DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is a polite, respectful and kind-hearted child. As my mother before me, we only use the terms "Yes, ma'am" and "No, ma'am" to much older ladies and gentlemen. A simple "yes" or "no" spoken in kindness was always sufficient.

In my nephew's home (my son's cousins), the expectation is for their children to use the ma'am/sir terms for every person and for every possible scenario -- ad nauseum. They are charged a quarter every single time they do not.

I view the cousins as little robots who speak few words other than the constant "Yes, ma'am, no, sir," etc. What is your view on this?

I told my son to respect their home and try his best to please his aunt and uncle when he visits (When in Rome, do as the Romans do). I honestly believe that Southerners have really gone overboard on this.

GENTLE READER: Robotic? Do they say "sir" and "ma'am" to the cat and dog? Is that the way they address their playmates?

Miss Manners suspects that the cousins are being reared on pretty much the same system that you taught your son, with the difference, perhaps, that you do not require him to address grown-up relatives that way. And she hopes that you do not give him the job of distinguishing among older and younger grown-ups; everyone looks old to a child.

But please control your nausea. Certain polite forms are best mastered in the automatic way you call robotic. It is always a great moment for parents when, after years of "Say 'Thank you,' dear" and "Do you mean, can you PLEASE have that?" the right words come out of the child's mouth without his or her having to think about them.

And by the way, if there is any part of the country that suffers from an excess of etiquette, Miss Manners has not had the good fortune to encounter it. Fortunately, she does often encounter polite individuals everywhere, and she would not dream of trying to discourage them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had cosmetic surgery two weeks ago and have been out of social circulation since then. When questioned, my sister answered that I had "a surgical procedure" and that I was fine.

Last night, an acquaintance telephoned me to ask, "What kind of surgery did you have?" I was not prepared for such an intrusive question and gave more information than I intended. The acquaintance is not a discreet person, obviously. How could I have answered her without causing animosity or even more curiosity?

GENTLE READER: "It was very minor." (Miss Manners assures you that this is not a lie: The medical definition of major surgery is when a body cavity is opened.) "You're a dear to worry about me, but I'm fine. Now tell me how you are."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am horrified and disgusted that electronic invitations have changed the nature of offering hospitality. It is particularly distasteful to view a guest list and the responses from each, whether responding Yes, No or Maybe.

Since when is "maybe" a legitimate RSVP?

I, personally, refuse to respond through one of those buttons. Therefore, my response does not show on the website, causing my name to stand out as one who has not answered.

Silly and embarrassing, isn't it? Your thoughts, please, on this outrageous application as a tool for invitations.

GENTLE READER: Electronic invitations would be fine for very informal events, if only they did not encourage rudeness.

The ones you describe do. "Maybe" is not an acceptable answer. Nor should there be any way for the guests to scrutinize the guest list or the other responses.

So Miss Manners assures you that you need not be embarrassed by responding individually. However, if you would like to emphasize your point and make it easier for the host to tally numbers, you could reply "Yes" or "No" as appropriate, and write in the comments, "Please find a written response in the mail."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why are brides so full of themselves these days?

Perhaps because this particular bride, whom I met only once when she was a child, was named after a jewelry store and believes she is the Hope diamond?

In any event, I received an eight-page "Save the Date" booklet from the soon-to-be bride and groom, bragging about their international travels, fine dining, careers and overall passionate love for each other. The couple will be married in a private ceremony at an exotic locale, with receptions for the adoring masses to follow five months later.

This announcement was preceded, earlier this month, by a shower invitation requesting gift cards. How do you suggest I respond to this correspondence? I do not plan to attend either event, as I live out of state.

GENTLE READER: How one responds to beggars generally depends on whether they seem truly in need, and whether they impress you as people who would benefit from your help.

Neither seems to be the case here. Never having heard of a destitute case that involves enjoying fine dining, Miss Manners understands why this fund-raising campaign does not touch your heart.

You need only respond to the shower invitation with a note offering your regret at not being able to attend and your best wishes.

If you receive a formal invitation to a reception, you respond in its style (rather than that of the pitch):

"Ms. Natasha Twimbly

"regrets that she is unable to accept

"the very kind invitation of ( )"

It is not necessary for you to point out to Miss Manners that you actually feel no regret. In fact, you do, but it is regret that people who are not destitute no longer feel ashamed of begging.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse says a gift card is impersonal. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Well, its only attempt at being personal is to indicate, "I know where you shop, but otherwise I haven't the least idea of what you are like or what might please you."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are the 80- and 85-year-old parents of adult children who visit from out of state. I no longer want to provide maid services for them.

Is it inhospitable to ask them to leave the guest bedroom and bathroom/shower as clean as they found it when they arrived? I placed a pail and cleaning products in their bath cabinet.

When we visit friends' homes, I roll up the bed linen and bring used towels to our host's laundry, and clean the toilet and bathroom. What guidelines are acceptable to request of our family?

GENTLE READER: Guessing that your children are at least over 40, Miss Manners thinks you may be a bit late in bringing them up to be good guests.

However, you may still ask them to pick up after themselves when they visit. Scrubbing the bathroom is not the usual guest duty, but it is your house and your children, and surely, they would like to spare you the labor. Hints are not working, and it would be a gratuitous insult to the entire family to suggest that they were badly brought up. Just phrase it as a favor to you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to eat potato chips from a bag in the office?

GENTLE READER: Silently. Miss Manners wishes you good luck with that.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As I was coming down the stairwell of my apartment building on my way to work this morning, I was confronted with a neighbor's dog who "energetically" jumped up on me (twice).

I was startled, to say the least, and really glad I had decided against pantyhose and opted for trousers instead, because he surely would have run them.

The dog's owner was not far behind -- the dog was on one of those stretch leashes -- and witnessed the whole event. To my dismay, rather than offering an apology (e.g., "Gee, I'm sorry my dog jumped up on you"), she defiantly exclaimed, "He's not dangerous or anything -- he's not going to hurt you."

No doubt she adores her pooch and, in her 20-something mindset, could not fathom that another human being would be anything but flattered by its presence, even if it jumped up on you.

My response to her was, "I'm sure he's the nicest dog in the world -- he just likes to jump up on people." But what I wished I had said instead was, "This is the part where you say that you're sorry your dog jumped up on me." Wish I had thought of that in real time, but like I said, I was understandably startled.

GENTLE READER: No. This is when you should express to the owner your hope that her lovely pooch does not get injured jumping up on people he does not know. Miss Manners does not allow you to conduct obedience school for dog owners, however much they need it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it ever appropriate for a person to vacuum while the party is still happening? I am not referring to a quick cleanup of a mishap.

GENTLE READER: Only if the guests have overstayed for so long that the host is desperate to get rid of them. Even then, Miss Manners would much prefer a hearty "So nice of you to come" while fetching their coats.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)