DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a party where a retired physician started asking me questions about whether or not I had had various medical tests.

I know that the tests she asked about are recommended for women of my age, but I also believe that this is a conversation for me to have with my own physician. She might well be asking out of a genuine desire to share her medical wisdom, but I found it rude to be interrogated by a stranger in a social situation. How could I have handled this without being disrespectful?

GENTLE READER: Resist the temptation to ask if the state medical board knows she is still practicing medicine -- and at parties, where it is presumably impossible to protect a patient's legal right to privacy. Instead, Miss Manners suggests you thank her for her interest and explain that being a physician herself, she will understand that you discuss medical problems only with your own doctor.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to text-message the words "I love you" to a woman when you are declaring it for the first time?

GENTLE READER: Are you concerned that her reaction will not be what you hope?

Otherwise, Miss Manners cannot understand why you would not wish to convey this information in person, knowing you might receive a response that is not limited to alphanumeric characters.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My new husband and I received, as a wedding gift from my new mother-in-law, a very fussy, floral printed duvet cover and sheet set that neither my husband nor myself would ever have picked out, as we both prefer neutral, subtle patterns, if any pattern at all.

My mother-in-law did not include a gift receipt, and I would like to know if it is terribly rude to ask her if we could exchange it for something more suited to our tastes. My husband thinks we should just keep it, never use it and never tell her about it. Any thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Chiefly how odd it is that you are willing to offend your new mother-in-law (not to mention cutting off any future generosity on her part) and to ignore your husband (whose advice is based on a better knowledge of his mother's feelings than you could have acquired) over a coverlet.

Miss Manners realizes that it is now common to think of the ancient ritual of exchanging presents as merely a way to acquire what one has already decided one wants. But you might not have thought of buying yourselves an extra coverlet for guests, camping or parking visiting babies, and now you have one. You need only thank her (without mentioning such uses) and stash it away until needed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Which is more rude? To look at a text while engaged in an important conservation? Or to leave the text until the conversation is done?

GENTLE READER: The former. It is more difficult to convince people who are right in front of you that you don't see them than it is to have failed to see a text message the instant it was sent.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On my daughter's 17th birthday, she received, in my view, an insulting gift from her grandparents. Birthdays in my family and for me are special days, and the birthday girl or boy is made to feel like a king or queen in celebration of their birth.

This gift was a gift card and a packet of thank-you cards.

My daughter was crestfallen as she absorbed the not-so-subtle insult. I was able to make her feel better, but the damage was already done.

My daughter wishes to express to her grandparents how deeply they hurt her feelings but does not wish to have a confrontation. Do you have a suggestion or two for this circumstance?

GENTLE READER: As you encourage your daughter to feel like a queen, she might consider ordering their execution. However, you do not seem to have warned her of the usual eventual fate of despots who are harshly unjust even to their most loyal subjects.

But perhaps it is Miss Manners who is being unjust by assuming that the apparent insult may have arisen from a legitimate grievance. If it did not, she acknowledges that a polite protest might be included in the letter in which your daughter first thanks her grandparents for the gift certificate.

She could admit then to being somewhat puzzled by the thank-you cards. "As you know," she could continue, "I have always eagerly expressed my gratitude immediately upon receiving your generous presents. Would you rather that I did so on these cards, instead of on the paper I have been using? I would, of course, be happy to oblige."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am dating a lovely man who is perhaps all I could ask for in terms of character. I am always reassured in terms of how he handles difficult topics, moral dilemmas or anything having to do with our relationship.

I greatly value him for this. And we have interests in common -- we are both athletes, love to entertain, and he's active in his community, as am I.

Unfortunately, I am bored by his conversation. He runs a restaurant, and while I am interested in business and love to cook, he talks endlessly about the preparation of food. There is a significant discussion around every meal, where he can find this or that item, what he will eat this morning, this afternoon, tonight, as well as a litany of topics related to what is served at his restaurant.

Clearly, he is in the right industry! He obviously enjoys these conversations, and I see the value in many of them, but not 10 times a day. Is there a way for me to politely divert him? Or are we a mismatch?

GENTLE READER: You soon will be, if you let on that his conversation bores you.

It is not that Miss Manners lacks sympathy or is unwilling to rescue you. It's too bad that she cannot invoke the etiquette rule against talking about food at dinner parties (not that anyone obeys it) because these are private conversations.

What you could try is carrying on about how much you would enjoy being surprised by what he makes, and allowed to guess the ingredients.

This should eliminate the preliminary talk.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son, who is in the Navy, and his wife are expecting their first child. I wanted to have a shower for them, but they are unable to come back home to attend it.

What, if anything, is the proper way to have something for them without it being seen as tacky? Can I do a welcoming event by sending out cards with the baby's name and expected birth date on it? What would be the best wording to use for such a thing?

Most of her family lives in one area, and they will be having a small shower for her when she goes home for a week. Our family is spread out all over the East Coast.

I am at a loss. I don't want to wait until after the baby is born because anyone who has children knows how all the little things can add up pretty quickly. Also, doing something online or virtual is out because we have a lot of older guests that wouldn't know what to do or how to do it. HELP!!!

GENTLE READER: ALL RIGHT!!! (But if you don't like the answer, please refrain from shouting at Miss Manners again.)

An expected birth date announcement is not only strange, but also pointless, as it could easily turn out to be inaccurate.

Anyway, relatives are not supposed to give showers (although that should not be used as an excuse to criticize the in-laws). It makes it look as if their only motivation for entertaining is to extract presents, which, in your cases, is only too clear.

With a bit of patience, you could announce the baby's actual birth, or even, if the family is coming to visit, invite people to meet the newest relative. Many will respond -- don't get over-excited here -- by sending presents. The notion that all necessities must be in place before the baby is born is a silly one.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I read somewhere that an insert called an attire card can be placed along with your wedding invitations if you wish to describe your wedding attire more specifically and elaborately. It said this is optional, but I want to ask whether it is appropriate to use such a card, or if it is bad etiquette.

GENTLE READER? Is the assumption that otherwise, people will keep stopping the bride on her way up the aisle to ask, "Who are you wearing?"

If that is likely to be the case, Miss Manners would think that the proper place to release such information to an insatiably curious public is a press release.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I (age 69) have been dating a man (age 75) for the past year. Both of us are unsure how to introduce each other in social situations.

We introduce each other as, "I would like you to meet my friend (insert name)." Our relationship is exclusive and more than friendship, but we are not engaged. At our age to be introduced as girlfriend or boyfriend sounds ridiculous. How should we introduce each other?

GENTLE READER: Just the way you are doing. Miss Manners assure you that everyone is able to figure out that you are a couple.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)