DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please counsel the polite customer as to the proper way to answer the question often posed by restaurant waiters, "How is everything?" when the honest answer may not be entirely complimentary.

GENTLE READER: Waiters tend to believe that the question is a polite convention -- the professional equivalent of "How are you? -- not meant to be taken literally.

And many customers believe it is an invitation to deliver a lengthy review of the service, the setting and the soup.

Believing that Civilized Behavior trumps Truth No Matter the Cost, Miss Manners eschews both extremes. It is permissible to raise issues that the server can address. These include, "Thank you, the steak appears to be lovely, but I ordered the salmon," and, "Fine, thank you, would it be possible to get the check now?"

They do not include detailed critiques of the choice of ingredients.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it inappropriate to give a co-worker his wedding gift at the office? The wedding will take place in his hometown, and it didn't make sense to take the gift all the way there, when he will have to transport it all the way back here where he lives.

GENTLE READER: Delivering a present at a wedding, when Miss Manners hopes that the recipients' minds are otherwise occupied, is never correct. But delivering it at work may also be inconvenient, not only because your co-worker would have to lug it on his commute home, but also because it may cause him problems with co-workers who were not invited to the wedding.

Traditionally, wedding presents sent before the ceremony are mailed to the bride's home, but as he is the one you know, you may mail it to his home and presume that he will share it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I experienced going with my mom to a first appointment with a new doctor, he had his cellphone on the table between us, and every time it rang, he checked to see who it was.

On the second visit, his phone was again on his desk, and upon checking it, he said, "Arizona?" and proceeded to answer it. Then he had the nerve to tell us it was a robo call.

I asked him why he felt it necessary to even have the cellphone on when he is seeing a patient. His response was, "It might be a doctor."

He did keep his cellphone on -- it rang twice more. But he didn't answer either of those calls. Just the ringing was very distracting to all of us.

I couldn't believe that he did not see the rudeness in all of this. We have no plans to ever see him again. (Unfortunately, he founded a doctors' cancer group --hopefully the rest of his group is not as rude!)

GENTLE READER: His behavior was not just rude, but unwise in tacitly admitting to his belief that doctors outrank patients. Miss Manners will be on the lookout for the inevitable complaint from this very same doctor when his patients emulate his behavior.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNER: I decided I wanted to spend a milestone birthday in the company of some friends. I invited each attendee via individual email, booked a private room in my favorite restaurant and planned a menu that all enjoyed. It was a merry occasion; the wine flowed.

Upon the evening's conclusion, friends asked how much "their end" was, and I politely declined, assuring them it was my pleasure and happily footing the entire bill. There was no expectation of gifts (few attendees brought one).

May I ask if you in any way perceive my actions --throwing what you criticize as a "selfie party" -- to have been in bad taste?

GENTLE READER: On the contrary, Miss Manners congratulates you for having violated the horrid customs that now characterize the selfie party:

You did not expect your guests to pay for the privilege of honoring you. You planned the menu for their pleasure, not just to indulge in your favorites, without regard to what they might enjoy. And evidently you did not broadcast expectations of presents that you hoped to receive.

In fact, you seem to have harbored the wish that your guests actually would enjoy themselves, rather than that they simply pay you obeisance. That such travesties of hospitality are normal now is evidenced in the surprised reaction on the part of your guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My cleaning lady, who has come to us twice a month for several years, is a nice lady, though our relationship is not particularly cozy. We exchange pleasantries when she arrives, and then I stay out of her way. (Honestly, I've never quite become comfortable with the elitist notion of someone else cleaning my toilets!)

For the past few months, her mother has been seriously ill and hospitalized. Before each cleaning, I ask after her mother's condition, and she tells me in some detail. She is clearly very tired, stressed and sad.

I would love to do something nice for her, but don't know what would be appropriate. She's not yet "bereaved," so those usual gestures -- flowers, a note of sympathy -- don't seem appropriate. But I would like to brighten her day a bit, and give her something she could use or that would bring cheer. Would a small gift be appropriate? A paid week off? I'm at a loss.

GENTLE READER: No, you're not. It just took you a moment to come up with the right answer.

Surely there is nothing that a tired, stressed and sad person could use as much as a week off with pay. Miss Manners commends you for your graciousness in offering that.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If you are invited to a potluck party, and you know the hosting couple have been vegetarian for two years, is it acceptable to bring a dish that contains meat?

GENTLE READER: No, but why would you even consider doing so? For an easy-to-answer query, Miss Manners finds this disturbing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: They say it's better to have hooked and lost than to have never hooked at all. We all search for our soul mates. We all look for someone to grow old with.

One day I hope to sit in my rocking chair holding the hand of the girl I love and know that I lived a full life. I want to know that I took chances and grabbed onto every opportunity that came my way.

Several months ago, I met a beautiful blond girl in Rome. We had a connection that was much deeper than anything I've ever felt before. She was intelligent, kind and classy.

In a world where values are often thrown overboard, she showed me something rare. I met an angel that morning at the Vatican.

There are millions of fish in the sea. I know this girl was an American, but I don't know exactly where she's from. Social media allow us to cast a bigger net than any other time in history. I have the resources to make some pretty big waves, but I can't do it all by myself. Do I cast that net, or do I turn my boat around and find someplace else to fish?

GENTLE READER: You had better hope that the angel in question enjoys fishing as much as you do.

There is nothing inherently wrong with using reasonable available means to locate her to see if she feels as you do. In a less technological time, it used to be called "asking around," and it was done in social circles rather than on social media. We change with the times.

However, Miss Manners implores you to refrain from continuing this unflattering analogy of courtship to hooking fish. It will not benefit you in any social form.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While I was visiting a major European museum recently, a guard told me that I looked angry.

I had not made eye contact with the guard, nor did I ask for his advice. He said that my facial expression made him think I was angry.

I believe it is not the guard's function to comment on what he perceived to be my emotional state. When he made his comment, I was not near any paintings, nor was I even talking. I think it is the guard's job to protect the paintings, not act as my psychologist.

As it happens, I had just fallen off of a bike and was in pain, not angry. Some people think it was within the guard's role to comment on my facial expression. I disagree.

GENTLE READER: It is not even the guard's job to critique the art, much less the people who come to see it. If he was worried that your facial expression meant that you were in severe distress, he could have asked if everything was all right. If he thought it suggested that you had ill intentions toward the art, he should have kept an eye on you in case you produced a spray can.

Miss Manners considers it a loathsome intrusion to make assumptions about the emotional states of strangers, typically demanding that they go around smiling. Do the others whom you have consulted really believe that the way to spread happiness is to complain about passing faces?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)