DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a relative who frowns upon family members who allow their babies to use pacifiers.

Beyond chastising the mothers about the matter throughout her visit, she goes further. When the parents aren't looking, she takes the pacifier or pacifiers when she leaves.

The parents are left to care for a crying baby. One baby cried much of the night because of the missing pacifier. The parents did their best, but it was a difficult night. Is it acceptable for one to take a personal preference so far?

GENTLE READER: This goes beyond mere personal preference. This is a misdemeanor. Miss Manners is amazed that the baby didn't press charges.

Unless there is true harm being done to the baby -- and please don't come to Miss Manners with studies about the damage done by pacifiers -- parenting is best left to the parents. And stealing is best left to thieves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Here's one for your book of First World problems:

I enjoy sending greeting cards to family members for birthdays, anniversaries, new babies, etc. But I have two dilemmas.

One: Many of those to whom I send cards do not reciprocate. This does not bother me, but when I see them, they'll say, "Oh, you're so good at remembering my birthday, and I feel guilty because I'm terrible at stuff like that and never send you one."

I usually respond with something like, "Well, my goal in life is to make you feel guilty, so I guess my work here is done." But I'm wondering if I should stop sending them cards to ease their guilt.

Two: My brother and his wife have been married for more than 40 very turbulent years. A year ago, she moved halfway across the country to act as nanny for her pregnant daughter who is in the military and whose husband, also military, is deployed far away.

They now see each other for holidays and child-centered events, and both are much happier and don't seem in any hurry to change the arrangement. Their anniversary is coming up, and I'm puzzled as to whether I send a card to them at their common home address, send each one a separate card, or just skip it altogether, since they don't seem to be bothered about spending the day apart.

GENTLE READER: You do not have to ease anyone's guilt or pay tribute to the true state of someone's marriage in order to send them a greeting card. If you enjoy commemorating occasions, continue to do so.

Of course, Miss Manners assumes that these cards' messages simply honor the event and aren't truth in packaging. "You may not care, but I do" is not an acceptable sentiment. Nor is "Happy estrangement," so one card to the common address will do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a large party yesterday with 100 people responding that they would come. Only 70 showed up.

How do I respond to people who sent me emails this morning saying, "So sorry we couldn't make it. The weekend just got away from us. Hope you had fun"?

GENTLE READER: No response is necessary. If there is further inquiry, Miss Manners suggests telling your guests that time just got away from you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I regularly frequent a fairly informal pizza chain, as I like their lunch special. I was sitting at the bar yesterday when my food came; I took a bite of pizza and then saw, in between the salad and pizza, a dead bug.

It was bigger than a fruit fly, but not huge. A work call came in, so I took about five minutes to deal with that, and then waited for the server/bartender, and finally went over to talk to her.

I know intellectually the bug wasn't a huge deal, but because I spent several minutes with it on my plate, upside down with the legs in the air, I just didn't have an appetite. I quietly told the server that I understood it wasn't her fault, but I had a bug on my plate and wasn't going to be eating any more lunch.

She said she was sorry, took the plate away, and I left. I told my boyfriend about it later, and he, just like the server, seemed to be surprised that I got up and left.

What's the proper etiquette in that situation? If you go to a sit-down restaurant and see something like that after having taken only one bite, is it OK to leave, or is that bad form? Should I have given the restaurant another chance?

I go pretty often (once a week) and tip well, usually 50 percent. I also just didn't have an appetite after that, which was very disappointing because I had been hungry and love pizza.

But I definitely didn't mean to be impolite, and I didn't make a scene. I was as quiet as possible because I didn't want the other people at the bar to hear.

GENTLE READER: Another chance to do what, exactly? Clean the kitchen?

Miss Manners appreciates your concern for the restaurateur's feelings, but assures you that good manners do not require you to take a chance on a replacement meal. An astute server -- not to mention her boss -- should have been all over you with apologies and restitution out of concern that you would call the local health department. Which, by the way, might be a good idea.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When an expecting mother is out in public -- for instance, in the waiting area of a casual restaurant -- where all the seating is taken and she begins to feel a little unsteady on her feet, would it be appropriate for her to ask a man who is sitting down if she might borrow his seat for a few minutes? Or must she leave the restaurant to find somewhere to sit down?

GENTLE READER: Even in a formal restaurant, Miss Manners would think that any gentleman would happily give up his seat, if only to avoid the glares that would follow from those watching a pregnant lady passing out on the floor in front of him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I recently discovered a beautiful farmstead not far from where we live that is used as a venue for weddings and similar events. We would love to host a party for friends there, but don't have a particular event we are celebrating.

I would enjoy the planning and bringing people together. But what do you call a party that is not a birthday, anniversary, shower, wedding, retirement, holiday or fundraiser?

I've never received an invitation to a gala just for fun, and I'm interested in your suggestions for what to call such an event and how to proceed with invitations. I have no expectations for our guests except that they RSVP and come with good intentions.

GENTLE READER: Just for fun? You mean that it will not be a party in your own honor, and that you are not even expecting, much less demanding, presents?

That you have never heard of such a thing makes Miss Manners weep. Has society so thoroughly embraced the selfie event, complete with gift registry, that true social life has disappeared?

If so, thank you for reinventing it. Your guests will be puzzled at first, but may discover how pleasant it is to attend an event where the focus is on their enjoying themselves, rather than celebrating their hosts.

In the dim past, when socializing was done just for fun, the name of the event was an indication of the degree of formality. "Gala" is a term associated with fundraisers, so Miss Manners suggests your simply calling it a party.

You will still be besieged by guests asking, "What should I bring?" and "Where are you registered?" by others who have never heard of selfless hospitality. Miss Manners hopes that you will take the opportunity to explain it to them. It would be a nice custom to revive.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a member of a national organization that requires $90 annual dues to help with many very worthy projects. A few times a year I will be sent a "gift" from the current president and a letter asking for an extra donation toward her project of the year.

In the past, I always sent extra to help. This year we have experienced a lot of personal hardships, and my donation was smaller and slower being sent in.

I just received a letter informing me that I needed to pay for my "gift" as soon as possible. It is a cheaply made plastic tote bag. I think this is rude.

What should my response be? I would like to return it with a note.

GENTLE READER: By all means, do that. If you can explain to this organization that unethical business practices -- sending unsolicited merchandise and then demanding payment -- raise suspicions about the ethics of an organization, Miss Manners will consider that you have made a valuable contribution.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 19-year-old son just started dating a 22-year-old woman who lives with her parents. His first visit was over 24 hours. Now he has been gone over 12 hours.

I've tried to instill good manners into my son, but he ignores me and says her parents don't care. How do you instill better habits, and how long is OK to stay before you've outstayed your welcome?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners is sorry to have to tell you that apparently your son did not outstay his welcome, whatever form that welcome took.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)