer who did not rear you, which among other things, Miss Manners points out, means omitting those quotation marks.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a super busy year with a wedding and grad party, but my daughter doesn't really want to waste the time with a grad party because all of our family has to travel, and we want to focus the traveling on the wedding.

But I want to acknowledge her graduation and hope that people would send a gift even though we are not having a party. Honestly, it's to save them the extra travel.

Is there a way to word this appropriately on a card? "Our daughter is graduating, but we want to save you the travel, but please acknowledge her anyway." Just kidding, what is the best way to handle this?

GENTLE READER: Of course Miss Manners understands that you are kidding. How could there be a polite way to tell people that you are doing them a favor by not offering to entertain them, but that they should not consider that an excuse to skip rewarding your daughter for finishing school?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: People often ask what I do for a living, and when I reply, they say, "Oh! You must love that!"

I do not like my job, nor do I like talking about it. When I give the answer, "No, not really," they insist on knowing why that could possibly be, and then try to point out the merits of my job.

How can I fend off the questions and avoid this topic of conversation?

GENTLE READER: By resisting the temptation to give a leading answer. Miss Manners suggests keeping your answer short -- "yes" -- and changing the subject. But if you prefer to avoid a white lie, answer a different question. Nod your head distractedly and reply, "Ah, yes," while thinking -- but not saying -- "I can see how you would think that."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 19-year-old stepdaughter has been invited to a formal dinner dance and asked me to teach her etiquette, so I planned a family dinner using all my fine china, silver, crystal, etc. It was a good opportunity to give some pointers that the children weren't clear on.

However, a situation came up with her sister that I didn't know the answer to. She has some physical limitations using one arm, so she has gotten into the habit of using her fingers to tear her meat since cutting is difficult for her. I felt sure that using her fingers wasn't appropriate, but didn't know what other options she might try. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: Many people now believe that any medical problem, physical or psychological, is a valid excuse for ignoring the customs and expectations of society. Miss Manners is not among them.

However sympathetic society may be, it recoils from such obvious violations of established convention as eating meat with one's hands. It is all very well to say that it shouldn't, but it does. And that is even on the part of people who are aware of the problem.

This leaves the young lady with the choice of broadcasting her difficulty at every shared meal, in the hope that this will draw enough sympathy to counter an adverse reaction (although she can hardly notify everyone at a large gathering), or deciding that she doesn't care if others assume that she is merely grossly unmannered.

Miss Manners would think it preferable to avoid eating food she cannot manage when dining out socially, or, at restaurants, requesting that her meat be cut in the kitchen.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A man I connected with online invited me to meet him at a restaurant bar. I ordered a glass of wine. As the conversation ensued, his comments were racist, anti-Semitic, sexist, materialistic, and finally insulting to me and my values.

I stood up and said I was leaving. He said that I should pay for my wine. I said no, because he invited me. I left him with the bill. What do you think??

GENTLE READER: That sticking him with the bill would not be nearly as satisfactory as flinging down money on the table, with the clear intention that you consider the price of ridding yourself of him to be worth it. But, then, Miss Manners considers the high-handed insult to have more dignity than the lowly one.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We've been invited to a wedding where the bride wants it "off the grid." She is planning on having 120 guests and has asked that no one bring a camera or take photos with their cellphones. I'd like to hear your comments.

GENTLE READER: One is, "Well, good for her." Another is that Miss Manners considers it a shame to have to instruct one's guests that a wedding ceremony is a solemn rite to which they should be paying quiet attention, and that a wedding reception is a celebration at which they should be socializing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)